Kyuline Meets Lola Lush: (Kyuline BROt5 Fic-feat. Kwanghee from ZE:A and Key from SHINee)
Title: Kyuline Meets Lola Lush
Pairing: Minho-centric, Kyuline (BROt5), feat. Key and Kwanghee
Genre: College!au, Comedy, Crack, Debauchery.
Rating: PG-13 (heavy swearing, drag queen things, heavy drinking)
Summary: Jonghyun's gender studies class requires a project about defying gender stereotypes. Luckily for him, Minho knows the perfect place for Jonghyun to use as his topic. So as Kyuline goes on an adventure to the local drag club, debauchery ensues.
a/n: DEDICATED TO shayepuree. Because this started as something else and she told me to post it here. So I am. And this is me paying her back for being a really great best friend. ^^
There was absolutely no reason for them to be there.
Absolutely none at all.
Okay so maybe there was one.
They’d just never admit it.
And god forbid anyone saw them there because if they did, their reputations would be ruined for the rest of their menial existences.
“Are we really doing this?” Joonmyun pulled the collar of his jacket up around his neck. It wasn’t that cold out, but he wore a jacket and hat, looking as if he were ready for the brisk fall breezes…too bad it was late May.
If he was feeling the pressure, then it was tenfold worse for the others.
“Yes. We’re here, okay? Now play nice. This won’t take long. And the girls are nice, alright?” Minho said as he gave his ID to the bouncer. He nodded his head with a short smile and walked inside, 4 other guys at his heels.
“But why are we here by ourselves? Isn’t Key supposed to be here or something? It’s his friend.” Kyuhyun said, taking his ID back from the bouncer now too. He grimaced at the big guy in all black. There was no reason for it, but he didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.
“He’ll be here later. He’s busy with some designer or something.” Minho replied with a strained smile. He didn’t want to be here any more than the others, but he was, so he just decided to grin and bear it. That and there were going to be cheap drinks involved, and who was he to pass up a good time?
“As long as he shows up here. I don’t want to wander here by myself in case someone sees me.”
“Calm down, hyung. You’ll be fine.” Minho patted Kyuhyun’s back, trying to get him to stop bitching before anything even happened. No one needed to deal with that this early on.
“I don’t understand how you’re so calm about this.” Jonghyun said as they walked down a darkened hallway. It was lit ever so slightly by neon lights in the shape of lips and martini glasses.
What the fuck were they getting themselves into?
“It’s just for fun.” Minho replied, trying to keep everyone’s mood light. He knew this was going to be his task for the night.
“It’s for your dumb class.” Changmin interjected, elbowing Jonghyun in the side.
“How did I know taking a women and gender studies class would land me here?” Jonghyun whined, hand now rubbing the back of his neck gingerly.
He didn’t want to be here any more than he wanted to be in the 7th circle of hell, but Key had gone through a lot to get them into the club, and he was super lucky Minho had the hookup too with a friend who worked here, but this……………this was going to be interesting.
“Let’s just do this okay? Stay classy.” Kyuhyun said as he pulled back a large black curtain.
The curtain revealed a harsh pink wonderland.
Neon lights along the walls read messages of “ladies night”s and “drinks on me!”s in various colors, while the stage before them sparkled with sequined strands and glitter on the runway.
Yes, Kyuline was about to have their first drag club experience.
Why you ask?
Because Jonghyun had a great idea once. It was to take a class on gender studies in urban areas. Why did he take this? For the girls, of course. Why else? He got his girls, sure, but there's always a less than great side to any class, and this particular downside included a project. A project which landed him the task of going to find a place that defied gender stereotypes.
After a couple weeks of searching and brainstorming, he decided to go to Minho's friend Key. Key was, well, he had a lot of connections in a lot of different places, and not many people could really handle him. He was a very distinct personality.
But then again, so was all of Kyuline.
Anyway, Key knew of a club. A drag club. Perfect, right?
Not really.
Jonghyun thought he could get away with doing a little research and being done, but after consulting his professor, he was forced to go and meet up with Key and Minho's friend Kwanghee.
Hwang Kwanghee by day, drag entertainer by night.
