-she's gonna break soon-
This will probably be a very confusing entry cuz I'm getting yelled at and trying to consentrate at the same fuckin time!!
Ok this time it really sux...Even though my computer's a piece of shit and don't work most'a the time at least I get to write in my journal everyday and talk to a few people...Yet this time my dad's taking out the computer, cable, we're not allowed to use lights during the day AT ALL, I'm not suppose to listen to my sterio. He says that it's all my Mom's fault. It's not her fuckin fault she died, it's more HIS fault that anyones...Oh yeah he's taking out the phone!! Yup, yup no fuckin house phone anymore...
Here's what he just said, "We're getting rid of EVERYTHING for a year. No house phone, I'm cuttin goff my cell phone, no nothing!! I'm getting a clean slate so I can marry Elaine and you can just fuck off when you're 18!!" Yeah so there's NOTHING for a fuckin year. I don't know wtf there IS to do about this one. I really don't. He said that it don't matter cuz I have a cell phone so I shouldn't have ta worry about it. It's fuckin $10for 200mins. and it's .10 and min. How the fuckin am I suppose to talk to ANYONE with that!! Ugh ugh ugh ugh...He says that he works all day and all I do is sit all day. Not true I eat, and sleep and sit!! I sleep more than I sit on the computer but then again he wouldn't fuckin know that because he's never here or else he's in his room alllllllll the time. It's fuckin called being depressed. He said, "It's fuckin called get un-depressed!!" How can I get fuckin un-depressed when he makes things worse...Whatever. Yeah and I'm just fuckin waiting for SOMEONE ANYONE to fuckin tell me that they know how I feel. Or or the all great no one comments because they're so stunned and don't know what to say. Ugh now he's yelling at me saying that he works all day, and I should be working. Ok umm yeah that would be the reason why I applied at the Dry Cleaners like 2months ago, and why I applied at McDonalds and Krogers, even though I don't want to work there.
Someone fuckin save me!!
MINDY!!!!!!!!!!!
HEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!
Now I have to do the dishes everyday, clean the whole house everyday, take out the trash everyday, if there is a piece of fuzz on my carpet in the basment or one bead I have to move back upstairs...One'a the reason my dad moved me in the basement cuz there is a tree about to fall down and if it does it'll fall right over my old room upstairs so I said, "Yeah maybe the fuckin tree will fall on me and I'll die!! he said, "Yeah maybe it will, good, then I don't have to worry about you anymore!!" And then he goes on (like always) how when he was 17he was in the Army and I should be in there right now...
And all you people sit there and say that you can't understand how I think that I would do better locked up in the hosp. for a few fuckin years...How the fuck is it good living here. He don't fuckin know how to take care of kids, he's never taken care of kids before he never had too...Now that my Mom died he wants to take care of us. I DON'T KNOW WHY!! When my parents got seperated he only wanted Billy!! Yeah so wtf does that say. He goes on about how he knows Amaris is going to die soon and he won't have to worry about her, and how I'm going to be 18and I can go fuck off and live on the street somewhere...Ugh, Omfg this shit is driving me nuts...He always ends on, "If you don't like it, LEAVE!" and when I fuckin do leave, he always makes me come home. I'm fuckin sure that I coould stay at friends houses and shit or sleep in the park...Not like I never did all that good shit before...So when I ask him if I can leave and stay with someone he gets mad and says I can't go anywhere!!
People better start sending me their house adresses if they still wanna talk to me...Or something like that.
So far I know he's not going to pay any of the bills anymore when they come in so Cable will go out along with Road Runner, and then the phone will go out...And ugh he says it's not coming back on for a year.
And I got one less friends to worry about losing, I guess you could call that a good thing in a way I don't fuckin know really. I don't know if I even care about anything personally...And just because it's my journal and I can write WHATEVER I WANT!!
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah i got your message, and i don't know what happened but your name got deleted on accident er something...regardless you don't have to get all mean about it too me, plus it's not like you talk to me anyways...
PrincessAnna458: who always IMs who
MaN5oNS CHiLD: not you
PrincessAnna458: idont wanna fight w/ u u know i talk to u so DONT start...
MaN5oNS CHiLD: well i didn't know saying, "ok" "awww" or "ew" was converstaion to everything i say to you
PrincessAnna458: and who always offered to come see you.
