extreme frustration, extremely long entry
i have my own list of priorities that nobody else understands except for me. i don't expect anybody else to understand, of course, but i think people should allow me a small margin of respect for my decisions.
this weekend has really made me upset, between all the things i've been running around to do. most of it revolves around saturday and today.
so it starts with my parents yelling at me and telling me that i can't go to my soccer games on saturday morning. we're in the middle of a tournament, but they said that i can't play, doctor's orders. okay, i usually ignore them, but today they're being persistent, and they won't let me leave. all i manage to do is weasel some money for fnhs stuff later. so i have to go to my room and sulk until they leave first, then immediately change into my uniform and speed like there's no tomorrow. i get to the bus late, and of course everybody is rightfully pissed off at my for being late as usual. then i have to make some bullshit excuse about sleeping in, blah blah blah.
after the game, which we lose, i find out there's a possibility that we play later. okay, that's fine, but i have an fnhs activity that i planned and scheduled for weeks now that i have to go to downtown at the nasher, so i'm going to be late. we leave at about 1 but we don't even get there until 2... but they want me to be back in richardson at 3. logistically impossible. oh well, i try my best, but i get a phone call at 3 with my coach bitching me out for letting the team down, etc. she even accuses me of lying and choosing to go to a "party" instead of a game.
what the fuck, seriously. first of all, who the hell told her it was a party? party my ass, we were at a fucking museum. maybe this is my fault for not letting her know that i'm the president of an honor organization that has to plan monthly activities so that people can get their points in and actually do something every once in a while. maybe i should have told her that out of six officers, the only people who showed up were me and the secretary michelle, and that even though my bitch of a french teacher chewed out our asses for "not caring" about fnhs, none of the other officers bother to help plan or show up to anything, so i have to be there to make sure things actually happen.
anyway, i left at 3, like i'd planned, 2 hours earlier than i was supposed to. i show up at the game 10 minutes after it's started, and sit the bench for the rest of the game. that's fine, that's what i'd expected, but everybody stayed pissed off, thought i was at a party, whatever. great.
and the fucked up part is that it's a lose-lose situation. okay, which one would you pick? a tournament game, not a district game, where you're one player out of about 18, and you're pretty much replaceable, or an organization of which you're president and a required activity you planned? sorry if i'm not going to let this reflect badly on me as president and badly on fnhs. it wasn't even really a choice between the two, i made it to the damn game.
at any rate, playing high school soccer did not get me into columbia. in fact i'm already in, so why should i give a shit about these things? but i still do. and this happens with a lot of sponsors, a lot of organizations. everybody thinks their organization is the most imporant. i think the only people who had ever respected my schedule was my club soccer team. i showed up late, i didn't show up, whatever, but they always knew why. they knew i worked hard and did my best, and that i didn't skip for fucking stupid reasons like "not wanting to practice" and things like that. it's because i'm always doing something. christ, if people could understand busy schedules, understand that between school, club soccer, high school soccer, debate, orchestra, fnhs, nhs, and all that other shit that there's no room even to sleep, i would be content. but people don't even give me that much credit, it's just "why are you always late, you don't care enough, blah blah blah."
i wish i could just say FUCK YOU to everybody and then quit everything. too bad i actually care about what i do to the point that i withstand everybody's shit to do it. even my parents. oh they're my favorites, because they don't want me to do anything. everytime i have a debate tournament, soccer tournament, whatever, they bitch me out about going, bitch me out about spending money for things, whatever. it really makes me upset that other parents would be happy and proud that their kids are involved and spend all their time doing things like this instead of going out and actually enjoying themselves, but not my parents. i have to beg them just to let me out the door, just to give me money to pay for things i need. no matter how much i explain to them what i'm doing or why i have to do it, they don't understand, they can't even CONCEIVE of why it would be necessary for me to do anything besides homework.
speaking of which, they're currently bitching me out for buying flowers for winter ball and music for solo and ensemble. i'm really sorry, i'm in a "i hate everybody" mood right now.