Since it was the only lead he’d gotten to that point, Jonghyun went with it, and Key made a call right to Kwanghee who shrieked so loudly over the phone that Jonghyun knew he was in for an experience.
Minho laughed and promised to get the rest of Kyuline to go with Jonghyun and Key, since Jonghyun would feel more comfortable if someone who got along well enough with girls were there.
Unfortunately, Key had last minute plans that came up, and were “tragically unavoidable” as he put it, and, well, the 5 boys walked into the club without a hint of confidence in their posse.
They reveled in their surroundings, becoming dizzy at the heavy scent of perfume and harsh pink lights. Nothing could have prepared them for this. Not even a marathon of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Minho laughed and wrapped an arm around Changmin as they became a little more accommodated to their surroundings.
“Hey! Maybe you’ll get a girl tonight, eh hyung?”
“Maybe~ Jonghyun’s here, but I’m sure I can do better than him at this place.”
Minho smirked back at the group.
Oh yeah, there was that small fun fact.
Changmin wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. The guys gave him enough shit for it on a daily basis, and Changmin knew it was all out of fun, but there were times when the boys really couldn't believe the level of stupid seeping from his satellite dish ears.
This was one of those times.
When Minho had asked, well bribed, him to go with him and they guys to the drag show for Jonghyun's project, he immediately said yes.
Minho, as you could guess, was a little more than shocked at Changmin's easy acceptance of the offer. He asked him if he was sure, and Changmin replied positively, stating that "I like those girls a lot. They wear those crazy outfits, right? My kind of girls~".
That's right.
Changmin thought these girls were real girls…
And he was wrong.
Minho had to stifle a laugh under his breath once he heard Changmin's excitement, because for as nice as he was, he was Kyuline for a reason.
But would Kyuline tell Changmin that these girls were actually guys and let him live down the embarrassment of hitting on a queen?
Who do you think they are?
The 5 sidled up to the bar and ordered fairly strong drinks among them, in hopes of maybe blurring the lights and sounds now thumping through their bloodstreams. They couldn't find much conversation among themselves, being in such awe of their new environment, but the drinks were helping a lot. Suddenly, Minho felt a hand along his waist and before he could think, he slapped it off, immediately spinning around on his stool with a look that could kill across his face. Tonight was not the night.
“Whoa! Slow down there, Killer! It’s just me~” the voice said, and immediately Minho knew who it was.
Minho blushed, not that anyone could tell under the light, but he wasn’t used to seeing Kwanghee like this. He was dolled up from head to toe, makeup probably easily a couple of inches thick, done to perfection as everything Kwanghee does. Minho brought his friend into a hug, “Hyung! You look great!”
“Don’t muss me. My hair took hours to do tonight.” Kwanghee primped his curls a little, pursing his lips in the process.
“Sorry~ So how’re you?”
“Oh I’m fabulous~ I see you brought the boys~?” Kwanghee leant to the side around Minho and waved to the other 4 gentlemen behind him. He got 4 very unsure waves back from 4 heavily blushing boys.
“Yeah I did! Jonghyun’s the one who’s writing the project up. But Hyung, try to go easy on him okay?”
“Yah! I’m not your hyung tonight. Tonight, I’m Lola Lush. Or Lulu for short, if I decide I like you. Where’s Key?”
“He’ll be here in a bit.” Minho laughed. He really couldn't believe this was happening.
“Ahh, good. Well, the show’s about to start, so go take your seats! Go go go!" He made a motion to scoot them out of their stools and toward the seats by the stage, "I have some reserved for you in front~ See you in a bit!” Kwanghee gave Minho an air kiss and left with a skip in his step.
Minho was beaming from his hyung being so great, but when he turned around he was met with all the judging glares in the world.
“What?!”
“You really know her?” Changmin asked, super doe-eyed, like he'd seen something exquisite, like a Greek goddess, or an entire buffet of Chinese food freshly prepared.
“.....Yeah?.....”
“Can I meet her?”
“...After the show. Come on. It’s about to start.” Minho grabbed Changmin’s arm and led him and the others to their reserved seats, which were so lovingly graced with pink fur-trimmed placards stating “Reserved for friends of Lola Lush” in pretty cursive writing. Shit just turned so next level that the boys could feel the perfume seeping into their skin. Things were about to get real.
