another weekend
this is going to be a really, really long journal entry.. sorry!
the weekend isn't exactly over yet, thank goodness, but the last two days were pretty eventful, and i predict that the next 3 will not be-- i'm just going to be catching up on sleep and work.
friday was terrible, but it ended on a positive note.
b1 was okay, i actually did my physics homework for once and knew exactly what mr. lines was talking about. so i think by now everyone has heard my whining about making a c, and i'm still upset about that, but glad that i chose to take physics as opposed to other 6th subject choices because [contrary to what is reflected by my grade] i'm learning a lot in there. and mr. lines, i have to admit, is one of those rare teachers who really cares about the students [like my french teacher, but don't get me started on how pissed i am that she's leaving]. he's pulled me aside and talked about the need for sleep and easing up my schedule... and sent me to the counselor too.
b2 wasn't bad either, but it made me even more antsy to talk to ms. saccho, who never did end up calling me in. in her opinion, ap calculus is the better choice if you're not intending to be a math major. but math is important in a science major, so i don't know. also, i'm wondering if she made this comment because she honestly thinks that, or because she doesn't want garland ib or the teachers looking bad by having a bunch of kids failing the hl test as a result of poor preparation.
b3, i completed most of my bio worksheet thanks to my new bio tutor eric [derek is my math tutor if i stay in ms. cockrell's class] and learned so much more from half an hour reviewing with eric than several class periods.
and my mom came in during b3. well, there's been talk about needing to quit something. so my parents point to debate as the first to go. i think not. so i had her come up and talk to my debate teacher. when i left for 4th period, my mom was crying.
b4, bio, we took a quiz. and it was pretty difficult, just like her other tests and quizzes that ask for stupid nitpicky things in the book that we couldn't even have an idea of from our horrible excuse for notes in class. [i'm aware that that was a terrible sentence, but you get what i mean]
so then we leave for the pep rally, and i go up to the debate room to do my french journals. i ended up only completing the written and not the audio, because i spent the time in the copy room listening to ms. forbes recount what all my mom had said and crying my eyes out too.
the conversation was not about debate, but about me. about how selfish i am, about how i'm not as good as my brothers, about how i'm a terrible daughter, about how i put the burden of the world on her shoulders. okay, my mom does have the beginnings case there, but she depicts me as this horrible person who is beyond help. what can i do? i've worked all my life to fight this, but i can never win. i know she loves me, and i love her, and i appreciate her, but she doesn't appreciate me. she doesn't like me, and she wishes i were... well this is who she wants me to be: ranked #1 at some regular school, plays tennis and piano, never leaves the house otherwise. no mind of my own. just smiles and offers to pour tea and wash dishes. whatever else i do, whatever else i've accomplished, it doesn't matter. she doesn't love or appreciate me for that. she only loves me because i'm her daughter. when you think about it, that's a limited extent, and that's not enough to stop me from crying and to stop her from criticizing me.
after fnhs, i came home and slept. i woke up at like, 9 or something. shelbs called. we talked, i cried some more, but she calmed me some. my dad heard me crying and came in to talk to me. then my mom came home and said if i cried any longer she would leave because she knew that i hated her and that i was crying out of selfishness. she said that she could only hope that i would cry half has much at her funeral. and lots of other spiteful things, none of them true. so i begged her forgiveness, said i was so sorry for crying, and told her that i'd never cry or complain again. if you haven't noticed, i cry [and lie] a lot.
but then travis called, and said he and his friends were coming over. what? i thought. they live in richardson. but they showed up on my porch at 10 pm, travis, trung, and philip. apparently, driving out to rowlett to see me was a better alternative to staying and watching the football team lose the homecoming game. so we headed out for some sonic, then went to that public playground on 66 and played on the equipment. they hung around my house for a while before leaving. and i went to bed forgetting the other 22 hours of the day that had elapsed, feeling fine.
saturday morning began at 6 am. we ended up losing our game 2-0. we're on a losing streak.
then i came home at 11, realizing that that day was homecoming with travis, and i still had to make a hair appointment and order a boutonniere. but before i could complete my frantic phone calls, brian calls and reminds me that we have a date for tennis. so i went out and played a little tennis for an hour and came back in.
picked up the boutonniere and had my hair done. it looks crazy. got dressed, travis showed up. we left at about 6. drove down to mockingbird station where we walked around the stores for a while. then dinner at a fabulous thai place followed by gelatto. extra fun when you're all dressed up.
then we arrived at his school for the dance. berkner's homecoming wasn't very exciting. i've never been to a garland one, but i'm pretty sure that they're infinitely better than berkner's. in fact, we only stayed about 30 minutes.
luckily, trung lives near berkner. we had stopped by earlier and warned him that we wouldn't be at the dance long, so he could anticipate us again later. when we got there philip had arrived as well. so we sat around trung's house trying to figure out what we were going to do. we ended up going to main event and playing video games and laser tag. yeah, playing laser tag in a long dress isn't easy, but i had a lot of fun anyway. after we went back to trung's house and hung out for a while, i took travis home and crashed in my bed a little after 1. makeup, hair, and everything.
i feel a lot better after last night. i was going to follow this up with an angry rant about how the ib program is going down the drain, but i'm going to end this entry positively. we'll save that for tomorrow or something.
