(no subject)
Been a looooooong time since I've put up on entry on my computer the, last few have been off of my mobile. Typing like this really brings back memories..... But anyway, on my way home today I saw two bulldogs on a street corner. Their owners were letting them meet. I was overwhelmed by the intense urning to have one. I've been in love with bulldogs for the longest time. One day I hope I'll be able to have one. Or a calico cat. For some reason I've always been intrigued with them. I came very close to getting a cat through a friend a few weeks ago. I wonder how different my life would have been even just a month after had I ended up with Allegra. Anyway, after I saw those two bulldogs I realized that I have this urge to have a pet a lot more then I have the urge to be in a relationship. I mean as much as I have daydreams about being with someone, I realized that I have NO IDEA what a relationship would look like. I don't really think that it's that's good or bad thing. I mean that's probably why I had to blog it out. As I type i realize that it's neither. It's just a fact. I can learn. When I'm ready. Maybe that day of rediness will come sooner then later. I'm starting to do some more work in the relationship department. Have a sponsor in SLAA and going to more meetings and starting to work towards a recovery plan.
I feel like there's a whole storm of things going on right now as well. There's an opportunity for me to start a pre-apprenticeship program, Im considering moving, getting a car, being broke, TNL, O YA and a BUNCH of AA shit on the go. SO many balls in the air at once is overwhelming for sure. Compounded that by the fact that I'm on a bit of an hypo-mania its all too much if I try to think of it all at once, (and boy does my mind want to try) I just have to accept that I alone can't handle this. I have to rely upon God more and more. Prolly the only way I'll survive this whole mess. And when I'm in it, sometimes its hard to appreciate that this is actually all good shit thats happening (albeit all at once) and I should be grateful. Fuck it, I am grateful.
I feel like there's a whole storm of things going on right now as well. There's an opportunity for me to start a pre-apprenticeship program, Im considering moving, getting a car, being broke, TNL, O YA and a BUNCH of AA shit on the go. SO many balls in the air at once is overwhelming for sure. Compounded that by the fact that I'm on a bit of an hypo-mania its all too much if I try to think of it all at once, (and boy does my mind want to try) I just have to accept that I alone can't handle this. I have to rely upon God more and more. Prolly the only way I'll survive this whole mess. And when I'm in it, sometimes its hard to appreciate that this is actually all good shit thats happening (albeit all at once) and I should be grateful. Fuck it, I am grateful.