PrincessAnna458: i always make efforts so dont act like i dont
MaN5oNS CHiLD: alot of people offer to come see me
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you never even spent the night
PrincessAnna458: yea and im on
MaN5oNS CHiLD: cuz you wanted to be with charlie and not me
PrincessAnna458: u know my parents h8 where u live...there ass holes
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah i don't think that's all of the reason though
PrincessAnna458: its a damn big part
MaN5oNS CHiLD: why does everyone always have to fuckin say that is't MY fault that they don't come see me
PrincessAnna458: lol aint no1s fault
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah all the parents sau she's a freak no, or she's going to kill herself while your over there no, or she was in the hosp so no, or she lives in a nigger neighborhood no, etc...etc...i've lived here for 17years not one bad thing has happened too me
PrincessAnna458: i dont care where ppl live, my parenst do
MaN5oNS CHiLD: tell them to get over it then
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you don't make a huge effort to make them or else they wouldve given in already
PrincessAnna458: i made as huge of one as i could
MaN5oNS CHiLD: oh and why haven't you replied to my comment i left you
PrincessAnna458: which 1
MaN5oNS CHiLD: i get mad and bring up a point and you just say, "i love you" like it makes everything alright..or you act like you've never seen the comment and leave it there.
PrincessAnna458: i get ALOT of comments....which 1 r u talkign about
PrincessAnna458: i ahve like...78 ppl on my listsorry
MaN5oNS CHiLD: i'm looking fer it right now
MaN5oNS CHiLD: http://www.livejournal.com/users/sickbeauty/55707.html
PrincessAnna458: i dont get it
MaN5oNS CHiLD: omg
PrincessAnna458: mocked u for what?
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you sit there and tell me, "i know how you feel like now that i lost charlie i'll never move on a i love him so much i think i'm going to kill myself..." etc...etc...feeling like i did and i thought maybe this time you were right you didn't love charlie though you just let yourself think you do n shit like that you were with him less than a month you didn't know anything and then you go and tell me that YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!! and i felt bad for you and then like a fuckin week later your with kevin that's great n all that you n charlie both moved on but damn why the fuck did you have to mock me for that wasn't kul made me feel like shit
PrincessAnna458: how did i mock...i still dotn get it
MaN5oNS CHiLD: by sitting there telling me that you know how I FEEL, you don't know HOW I FEEL and you tried to act like i did you'll never know how i feel
PrincessAnna458: oohh
MaN5oNS CHiLD: and all you do to chear me up all the time is make me pictures i try n talk to you and you say "ok" "yeah i know wat you mean" "really" "i love you" you don't help at all
MaN5oNS CHiLD: and after our last fight i even called you for advice and all you said over n over was" i would've smaked him" or "i would've said whatever" shit like that like you can't even pay attention for 2seconds
PrincessAnna458: i see...well i dunno what to say b/c it obviously will make no difference
MaN5oNS CHiLD: i guess not beucase i don't really care about shit in this world anymore, and YOU WOULD'NT KNOW HOW I FEEL!! and plus it don't matter cuz you dont' care about any of your friends or else they all wouldn't bee mad at you would they?1
PrincessAnna458: no1 is mad at me..
MaN5oNS CHiLD: even right now i'm making my point why you make me mad and you just say your lil 2sentence lines
MaN5oNS CHiLD: oh so i'm sure that you and brandon all ok and catherine sure loves ya to death and i'm sure ashli, and that jimi kid are all your best friends...yup yup i bet they are
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you just don't get it
PrincessAnna458: jimi and me arefine...if u read my journal youd know that
MaN5oNS CHiLD: why do you treat people like that and call them your friends
PrincessAnna458: and what dose cat have to do w/ this
MaN5oNS CHiLD: well obviouslly she's brandon's grrrl and they both are the best of friends with you
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you just don't care about anyone but yourself most'a the time and i cna't take it anymote
PrincessAnna458: hwo do i not care abotu any1 ebsdie me,..
MaN5oNS CHiLD: gawd you know what i use to think of you i use to think that you were the most beautiful grrrl in the world that you were the kullest and that you had all the friends and everything but then i stay the night with you and your controling and you dont realli like to do anything sometimes i don't like to do shit when i'm depressed either but you ever want to do anything fun at all...
PrincessAnna458: lol im not gunna say antyhing
MaN5oNS CHiLD: and i just don't get it i just find out that you don't really care what people are telling you when someone comes to you with advice you dont' care to help them you have too many people to talk to er something you always sit there and say "ok" "yeah ok" and i even asked you why do you even talk to these people if you're not even paying attention to them and all you said was "theres too many people to talk to" makes me feel like i'm one'a those "to many people"
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah don't say anything, that's what you're best at i suppose, i don't matter anyways if you lose me as a friend does it...oh well bye bye
PrincessAnna458: thats your opinion not mine
PrincessAnna458: but ok
Anybody want to adopt me and give me a new life!? ...I'm serious :'(
[Note: Edit]
Oh yeah the only thing that made me happy to day is this, Ian wrote me an email today. I'm so glad he's ok:
she loves her braceltes
she gives lots of hugs
with her bottle in her pocket
she plays off a thug
she not a raver
she's happy but full of love
she isn't all goth
she's not tough enough
so what can she be
she doesn't fit in
i'll call her my graver
she's my izzy boo till te end!