The boys grimaced before sitting down and no more than 20 seconds later did the shimmering silver sequined curtain strands get brushed to the side.
Kwanghee-I mean, Lola Lush, strutted out down the middle of the spotlit runway in a short, blue and yellow ringmaster’s outfit. He had a blue sequined tophat and tight permed wig to boot, with fishnets and yellow glitter 4 inch heels.
He looked good, and he knew it.
The boys all clapped, whooping and hollering, Changmin still looking on in awe of Kwanghee, or Lola Lush as he knew him.
The guys would tell him eventually, but not until he’d made a fool of himself. Because really, how could they not let this hilarity ensue? It was too good, and they would never see it again once they told him. It'd be like seeing a mermaid but then trying to get its number and it deciding to never let its majesty grace your presence again.
Just like that, or something.
Kwanghee began his intro, "Hello Sweethearts~ Welcome to Lavender Lust. I am Lola Lush and I run things around here. I hope you're all ready for the best night of your lives. Let me give you a little taste of what's to come~".
Kwanghee took his place at the back of the stage. The music began, bass thumping and synth twirling shapes by pink and purple light. He strutted out onto the runway, hips swaying like the best girl groups on the scene. He finally started singing a short song, something about "don't be jealous of my boogie", and then sent out the rest of the girls onto the runway, all of them decked out in the most outrageous of costumes.
Changmin smiled, and Kyuhyun and Minho both looked at each other, laughing to themselves.
The music kept blaring, and as various girls came out to do their specific acts, whether comedy or dance or a beautiful ballad lipsync, they all seemed to focus their acts on Kyuline.
A number of girls sat on various boys' laps, using them for jokes, and dancing alike. Minho and Jonghyun were the most popular, but Changmin, Kyuhyun, and Joonmyun had their fair share of attention as well.
The best parts of the night were the lipsyncs. 2 of these lipsyncs, Kyuhyun and Changmin were invited on stage for. There was also a “hot bod” contest for the guys in the audience, a contest which Minho won with flying colors. Not that the competition really stood a chance. He knew he’d win, and if he hadn’t………well, we won’t go there. Wigs would be wielded and make up would be mussed, to say the least.
In the end, if the lipstick stains now ruining their shirts were any indication of their successes throughout the night, then nothing would be.
The show ended with a small "thank you" from Kwanghee, and the boys went back to the bar, smelling of rank perfume and pink in the cheeks from the outrageous lipstick shades of the queens, who had taken advantage of their pretty and kissed the boys to their hearts’ content.
They ordered strong drinks once again, hoping to further dull the memories they’d now acquired in this pink hell.
But what they weren’t prepared for was to lose someone, besides Changmin, to one of the girls.
Kwanghee walked up to the boys again, now changed into a more casual outfit of a white dress with red polka dots and red shoes to match, and politely asked, “Jonghyun~ Would you like to come with me?” He fluttered his fake sparkly eyelashes and folded his nicely painted nails across his fake chest.
“Sure, why not. I’ll be back in 20.” He said to the boys.
“WAIT!” Changmin yelled, standing up from his seat. Was this about to happen? Really?
“Yes?” Kwanghee replied, turning on his heels. He batted his eyelashes once more, full princess mode activated.
“Uhm, could I buy you a drink?” Changmin asked. Kyuline all let out a single audible gasp. This was the most composed they’d ever seen Changmin in front of a girl, and it wasn’t even a real one? No way.
The smile on Changmin's face just read cheese. He was way too confident. This was weird.
“Sorry, sweetie." Kwanghee replied. "I don’t let members of the same sex buy me drinks while I’m at work.”
“……………I don’t get it. I’m a guy.” His face started to slowly sink back from confident to confused.
“So am I sweetie. So am I. If the offer still stands, I’ll be out of here at 2:30.” Kwanghee said, kissing Changmin square on the lips, leaving Changmin’s lips stained bright red.
Kwanghee skipped back off of Changmin and squeaked, dragging Jonghyun backstage with him.
Kyuline remained silent for a good 30 seconds, well, as silent as one could be in club such as this.
“Wait……………that was a guy?” Changmin asked.
“Yes.” Joonmyun answered.
