Dec 20, 2010 23:45
You know how sometimes you just want to shake someone and scream at them and hurt them like they've hurt you, to try and get what you mean across and make them understand something that seems so simple to you but they just don't or can't or won't get it?
But you can't do that, because that's not the way adults deal with things and you know it wouldn't help anyway but by god it would make you feel better. So you shut yourself away from them because even talking to them or thinking about them hurts, but then not talking to them or thinking about them hurts as well, and you're back to wanting to scream and scream and scream at them because you feel like they're wilfully just not getting it and you feel like you just hate them and hate them and hate them but you really don't even though sometimes you wish you could because wouldn't that just be easier?
And this has been going on for years (a decade!) and you're just so very tired of it and you really feel like this should be the end, but you know it's not and it never will be, because that just isn't going to happen and you're so close to something and so close to it being right but it isn't right and never will be and that's no-one's fault, it's just the way it is, but you still want to scream and scream at the blood-curdling unfairness of it all and you wonder what in the world a normal, boring, unexceptional person like you ever did to deserve this?
You know that? Yeah, well, that.
you bastard,
goddamn you