weak willed
so i was talking to my friend earlier and we got into a conversation about how i smoke and such and he asked for reasons why i did it. i told him that sometimes you just need to let go. thats what smoking does for me, its just relaxes me, calms me down. and i dont need it as much as i used to thats for sure, so thats good. but smoking isnt the topic of this, no....he said that anything that gets to you that much means you're weak willed.
i told him that he couldnt make that judgement, because he had never been that far. but seriously, you can't pass judgement on someone for doing something when you have never been as far as they have, when you have never been to the edge. when you get to that point, you will do anything to just make it go away, to make it dealable, soo not a word. but seriously. how can a person who has never been that low say that you should just smile and bear it. thats what gets you that low, pushing it back and smiling. he said "just shrug it off, dont let it get to you", and that is SO much easier said then done. when everything around you is crashing down and there is nothing for you to hold onto, you're going to do anything to just be able to breathe.
some people are stonger then myself, the person i was talking to is one of them. he can just shrug it off. i wish that i could do that sometimes. but then he asked about someone thats gone and then told me that a guy shouldn't get me down like that, that no one should have that much power over me. and i said "ya, and it killed me that someone could because i knew when he was gone then a major part of me would be missing and that was gonna be hard to deal with. and i did loose it, and am still trying to find it, or build it back up." and he said that he couldn't relate, because he would never let someone mean enough to him to be avle to take a part of him. and though i didn't say it, i thought: "then how will you ever love someone?". how can you love someone if you don't give them a part of you. i dont think that you can. and i felt really sad for him, because if he couldn't give himself to someone, if he couldn't love someone, then he was going to miss out on something amazing, something that no one should miss out on.
so is letting something get to you, letting something break you weak willed? or maybe is it incredably strong. maybe letting yourself feel something as deeply as that, so deeply it can break you is strong. because i mean seriously, letting something that deep, giving up that much of yourself is a big thing, and it takes someone very strong to do that because to knowingly go against what you know, because you know that it wont last, takes everything, to knowingly let yourself hurt like that. so i think it's strong. i think that it's crazy strong to let yourself feel like that. it's not weak willed at all. or maybe i'm just trying to believe it so im not weak.....
weak willed?
i told him that he couldnt make that judgement, because he had never been that far. but seriously, you can't pass judgement on someone for doing something when you have never been as far as they have, when you have never been to the edge. when you get to that point, you will do anything to just make it go away, to make it dealable, soo not a word. but seriously. how can a person who has never been that low say that you should just smile and bear it. thats what gets you that low, pushing it back and smiling. he said "just shrug it off, dont let it get to you", and that is SO much easier said then done. when everything around you is crashing down and there is nothing for you to hold onto, you're going to do anything to just be able to breathe.
some people are stonger then myself, the person i was talking to is one of them. he can just shrug it off. i wish that i could do that sometimes. but then he asked about someone thats gone and then told me that a guy shouldn't get me down like that, that no one should have that much power over me. and i said "ya, and it killed me that someone could because i knew when he was gone then a major part of me would be missing and that was gonna be hard to deal with. and i did loose it, and am still trying to find it, or build it back up." and he said that he couldn't relate, because he would never let someone mean enough to him to be avle to take a part of him. and though i didn't say it, i thought: "then how will you ever love someone?". how can you love someone if you don't give them a part of you. i dont think that you can. and i felt really sad for him, because if he couldn't give himself to someone, if he couldn't love someone, then he was going to miss out on something amazing, something that no one should miss out on.
so is letting something get to you, letting something break you weak willed? or maybe is it incredably strong. maybe letting yourself feel something as deeply as that, so deeply it can break you is strong. because i mean seriously, letting something that deep, giving up that much of yourself is a big thing, and it takes someone very strong to do that because to knowingly go against what you know, because you know that it wont last, takes everything, to knowingly let yourself hurt like that. so i think it's strong. i think that it's crazy strong to let yourself feel like that. it's not weak willed at all. or maybe i'm just trying to believe it so im not weak.....
weak willed?