“Are all of these girls really guys?!” Changmin's eyes were growing wider by the second.
“Yes, hyung, They are.”
“DO I LIKE GUYS?!?!” His hands now tangled in his hair.
“No, you just liked guys dressed as girls who flirted with you. It’s like if you hit on a stripper. It’s their job to act like they like you. Except they’re girls. These are boys. Boy strippers. But not really. Kind of like-"
“That’s enough Joonmyun.” Kyuhyun said, patting his shoulder. Joonmyun finished his shot and got another one to wait on.
“Changmin, these are boys. You don’t like boys. They don’t like you. Better luck next time.” Kyuhyun said with a tug at Changmin’s ear, in hopes of bringing his best friend back to reality.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!” Changmin screamed, head now collapsed into his lap.
“Bartender? The strongest thing you can make, and make it double. Please? Thanks sweetie.” Minho said to the girl behind the bar.
The drink came and Changmin downed it.
“Another.”
“Hyung, I don’t think-"
“Another. Now.”
Changmin's eyes could've bored holes through a solid steel wall, but that would die down soon enough. He just needed more alcohol, as all of them did at this point.
And after about 3 more of the same drink, all downed while Kyuhyun, Joonmyun, and Minho told him they were sorry for not telling him earlier, Changmin successfully blacked out.
This meant for a great time later, but now they needed to leave before he did anything stupid.
Luckily, at that moment, Jonghyun walked back from backstage with his face more flushed now than it’d been before.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” a new voice said.
They turned around and Key had finally shown up, bag tossed over his shoulder and hair bright pink to match the red lights.
“Fuck you! You ditched us and made us watch this all alone!” Jonghyun said right back, not missing a beat. Sure he wasn't the closest to Key, but Key had ditched them, and Jonghyun had just been exposed to more than he'd wanted just now. He better get an A++ on this goddamn project, or so help him-
“Dude, wait, why the hell is your face so flushed?” Joonmyun asked. He put a hand up to Jonghyun's forehead trying to take his temperature. Jonghyun swatted his hand away.
“I saw things dude. Terrible, horrific things. Things I won’t ever mention again...except in my project.”
“What, did they untuck for you?” Key asked like it was nothing.
“WHAT?!” Kyuhyun yelled, appalled at his suggestion. His face was contorted into a look of horror. No way was this happening.
“What? It’s normal. How else do you think they wear such skimpy clothing.”
“Tuck~ Tuck~ Tuck~ Untuck best~” Changmin slurred.
“We need to leave. Now.” Kyuhyun said, his focus now back on reality enough to give his best friend a shoulder.
“You guys make him blackout?” Key asked as they left.
“Only a little. A lot of it was his own doing! Don't blame us.” Minho replied, trying to sound innocent.
“I wanna be a queen~ tuck tuck tuck~” Changmin slurred once more. He was starting to giggle and toss his hand around a little, acting like Ms. Korea waving to her fans.
Kyuhyun stopped and almost dropped Changmin, giving him a look that could kill.
“If you keep this shit up, we’re leaving you here with your queens, you asshole.”
“Wait, Key, can we get some underwear from the girls here?” Joonmyun asked.
“What the fuck? I don't-" Minho started.
“Because if Changmin wants to be a queen, and he won’t remember this in the morning, then I say we make him a queen, since he wants it so badly.” Joonmyun said once they started walking again. The glint in his eye was unmistakable. He was part of this friend group for a reason.
“I have the perfect lady who has the perfect bra.” Key said, smirk now appearing on his face. He dialed a number and began talking to someone named "Clara Belle", walking a little ahead of the group now.
“Why?” Minho asked, shaking his head. This was not how he expected his night to end, but why did he expect any different at this point? Kyuline was just a mess, but he loved them for it.
“Shut up, it’s fine. Let’s just get out of here before I get touched inappropriately again. I need a shower.” Jonghyun said, shoving them all into the train terminal.
Kyuline eventually made it back to Kyuhyun and Changmin’s apartment, all properly intoxicated so as to enjoy the night as best they could.
Blackmail was had in the form of scandalous queen (aka zebra print bra and panties) attire for Queen Minnie Mouse, or so they had decided Changmin’s drag name would be.
