control is something out of my control.
Before I even get something I want, I already feel like I am losing it. I have the tendency of making myself sick over the idea that nothing good in my life can stay. Instead of enjoying what I have at the moment, I stutter and fall back on all of my previous preemptive failures. I fail myself and people I've met that I've genuinely given a shit about due to the fact that I am utterly convinced that I can not stay happy. fuck