(no subject)
I'm approaching with positivity today. I'm vastly unsure of my future and what life could possibly throw at me now. If Linnea gets this job at elephants on Monday, things are going to start looking way up. I've been applying to everything lately and feel like something ought to pan out. I've been trying so hard to reconnect with Christina and Ali but they're so busy all of the time. They've always been busy, just used to make time for me. Now I know what Pringle meant years ago when she used to tell me that you make time for what you want to make time for - I've just not been exciting enough anymore. No one wants to hang out with the sober girl, I guess. Looking back, I doubt I'd want to hang out with me either. Drinking used to be such an integral part of my social scene. Now I just hang out with kids and people that have kids. Maybe I should have a kid. Probably need money for that, as it turns out. Daeryus is enough of a baby for me anyway. I'm just lonely, I haven't ever been this lonely. I've always put myself in the center of social interaction and its been incredibly strange devoting all of this time to myself. I hope I can relearn social competence. I've gone retarded in a manner of speaking. Learning how to be awesome again is kinda hard. It's really hard to reconnect with everyone without Facebook. I can't use that website without being bombarded by Rydman, his friends, his debtors, his female friends, family, etc - and I just don't want to think about him or anything associated with him. He was my poison and almost killed me. I've finally extracted all the venom so why would I go play with snakes at this juncture? I'm not as stupid as I used to be. I just walk alone now. I'd be stronger with an entourage though.