And with photo evidence created and placed in Minho's wallet for safe keeping, it was sure to be a night none of them could forget. Ever.
Pairing: Minho-centric, Kyuline (BROt5), feat. Key and Kwanghee
Genre: College!au, Comedy, Crack, Debauchery.
Rating: PG-13 (heavy swearing, drag queen things, heavy drinking)
Summary: Jonghyun's gender studies class requires a project about defying gender stereotypes. Luckily for him, Minho knows the perfect place for Jonghyun to use as his topic. So as Kyuline goes on an adventure to the local drag club, debauchery ensues.
a/n: DEDICATED TO shayepuree. Because this started as something else and she told me to post it here. So I am. And this is me paying her back for being a really great best friend. ^^
There was absolutely no reason for them to be there.
Absolutely none at all.
Okay so maybe there was one.
They’d just never admit it.
And god forbid anyone saw them there because if they did, their reputations would be ruined for the rest of their menial existences.
“Are we really doing this?” Joonmyun pulled the collar of his jacket up around his neck. It wasn’t that cold out, but he wore a jacket and hat, looking as if he were ready for the brisk fall breezes…too bad it was late May.
If he was feeling the pressure, then it was tenfold worse for the others.
“Yes. We’re here, okay? Now play nice. This won’t take long. And the girls are nice, alright?” Minho said as he gave his ID to the bouncer. He nodded his head with a short smile and walked inside, 4 other guys at his heels.
“But why are we here by ourselves? Isn’t Key supposed to be here or something? It’s his friend.” Kyuhyun said, taking his ID back from the bouncer now too. He grimaced at the big guy in all black. There was no reason for it, but he didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.
“He’ll be here later. He’s busy with some designer or something.” Minho replied with a strained smile. He didn’t want to be here any more than the others, but he was, so he just decided to grin and bear it. That and there were going to be cheap drinks involved, and who was he to pass up a good time?
“As long as he shows up here. I don’t want to wander here by myself in case someone sees me.”
“Calm down, hyung. You’ll be fine.” Minho patted Kyuhyun’s back, trying to get him to stop bitching before anything even happened. No one needed to deal with that this early on.
“I don’t understand how you’re so calm about this.” Jonghyun said as they walked down a darkened hallway. It was lit ever so slightly by neon lights in the shape of lips and martini glasses.
What the fuck were they getting themselves into?
“It’s just for fun.” Minho replied, trying to keep everyone’s mood light. He knew this was going to be his task for the night.
“It’s for your dumb class.” Changmin interjected, elbowing Jonghyun in the side.
“How did I know taking a women and gender studies class would land me here?” Jonghyun whined, hand now rubbing the back of his neck gingerly.
He didn’t want to be here any more than he wanted to be in the 7th circle of hell, but Key had gone through a lot to get them into the club, and he was super lucky Minho had the hookup too with a friend who worked here, but this……………this was going to be interesting.
“Let’s just do this okay? Stay classy.” Kyuhyun said as he pulled back a large black curtain.
The curtain revealed a harsh pink wonderland.
Neon lights along the walls read messages of “ladies night”s and “drinks on me!”s in various colors, while the stage before them sparkled with sequined strands and glitter on the runway.
Yes, Kyuline was about to have their first drag club experience.
Why you ask?
Because Jonghyun had a great idea once. It was to take a class on gender studies in urban areas. Why did he take this? For the girls, of course. Why else? He got his girls, sure, but there's always a less than great side to any class, and this particular downside included a project. A project which landed him the task of going to find a place that defied gender stereotypes.
After a couple weeks of searching and brainstorming, he decided to go to Minho's friend Key. Key was, well, he had a lot of connections in a lot of different places, and not many people could really handle him. He was a very distinct personality.
But then again, so was all of Kyuline.
Anyway, Key knew of a club. A drag club. Perfect, right?
Not really.
Jonghyun thought he could get away with doing a little research and being done, but after consulting his professor, he was forced to go and meet up with Key and Minho's friend Kwanghee.
Hwang Kwanghee by day, drag entertainer by night.
Since it was the only lead he’d gotten to that point, Jonghyun went with it, and Key made a call right to Kwanghee who shrieked so loudly over the phone that Jonghyun knew he was in for an experience.
