How many times

[lizsatan]

do I have to remind myself not to fall.
I am not happy
I am not here for anything but..
for what I do
I think
it's how I feel at least and I feel lost.
I wish I had a bright future like everyone I see around me
maybe then I'd have something worth putting my effort into...
I just feel like I've been on this earth the past few years to do others good
nothing makes me happy anymore
nothing at all
I can't even lie to myself into thinking I'm happy anymore
I look it but I don't feel it
I've had a broken heart for four years
and it's never gotten fixed
and it never will
and I don't even know what it's broken over
it just hurts and isn't in it's right state
I haven't been able to open up to anyone
or let my guard down
I want to let it down to drop some weight off my shoulders
but I don't know what the burden I'm carrying is
so how the fuck can I just drop it and be happy
I don't even know what it feels like to be important to someone.
I don't think I ever will.
I'm not fit for anything I've put myself into
because my heart isn't stable enough for anything that could possibly happen
for whatever has happened to it
I don't fucking know
I fucking hate the world
and what it's made up of
It could've been so much better than this..