Not-so-new member intro!
Hello everyone! Name's Lena. Sadly I don't have an awesome magickal name like you cool kids. I am very, VERY excited about this community, as my ideas about my spiritually have evolved heavily over the past few years, and sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about them other than my husband. I'll try to keep my summary of that path to a minimum...
Growing up, though in the Bible Belt south, I did not have a religious, or even very spiritual, family. I think I was the only person I knew who didn't go to church with their family every Sunday. As a child, when I would talk to my mom about what she thought about God/religion, etc. she would say that she believed God answered to many names, and that all different cultures and traditions experienced Him differently. But that was pretty much the extent of it. We have no family spiritual tradition to speak of (not even church on Easter, haha!) I am very grateful to my (non)religious upbringing because I believe that offered me a fabulously blank slate on which I could decorate without inhibition or preconceived notion.
When I was 13 I had my religious conversion experience while on a friend's Christian youth group trip (to a place that at the time was a Christian hangout for teens and is now the local gay club, which I find amazing!) and then promptly joined that Baptist church. I was a member there for... almost three years. I dove right in, I loved the Bible and I really enjoyed getting to learn everything fresh. Most of the people I knew had always been taken to church, and thus they weren't so impressed every Sunday school. Eventually, I left that church because it was so "dead." I wanted more outreach, more emotional involvement in worship, fellowship with people who wanted to really DIG rather than just skim the surface, and so on. Joined another Baptist church that seemed SO much better which I later left for the same reason. I then ran the gamut for a few years, from a Church of Christ bible study to an all-Black non-denominational charismatic church. (I was the only white member. Yes, it was hella fun!! Church + dancing (X big hats) = awesomeness) However, I always ran into the same brick walls as many who leave the Christian faith -- for one, why are there so many mean/judgmental people? And why can no one answer my questions about (insert any of many Biblical passages that are problematic for any of many reasons here)? And what seemed the most troubling, why don't more people CARE about their religion? So I left to book it on my own for a bit, and still do today.
There was a guy I knew at community college that was both in theatre with me and my World Religions class. He was Asatru and INSISTED that I was a pagan at heart because of the way that I dressed, various interests of mine, the fact that I was so open-minded about other religions. :-) He made this especially clear after discovering that one of my favorite ways to gear up before a performance was to dance around barefoot in the itty-bitty wooded cemetary across the street from the school. I LOVE nature and have always been very outdoorsy. I never felt as close to God as I did while watching a sunset or staring at the stars or even just walking in the woods. He was kinda my first introduction to the world of Pagan-ish-ness (I hate calling it Paganism because, IMO, it doesn't strike me as an "ism" at all... pagans are a myriad of beliefs). I was very into my religion and the Bible and Jesus, but I rarely fit in socially (or romantically!) with other Christians. I always thought that a lot of these people just didn't "get" Christianity like I did. It was just so... restrictive the way they lived in it.
A very frustrated me decided to take a haitus from it all about... three or four years ago. After doing so I read a book called Misquoting Jesus, which was a turning point for me. It helped me step away from the literalist view of the Bible and see it as containing errors and also largely meant to be taken allegorically. While this was refreshing to me, because I didn't have to try to fit square pegs into round holes anymore, I went into a very lost period. I actually felt very betrayed. I just didn't know how to be spiritual anymore, because my structure was gone. My subsequent experiences helped to shape my ideas more than anything. Don't really want to go into detail about them, simply because they feel very personal to me and I'd like to keep them that way. But I also did a LOT of reading and delving into various methods of divination, Tarot being my favorite. Pendulums haven't really clicked with me as of yet, and I really wanted to work with Runes but decided that I'd rather be really good at one method than be okay at several.
I don't know if there is a word for what I believe right now. Actually, if there is one, I don't want it. I'm done wtih trying to find my fit in the religious world. I'm finally to the point where I feel free enough to educate about all religions and paths and marry the ones that resonate with me into my spiritual practice. I try to visit a different place of worship every Sunday, and there are some great ones around my area -- my favorite being the Light of Christ Center. It is so tempting to want to just join and cry out, "Finally! Somewhere I BELONG!" but the truth is that, IMO, that would just limit my outlook on the world.
Anyway, this is why I love this community so much. It's not about how you get there, because we all have the same goal of direct communication with and experience of the Divine (whatever you wish to call it). It can be so easy to get caught up in the rules and "spellwork" of any path that you forget why you are doing it in the first place.
I don't shun my Christian background, nor do I minimilize any of the deeply spiritual moments I experienced or the way my life was changed. I look at it as the step it took for me to end up where I am, and I blend my tradition with everything new that I am learning. (I do, however, shed the skin of literalism, evangelical bible beatings, the idea that "hell" even exists, or that anyone else can show ME what absolute truth is.)
I don't have any experience with Wicca, so to speak, but I love the concepts and the Goddess element. Current influences are Buddhism, Gnosis, The Secret, (I don't care if it's become cliche by now, I adore it.)and esoteric studies in general. I love yoga and journaling. I'm 23, married, will attend massage therapy school soon, and want to travel and teach Yoga and theatre and maybe read tarot professionally. (I just started reading on the Free Tarot Network.)
Anyway, I am so happy to be meeting all of you and learning about YOUR traditions and spiritualities. I was hesitant to make my first post because it seemed that I was the only non-wiccan, but I see now in the community info that you welcome all faiths. (Plus now that we've established that I'm old enough to be here, I figured what the hell. *wink wink*) I truly hope this community continues to attract only those who wish to enjoy and contribute to it, and the open policy is rewarded.
Thanks! Love and Light!