Minho laughed and promised to get the rest of Kyuline to go with Jonghyun and Key, since Jonghyun would feel more comfortable if someone who got along well enough with girls were there.
Unfortunately, Key had last minute plans that came up, and were “tragically unavoidable” as he put it, and, well, the 5 boys walked into the club without a hint of confidence in their posse.
They reveled in their surroundings, becoming dizzy at the heavy scent of perfume and harsh pink lights. Nothing could have prepared them for this. Not even a marathon of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Minho laughed and wrapped an arm around Changmin as they became a little more accommodated to their surroundings.
“Hey! Maybe you’ll get a girl tonight, eh hyung?”
“Maybe~ Jonghyun’s here, but I’m sure I can do better than him at this place.”
Minho smirked back at the group.
Oh yeah, there was that small fun fact.
Changmin wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. The guys gave him enough shit for it on a daily basis, and Changmin knew it was all out of fun, but there were times when the boys really couldn't believe the level of stupid seeping from his satellite dish ears.
This was one of those times.
When Minho had asked, well bribed, him to go with him and they guys to the drag show for Jonghyun's project, he immediately said yes.
Minho, as you could guess, was a little more than shocked at Changmin's easy acceptance of the offer. He asked him if he was sure, and Changmin replied positively, stating that "I like those girls a lot. They wear those crazy outfits, right? My kind of girls~".
That's right.
Changmin thought these girls were real girls…
And he was wrong.
Minho had to stifle a laugh under his breath once he heard Changmin's excitement, because for as nice as he was, he was Kyuline for a reason.
But would Kyuline tell Changmin that these girls were actually guys and let him live down the embarrassment of hitting on a queen?
Who do you think they are?
The 5 sidled up to the bar and ordered fairly strong drinks among them, in hopes of maybe blurring the lights and sounds now thumping through their bloodstreams. They couldn't find much conversation among themselves, being in such awe of their new environment, but the drinks were helping a lot. Suddenly, Minho felt a hand along his waist and before he could think, he slapped it off, immediately spinning around on his stool with a look that could kill across his face. Tonight was not the night.
“Whoa! Slow down there, Killer! It’s just me~” the voice said, and immediately Minho knew who it was.
Minho blushed, not that anyone could tell under the light, but he wasn’t used to seeing Kwanghee like this. He was dolled up from head to toe, makeup probably easily a couple of inches thick, done to perfection as everything Kwanghee does. Minho brought his friend into a hug, “Hyung! You look great!”
“Don’t muss me. My hair took hours to do tonight.” Kwanghee primped his curls a little, pursing his lips in the process.
“Sorry~ So how’re you?”
“Oh I’m fabulous~ I see you brought the boys~?” Kwanghee leant to the side around Minho and waved to the other 4 gentlemen behind him. He got 4 very unsure waves back from 4 heavily blushing boys.
“Yeah I did! Jonghyun’s the one who’s writing the project up. But Hyung, try to go easy on him okay?”
“Yah! I’m not your hyung tonight. Tonight, I’m Lola Lush. Or Lulu for short, if I decide I like you. Where’s Key?”
“He’ll be here in a bit.” Minho laughed. He really couldn't believe this was happening.
“Ahh, good. Well, the show’s about to start, so go take your seats! Go go go!" He made a motion to scoot them out of their stools and toward the seats by the stage, "I have some reserved for you in front~ See you in a bit!” Kwanghee gave Minho an air kiss and left with a skip in his step.
Minho was beaming from his hyung being so great, but when he turned around he was met with all the judging glares in the world.
“What?!”
“You really know her?” Changmin asked, super doe-eyed, like he'd seen something exquisite, like a Greek goddess, or an entire buffet of Chinese food freshly prepared.
“.....Yeah?.....”
“Can I meet her?”
“...After the show. Come on. It’s about to start.” Minho grabbed Changmin’s arm and led him and the others to their reserved seats, which were so lovingly graced with pink fur-trimmed placards stating “Reserved for friends of Lola Lush” in pretty cursive writing. Shit just turned so next level that the boys could feel the perfume seeping into their skin. Things were about to get real.
The boys grimaced before sitting down and no more than 20 seconds later did the shimmering silver sequined curtain strands get brushed to the side.