Ok this time it really sux...Even though my computer's a piece of shit and don't work most'a the time at least I get to write in my journal everyday and talk to a few people...Yet this time my dad's taking out the computer, cable, we're not allowed to use lights during the day AT ALL, I'm not suppose to listen to my sterio. He says that it's all my Mom's fault. It's not her fuckin fault she died, it's more HIS fault that anyones...Oh yeah he's taking out the phone!! Yup, yup no fuckin house phone anymore...
Here's what he just said, "We're getting rid of EVERYTHING for a year. No house phone, I'm cuttin goff my cell phone, no nothing!! I'm getting a clean slate so I can marry Elaine and you can just fuck off when you're 18!!" Yeah so there's NOTHING for a fuckin year. I don't know wtf there IS to do about this one. I really don't. He said that it don't matter cuz I have a cell phone so I shouldn't have ta worry about it. It's fuckin $10for 200mins. and it's .10 and min. How the fuckin am I suppose to talk to ANYONE with that!! Ugh ugh ugh ugh...He says that he works all day and all I do is sit all day. Not true I eat, and sleep and sit!! I sleep more than I sit on the computer but then again he wouldn't fuckin know that because he's never here or else he's in his room alllllllll the time. It's fuckin called being depressed. He said, "It's fuckin called get un-depressed!!" How can I get fuckin un-depressed when he makes things worse...Whatever. Yeah and I'm just fuckin waiting for SOMEONE ANYONE to fuckin tell me that they know how I feel. Or or the all great no one comments because they're so stunned and don't know what to say. Ugh now he's yelling at me saying that he works all day, and I should be working. Ok umm yeah that would be the reason why I applied at the Dry Cleaners like 2months ago, and why I applied at McDonalds and Krogers, even though I don't want to work there.
Someone fuckin save me!!
MINDY!!!!!!!!!!!
HEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!
Now I have to do the dishes everyday, clean the whole house everyday, take out the trash everyday, if there is a piece of fuzz on my carpet in the basment or one bead I have to move back upstairs...One'a the reason my dad moved me in the basement cuz there is a tree about to fall down and if it does it'll fall right over my old room upstairs so I said, "Yeah maybe the fuckin tree will fall on me and I'll die!! he said, "Yeah maybe it will, good, then I don't have to worry about you anymore!!" And then he goes on (like always) how when he was 17he was in the Army and I should be in there right now...
And all you people sit there and say that you can't understand how I think that I would do better locked up in the hosp. for a few fuckin years...How the fuck is it good living here. He don't fuckin know how to take care of kids, he's never taken care of kids before he never had too...Now that my Mom died he wants to take care of us. I DON'T KNOW WHY!! When my parents got seperated he only wanted Billy!! Yeah so wtf does that say. He goes on about how he knows Amaris is going to die soon and he won't have to worry about her, and how I'm going to be 18and I can go fuck off and live on the street somewhere...Ugh, Omfg this shit is driving me nuts...He always ends on, "If you don't like it, LEAVE!" and when I fuckin do leave, he always makes me come home. I'm fuckin sure that I coould stay at friends houses and shit or sleep in the park...Not like I never did all that good shit before...So when I ask him if I can leave and stay with someone he gets mad and says I can't go anywhere!!
People better start sending me their house adresses if they still wanna talk to me...Or something like that.
So far I know he's not going to pay any of the bills anymore when they come in so Cable will go out along with Road Runner, and then the phone will go out...And ugh he says it's not coming back on for a year.
And I got one less friends to worry about losing, I guess you could call that a good thing in a way I don't fuckin know really. I don't know if I even care about anything personally...And just because it's my journal and I can write WHATEVER I WANT!!
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah i got your message, and i don't know what happened but your name got deleted on accident er something...regardless you don't have to get all mean about it too me, plus it's not like you talk to me anyways...
PrincessAnna458: who always IMs who
MaN5oNS CHiLD: not you
PrincessAnna458: idont wanna fight w/ u u know i talk to u so DONT start...
MaN5oNS CHiLD: well i didn't know saying, "ok" "awww" or "ew" was converstaion to everything i say to you
PrincessAnna458: and who always offered to come see you.