EDIT: Oh! Just to clarify, "spellwork" is in quotes *not* to be sarcastic, but to indicate a metaphor to other paths as well.
Growing up, though in the Bible Belt south, I did not have a religious, or even very spiritual, family. I think I was the only person I knew who didn't go to church with their family every Sunday. As a child, when I would talk to my mom about what she thought about God/religion, etc. she would say that she believed God answered to many names, and that all different cultures and traditions experienced Him differently. But that was pretty much the extent of it. We have no family spiritual tradition to speak of (not even church on Easter, haha!) I am very grateful to my (non)religious upbringing because I believe that offered me a fabulously blank slate on which I could decorate without inhibition or preconceived notion.
When I was 13 I had my religious conversion experience while on a friend's Christian youth group trip (to a place that at the time was a Christian hangout for teens and is now the local gay club, which I find amazing!) and then promptly joined that Baptist church. I was a member there for... almost three years. I dove right in, I loved the Bible and I really enjoyed getting to learn everything fresh. Most of the people I knew had always been taken to church, and thus they weren't so impressed every Sunday school. Eventually, I left that church because it was so "dead." I wanted more outreach, more emotional involvement in worship, fellowship with people who wanted to really DIG rather than just skim the surface, and so on. Joined another Baptist church that seemed SO much better which I later left for the same reason. I then ran the gamut for a few years, from a Church of Christ bible study to an all-Black non-denominational charismatic church. (I was the only white member. Yes, it was hella fun!! Church + dancing (X big hats) = awesomeness) However, I always ran into the same brick walls as many who leave the Christian faith -- for one, why are there so many mean/judgmental people? And why can no one answer my questions about (insert any of many Biblical passages that are problematic for any of many reasons here)? And what seemed the most troubling, why don't more people CARE about their religion? So I left to book it on my own for a bit, and still do today.
There was a guy I knew at community college that was both in theatre with me and my World Religions class. He was Asatru and INSISTED that I was a pagan at heart because of the way that I dressed, various interests of mine, the fact that I was so open-minded about other religions. :-) He made this especially clear after discovering that one of my favorite ways to gear up before a performance was to dance around barefoot in the itty-bitty wooded cemetary across the street from the school. I LOVE nature and have always been very outdoorsy. I never felt as close to God as I did while watching a sunset or staring at the stars or even just walking in the woods. He was kinda my first introduction to the world of Pagan-ish-ness (I hate calling it Paganism because, IMO, it doesn't strike me as an "ism" at all... pagans are a myriad of beliefs). I was very into my religion and the Bible and Jesus, but I rarely fit in socially (or romantically!) with other Christians. I always thought that a lot of these people just didn't "get" Christianity like I did. It was just so... restrictive the way they lived in it.
A very frustrated me decided to take a haitus from it all about... three or four years ago. After doing so I read a book called Misquoting Jesus, which was a turning point for me. It helped me step away from the literalist view of the Bible and see it as containing errors and also largely meant to be taken allegorically. While this was refreshing to me, because I didn't have to try to fit square pegs into round holes anymore, I went into a very lost period. I actually felt very betrayed. I just didn't know how to be spiritual anymore, because my structure was gone. My subsequent experiences helped to shape my ideas more than anything. Don't really want to go into detail about them, simply because they feel very personal to me and I'd like to keep them that way. But I also did a LOT of reading and delving into various methods of divination, Tarot being my favorite. Pendulums haven't really clicked with me as of yet, and I really wanted to work with Runes but decided that I'd rather be really good at one method than be okay at several.
I don't know if there is a word for what I believe right now. Actually, if there is one, I don't want it. I'm done wtih trying to find my fit in the religious world. I'm finally to the point where I feel free enough to educate about all religions and paths and marry the ones that resonate with me into my spiritual practice. I try to visit a different place of worship every Sunday, and there are some great ones around my area -- my favorite being the Light of Christ Center. It is so tempting to want to just join and cry out, "Finally! Somewhere I BELONG!" but the truth is that, IMO, that would just limit my outlook on the world.
Anyway, this is why I love this community so much. It's not about how you get there, because we all have the same goal of direct communication with and experience of the Divine (whatever you wish to call it). It can be so easy to get caught up in the rules and "spellwork" of any path that you forget why you are doing it in the first place.
I don't shun my Christian background, nor do I minimilize any of the deeply spiritual moments I experienced or the way my life was changed. I look at it as the step it took for me to end up where I am, and I blend my tradition with everything new that I am learning. (I do, however, shed the skin of literalism, evangelical bible beatings, the idea that "hell" even exists, or that anyone else can show ME what absolute truth is.)
I don't have any experience with Wicca, so to speak, but I love the concepts and the Goddess element. Current influences are Buddhism, Gnosis, The Secret, (I don't care if it's become cliche by now, I adore it.)and esoteric studies in general. I love yoga and journaling. I'm 23, married, will attend massage therapy school soon, and want to travel and teach Yoga and theatre and maybe read tarot professionally. (I just started reading on the Free Tarot Network.)
Anyway, I am so happy to be meeting all of you and learning about YOUR traditions and spiritualities. I was hesitant to make my first post because it seemed that I was the only non-wiccan, but I see now in the community info that you welcome all faiths. (Plus now that we've established that I'm old enough to be here, I figured what the hell. *wink wink*) I truly hope this community continues to attract only those who wish to enjoy and contribute to it, and the open policy is rewarded.
Thanks! Love and Light!
EDIT: Oh! Just to clarify, "spellwork" is in quotes *not* to be sarcastic, but to indicate a metaphor to other paths as well.