Kwanghee-I mean, Lola Lush, strutted out down the middle of the spotlit runway in a short, blue and yellow ringmaster’s outfit. He had a blue sequined tophat and tight permed wig to boot, with fishnets and yellow glitter 4 inch heels.
He looked good, and he knew it.
The boys all clapped, whooping and hollering, Changmin still looking on in awe of Kwanghee, or Lola Lush as he knew him.
The guys would tell him eventually, but not until he’d made a fool of himself. Because really, how could they not let this hilarity ensue? It was too good, and they would never see it again once they told him. It'd be like seeing a mermaid but then trying to get its number and it deciding to never let its majesty grace your presence again.
Just like that, or something.
Kwanghee began his intro, "Hello Sweethearts~ Welcome to Lavender Lust. I am Lola Lush and I run things around here. I hope you're all ready for the best night of your lives. Let me give you a little taste of what's to come~".
Kwanghee took his place at the back of the stage. The music began, bass thumping and synth twirling shapes by pink and purple light. He strutted out onto the runway, hips swaying like the best girl groups on the scene. He finally started singing a short song, something about "don't be jealous of my boogie", and then sent out the rest of the girls onto the runway, all of them decked out in the most outrageous of costumes.
Changmin smiled, and Kyuhyun and Minho both looked at each other, laughing to themselves.
The music kept blaring, and as various girls came out to do their specific acts, whether comedy or dance or a beautiful ballad lipsync, they all seemed to focus their acts on Kyuline.
A number of girls sat on various boys' laps, using them for jokes, and dancing alike. Minho and Jonghyun were the most popular, but Changmin, Kyuhyun, and Joonmyun had their fair share of attention as well.
The best parts of the night were the lipsyncs. 2 of these lipsyncs, Kyuhyun and Changmin were invited on stage for. There was also a “hot bod” contest for the guys in the audience, a contest which Minho won with flying colors. Not that the competition really stood a chance. He knew he’d win, and if he hadn’t………well, we won’t go there. Wigs would be wielded and make up would be mussed, to say the least.
In the end, if the lipstick stains now ruining their shirts were any indication of their successes throughout the night, then nothing would be.
The show ended with a small "thank you" from Kwanghee, and the boys went back to the bar, smelling of rank perfume and pink in the cheeks from the outrageous lipstick shades of the queens, who had taken advantage of their pretty and kissed the boys to their hearts’ content.
They ordered strong drinks once again, hoping to further dull the memories they’d now acquired in this pink hell.
But what they weren’t prepared for was to lose someone, besides Changmin, to one of the girls.
Kwanghee walked up to the boys again, now changed into a more casual outfit of a white dress with red polka dots and red shoes to match, and politely asked, “Jonghyun~ Would you like to come with me?” He fluttered his fake sparkly eyelashes and folded his nicely painted nails across his fake chest.
“Sure, why not. I’ll be back in 20.” He said to the boys.
“WAIT!” Changmin yelled, standing up from his seat. Was this about to happen? Really?
“Yes?” Kwanghee replied, turning on his heels. He batted his eyelashes once more, full princess mode activated.
“Uhm, could I buy you a drink?” Changmin asked. Kyuline all let out a single audible gasp. This was the most composed they’d ever seen Changmin in front of a girl, and it wasn’t even a real one? No way.
The smile on Changmin's face just read cheese. He was way too confident. This was weird.
“Sorry, sweetie." Kwanghee replied. "I don’t let members of the same sex buy me drinks while I’m at work.”
“……………I don’t get it. I’m a guy.” His face started to slowly sink back from confident to confused.
“So am I sweetie. So am I. If the offer still stands, I’ll be out of here at 2:30.” Kwanghee said, kissing Changmin square on the lips, leaving Changmin’s lips stained bright red.
Kwanghee skipped back off of Changmin and squeaked, dragging Jonghyun backstage with him.
Kyuline remained silent for a good 30 seconds, well, as silent as one could be in club such as this.
“Wait……………that was a guy?” Changmin asked.
“Yes.” Joonmyun answered.
“Are all of these girls really guys?!” Changmin's eyes were growing wider by the second.
“Yes, hyung, They are.”