PrincessAnna458: i always make efforts so dont act like i dont
MaN5oNS CHiLD: alot of people offer to come see me
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you never even spent the night
PrincessAnna458: yea and im on
MaN5oNS CHiLD: cuz you wanted to be with charlie and not me
PrincessAnna458: u know my parents h8 where u live...there ass holes
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah i don't think that's all of the reason though
PrincessAnna458: its a damn big part
MaN5oNS CHiLD: why does everyone always have to fuckin say that is't MY fault that they don't come see me
PrincessAnna458: lol aint no1s fault
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah all the parents sau she's a freak no, or she's going to kill herself while your over there no, or she was in the hosp so no, or she lives in a nigger neighborhood no, etc...etc...i've lived here for 17years not one bad thing has happened too me
PrincessAnna458: i dont care where ppl live, my parenst do
MaN5oNS CHiLD: tell them to get over it then
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you don't make a huge effort to make them or else they wouldve given in already
PrincessAnna458: i made as huge of one as i could
MaN5oNS CHiLD: oh and why haven't you replied to my comment i left you
PrincessAnna458: which 1
MaN5oNS CHiLD: i get mad and bring up a point and you just say, "i love you" like it makes everything alright..or you act like you've never seen the comment and leave it there.
PrincessAnna458: i get ALOT of comments....which 1 r u talkign about
PrincessAnna458: i ahve like...78 ppl on my listsorry
MaN5oNS CHiLD: i'm looking fer it right now
MaN5oNS CHiLD: http://www.livejournal.com/users/sickbeauty/55707.html
PrincessAnna458: i dont get it
MaN5oNS CHiLD: omg
PrincessAnna458: mocked u for what?
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you sit there and tell me, "i know how you feel like now that i lost charlie i'll never move on a i love him so much i think i'm going to kill myself..." etc...etc...feeling like i did and i thought maybe this time you were right you didn't love charlie though you just let yourself think you do n shit like that you were with him less than a month you didn't know anything and then you go and tell me that YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!! and i felt bad for you and then like a fuckin week later your with kevin that's great n all that you n charlie both moved on but damn why the fuck did you have to mock me for that wasn't kul made me feel like shit
PrincessAnna458: how did i mock...i still dotn get it
MaN5oNS CHiLD: by sitting there telling me that you know how I FEEL, you don't know HOW I FEEL and you tried to act like i did you'll never know how i feel
PrincessAnna458: oohh
MaN5oNS CHiLD: and all you do to chear me up all the time is make me pictures i try n talk to you and you say "ok" "yeah i know wat you mean" "really" "i love you" you don't help at all
MaN5oNS CHiLD: and after our last fight i even called you for advice and all you said over n over was" i would've smaked him" or "i would've said whatever" shit like that like you can't even pay attention for 2seconds
PrincessAnna458: i see...well i dunno what to say b/c it obviously will make no difference
MaN5oNS CHiLD: i guess not beucase i don't really care about shit in this world anymore, and YOU WOULD'NT KNOW HOW I FEEL!! and plus it don't matter cuz you dont' care about any of your friends or else they all wouldn't bee mad at you would they?1
PrincessAnna458: no1 is mad at me..
MaN5oNS CHiLD: even right now i'm making my point why you make me mad and you just say your lil 2sentence lines
MaN5oNS CHiLD: oh so i'm sure that you and brandon all ok and catherine sure loves ya to death and i'm sure ashli, and that jimi kid are all your best friends...yup yup i bet they are
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you just don't get it
PrincessAnna458: jimi and me arefine...if u read my journal youd know that
MaN5oNS CHiLD: why do you treat people like that and call them your friends
PrincessAnna458: and what dose cat have to do w/ this
MaN5oNS CHiLD: well obviouslly she's brandon's grrrl and they both are the best of friends with you
MaN5oNS CHiLD: you just don't care about anyone but yourself most'a the time and i cna't take it anymote
PrincessAnna458: hwo do i not care abotu any1 ebsdie me,..
MaN5oNS CHiLD: gawd you know what i use to think of you i use to think that you were the most beautiful grrrl in the world that you were the kullest and that you had all the friends and everything but then i stay the night with you and your controling and you dont realli like to do anything sometimes i don't like to do shit when i'm depressed either but you ever want to do anything fun at all...
PrincessAnna458: lol im not gunna say antyhing
MaN5oNS CHiLD: and i just don't get it i just find out that you don't really care what people are telling you when someone comes to you with advice you dont' care to help them you have too many people to talk to er something you always sit there and say "ok" "yeah ok" and i even asked you why do you even talk to these people if you're not even paying attention to them and all you said was "theres too many people to talk to" makes me feel like i'm one'a those "to many people"
MaN5oNS CHiLD: yeah don't say anything, that's what you're best at i suppose, i don't matter anyways if you lose me as a friend does it...oh well bye bye
PrincessAnna458: thats your opinion not mine
PrincessAnna458: but ok
Anybody want to adopt me and give me a new life!? ...I'm serious :'(
[Note: Edit]
Oh yeah the only thing that made me happy to day is this, Ian wrote me an email today. I'm so glad he's ok:
she loves her braceltes
she gives lots of hugs
with her bottle in her pocket
she plays off a thug
she not a raver
she's happy but full of love
she isn't all goth
she's not tough enough
so what can she be
she doesn't fit in
i'll call her my graver
she's my izzy boo till te end!