the weekend isn't exactly over yet, thank goodness, but the last two days were pretty eventful, and i predict that the next 3 will not be-- i'm just going to be catching up on sleep and work.
friday was terrible, but it ended on a positive note.
b1 was okay, i actually did my physics homework for once and knew exactly what mr. lines was talking about. so i think by now everyone has heard my whining about making a c, and i'm still upset about that, but glad that i chose to take physics as opposed to other 6th subject choices because [contrary to what is reflected by my grade] i'm learning a lot in there. and mr. lines, i have to admit, is one of those rare teachers who really cares about the students [like my french teacher, but don't get me started on how pissed i am that she's leaving]. he's pulled me aside and talked about the need for sleep and easing up my schedule... and sent me to the counselor too.
b2 wasn't bad either, but it made me even more antsy to talk to ms. saccho, who never did end up calling me in. in her opinion, ap calculus is the better choice if you're not intending to be a math major. but math is important in a science major, so i don't know. also, i'm wondering if she made this comment because she honestly thinks that, or because she doesn't want garland ib or the teachers looking bad by having a bunch of kids failing the hl test as a result of poor preparation.
b3, i completed most of my bio worksheet thanks to my new bio tutor eric [derek is my math tutor if i stay in ms. cockrell's class] and learned so much more from half an hour reviewing with eric than several class periods.
and my mom came in during b3. well, there's been talk about needing to quit something. so my parents point to debate as the first to go. i think not. so i had her come up and talk to my debate teacher. when i left for 4th period, my mom was crying.
b4, bio, we took a quiz. and it was pretty difficult, just like her other tests and quizzes that ask for stupid nitpicky things in the book that we couldn't even have an idea of from our horrible excuse for notes in class. [i'm aware that that was a terrible sentence, but you get what i mean]
so then we leave for the pep rally, and i go up to the debate room to do my french journals. i ended up only completing the written and not the audio, because i spent the time in the copy room listening to ms. forbes recount what all my mom had said and crying my eyes out too.
the conversation was not about debate, but about me. about how selfish i am, about how i'm not as good as my brothers, about how i'm a terrible daughter, about how i put the burden of the world on her shoulders. okay, my mom does have the beginnings case there, but she depicts me as this horrible person who is beyond help. what can i do? i've worked all my life to fight this, but i can never win. i know she loves me, and i love her, and i appreciate her, but she doesn't appreciate me. she doesn't like me, and she wishes i were... well this is who she wants me to be: ranked #1 at some regular school, plays tennis and piano, never leaves the house otherwise. no mind of my own. just smiles and offers to pour tea and wash dishes. whatever else i do, whatever else i've accomplished, it doesn't matter. she doesn't love or appreciate me for that. she only loves me because i'm her daughter. when you think about it, that's a limited extent, and that's not enough to stop me from crying and to stop her from criticizing me.
after fnhs, i came home and slept. i woke up at like, 9 or something. shelbs called. we talked, i cried some more, but she calmed me some. my dad heard me crying and came in to talk to me. then my mom came home and said if i cried any longer she would leave because she knew that i hated her and that i was crying out of selfishness. she said that she could only hope that i would cry half has much at her funeral. and lots of other spiteful things, none of them true. so i begged her forgiveness, said i was so sorry for crying, and told her that i'd never cry or complain again. if you haven't noticed, i cry [and lie] a lot.
but then travis called, and said he and his friends were coming over. what? i thought. they live in richardson. but they showed up on my porch at 10 pm, travis, trung, and philip. apparently, driving out to rowlett to see me was a better alternative to staying and watching the football team lose the homecoming game. so we headed out for some sonic, then went to that public playground on 66 and played on the equipment. they hung around my house for a while before leaving. and i went to bed forgetting the other 22 hours of the day that had elapsed, feeling fine.
saturday morning began at 6 am. we ended up losing our game 2-0. we're on a losing streak.
then i came home at 11, realizing that that day was homecoming with travis, and i still had to make a hair appointment and order a boutonniere. but before i could complete my frantic phone calls, brian calls and reminds me that we have a date for tennis. so i went out and played a little tennis for an hour and came back in.
picked up the boutonniere and had my hair done. it looks crazy. got dressed, travis showed up. we left at about 6. drove down to mockingbird station where we walked around the stores for a while. then dinner at a fabulous thai place followed by gelatto. extra fun when you're all dressed up.
then we arrived at his school for the dance. berkner's homecoming wasn't very exciting. i've never been to a garland one, but i'm pretty sure that they're infinitely better than berkner's. in fact, we only stayed about 30 minutes.
luckily, trung lives near berkner. we had stopped by earlier and warned him that we wouldn't be at the dance long, so he could anticipate us again later. when we got there philip had arrived as well. so we sat around trung's house trying to figure out what we were going to do. we ended up going to main event and playing video games and laser tag. yeah, playing laser tag in a long dress isn't easy, but i had a lot of fun anyway. after we went back to trung's house and hung out for a while, i took travis home and crashed in my bed a little after 1. makeup, hair, and everything.
i feel a lot better after last night. i was going to follow this up with an angry rant about how the ib program is going down the drain, but i'm going to end this entry positively. we'll save that for tomorrow or something.