“DO I LIKE GUYS?!?!” His hands now tangled in his hair.
“No, you just liked guys dressed as girls who flirted with you. It’s like if you hit on a stripper. It’s their job to act like they like you. Except they’re girls. These are boys. Boy strippers. But not really. Kind of like-"
“That’s enough Joonmyun.” Kyuhyun said, patting his shoulder. Joonmyun finished his shot and got another one to wait on.
“Changmin, these are boys. You don’t like boys. They don’t like you. Better luck next time.” Kyuhyun said with a tug at Changmin’s ear, in hopes of bringing his best friend back to reality.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!” Changmin screamed, head now collapsed into his lap.
“Bartender? The strongest thing you can make, and make it double. Please? Thanks sweetie.” Minho said to the girl behind the bar.
The drink came and Changmin downed it.
“Another.”
“Hyung, I don’t think-"
“Another. Now.”
Changmin's eyes could've bored holes through a solid steel wall, but that would die down soon enough. He just needed more alcohol, as all of them did at this point.
And after about 3 more of the same drink, all downed while Kyuhyun, Joonmyun, and Minho told him they were sorry for not telling him earlier, Changmin successfully blacked out.
This meant for a great time later, but now they needed to leave before he did anything stupid.
Luckily, at that moment, Jonghyun walked back from backstage with his face more flushed now than it’d been before.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” a new voice said.
They turned around and Key had finally shown up, bag tossed over his shoulder and hair bright pink to match the red lights.
“Fuck you! You ditched us and made us watch this all alone!” Jonghyun said right back, not missing a beat. Sure he wasn't the closest to Key, but Key had ditched them, and Jonghyun had just been exposed to more than he'd wanted just now. He better get an A++ on this goddamn project, or so help him-
“Dude, wait, why the hell is your face so flushed?” Joonmyun asked. He put a hand up to Jonghyun's forehead trying to take his temperature. Jonghyun swatted his hand away.
“I saw things dude. Terrible, horrific things. Things I won’t ever mention again...except in my project.”
“What, did they untuck for you?” Key asked like it was nothing.
“WHAT?!” Kyuhyun yelled, appalled at his suggestion. His face was contorted into a look of horror. No way was this happening.
“What? It’s normal. How else do you think they wear such skimpy clothing.”
“Tuck~ Tuck~ Tuck~ Untuck best~” Changmin slurred.
“We need to leave. Now.” Kyuhyun said, his focus now back on reality enough to give his best friend a shoulder.
“You guys make him blackout?” Key asked as they left.
“Only a little. A lot of it was his own doing! Don't blame us.” Minho replied, trying to sound innocent.
“I wanna be a queen~ tuck tuck tuck~” Changmin slurred once more. He was starting to giggle and toss his hand around a little, acting like Ms. Korea waving to her fans.
Kyuhyun stopped and almost dropped Changmin, giving him a look that could kill.
“If you keep this shit up, we’re leaving you here with your queens, you asshole.”
“Wait, Key, can we get some underwear from the girls here?” Joonmyun asked.
“What the fuck? I don't-" Minho started.
“Because if Changmin wants to be a queen, and he won’t remember this in the morning, then I say we make him a queen, since he wants it so badly.” Joonmyun said once they started walking again. The glint in his eye was unmistakable. He was part of this friend group for a reason.
“I have the perfect lady who has the perfect bra.” Key said, smirk now appearing on his face. He dialed a number and began talking to someone named "Clara Belle", walking a little ahead of the group now.
“Why?” Minho asked, shaking his head. This was not how he expected his night to end, but why did he expect any different at this point? Kyuline was just a mess, but he loved them for it.
“Shut up, it’s fine. Let’s just get out of here before I get touched inappropriately again. I need a shower.” Jonghyun said, shoving them all into the train terminal.
Kyuline eventually made it back to Kyuhyun and Changmin’s apartment, all properly intoxicated so as to enjoy the night as best they could.
Blackmail was had in the form of scandalous queen (aka zebra print bra and panties) attire for Queen Minnie Mouse, or so they had decided Changmin’s drag name would be.
And with photo evidence created and placed in Minho's wallet for safe keeping, it was sure to be a night none of them could forget. Ever.