Notes from my upcoming novel..
I don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love
I twist like a corkscrew
The sweetness rising
I drink from the bottle, weeping
Why won't you last?
Why can't you last
So i will walk without care
Beat my snare
Look like a man who means business
Go to all the poshest places
With their familiar faces
Terminate all signs of weakness
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
I will take my coffee black
Never snack
Hang with the wolves who are sheepish
Flow through the veins of town
Always frown
Me and my mistress, the princess
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
So the day noah's ark floats down park
My eyes will be simply glazed over
Or better yet
I'll wear shades on sunless days
And when the sun's out, i'll stay in and slumber
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
All for the sake of a foolish love
Cause i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love
Missing someone sucks, especially when its only been so briefly that they’ve been a part of your world. But, like I said, I never do anything I don’t want to, emotionally speaking, and I never get in too deep anymore, it only leads to… well
On my way. Hoping that at leaste some of what I’m leaving behind is still there when I get back. The past few weeks have been killing me, so I’m not sure if I’m moving on, running away, or leaving at the wrong time. I’m nervous, but can’t tell if its excitement or fear.
Just going to sit back, sleep off one hell of a hangover, and wait for something to happen.
I’m in Oregon, at the only really nice bus stop between here and LA. Everything looks like this in Portland for some reason.
Not been a bad ride, all things(all other greyhound trips) considered. Shared my seats with one of those people who insist on relying their whole life’s hard luck story. She was only on for one stop, but we ended our talk on heart medication.
Only had to share a seat for about 4 of the 21 hours, so no big deal. Still hate greyhound.
Tahoe
Get to Truckee, and they guys have set the van up so that all the loose pieces, cell phones, scissors, sunglasses, picks etc are Velcro-ed to different places in the van. Its funny, but I’m impressed. I have to get my phone and all of pen pens and computer strapped down.
We get into Tahoe proper, and get in touch with this girl Lindsey (Linny), and old friend of the bands from Colorado. We meet her at her condo, and head to the store for a couple of 12 packs (which lasted about 2 hours). She’s an old girlfriend of Gabes, who did a pretty good number on him a few years back, and is now living with her boyfriend, making this a bit tense for Gabe, I can tell, but he’s handling it like a champ.
I got the impression from Isaac that the guys had a bunch of contacts in Tahoe that we could hit up about last minute show. Not so much; the first thing they ask when I get in the van is ”so, where are we going?” ummm…..
Lucky for us/me Linny knows of all of the local bars that do shows, and goes through the phone book getting me numbers. Nobody is around the first time I call(1:15?) so we hang out drinking. And I give it another go at about 3:30.
This time someone picks up and using the bait of “friends birthday party” that actually IS going on tonight, and a bit of salesmanship, the bartender talks it over with the bar owner and tells me where in, but we have to run our own sound, and they are nervous about this becoming a big event, etc.
So, we’re on, and I’m running sound I guess.
We shall see.
Ok, as per typical, things didn’t work out quite the way e thought they would. We get to the venue, which is this awesome little locals place that is, literally attached to the back of a Safeway. Pretty posh place even for that. However, the guy who runs the place hasn’t been totally forthcoming with me, and while there IS a PA like he told us, its set up for DJ’s, and we aren’t even allowed to touch it. Great.
Sooo…we call Lindsey, we scrap, and we get a loaner from this guy Paul(“DJ Paul, the short guy with the funny leg” I seriously thought they were fucking with me) who’s amazingly generous, but can’t make it to the show because hes too tired from work.
Only one mic, so, Eric will be singing alone, and by this point the snow is falling really heavy, so we set up, Lindsey starts calling people trying to get them out and we get to the drinking. Except for john, who been hit with some weird allergy, and is not doing so well. I bring him some Emergen-C while hes sitting in the trailer trying to ward off nausea and that seems to help.
By the time they start playing, its about 6 of us in the club, plus the band. Drinks have been had(I brought the bottle of Jameson in from the van and we all had a shot out of plastic cups)
But hell, its free rehearsal, so they rip into it. It was an odd scene, but I could tell that they were loving it, playing new untested, unfinished songs, talking to the people in the club, drinking more. It made me happy just to see them enjoying themselves so much. Jon seemed to pull out of whatever he had and really get into the set.
Lindsey managed to get the next day off of work and celebrated by getting so trashed that she could barely stand. Watching Seth have to baby sit her after word, Gabe told me reminded him of why being with her made him crazy in the first place.
On the way out, the van had been buried in 6+ inches of snow, and we had to push it out of the parking lot. We were all pretty drunk(Jon was driving, still too sick to partake) and wound up soaked, and throwing snowballs, and almost going off the road. When we finally did get the van out, and ran to catch up, we packed 7 of us in and cranked the music, passed the Jameson and remaining beers, managing to ignore the fact that we were still potentially going to die in the snow. Meh, lifes too short. Drink more, sing loudly, crawl over each other to change the song, yell at passing cars and marvel at how beautiful the mountains look lit up for night riding.
And sleep well. And wake up with Eric’s foot in your face.
The roads had been plowed by morning, and our drive out was much easier, albeit
Hung over, but that’s easy to ignore when all around you in peaceful white, and beautiful country side.
I was soo sick that I could barley walk back from the van to the apartment, and then dry heaved for about 20 mins. Lovely. But I got to shower, which kicked ass( A theme for this tour ”showers kick ass”)
After leaving Lindsey’s, we started our trip south, and within just a few hours, had passed from snowy Mts. To sunny hillsides over looking the pacific. God, this state can be beautiful when it wants to. I text this to Travys, and begin what will be my connection to home for the trip.
I always have this, or try to when I’m on the road; someone back home, usually with semi romantic ties that I’ll message with when I get bored or too lonely. Keeps the thought that I’ll be forgotten while I’m gone out of my head. If I can remember right, its been Seth Littlefeild, which turned into one of those unfinished business chapters of my life. I tried with Andrew, though he wasn’t interested, and I knew better anyway, but his never responding still stings. After that, in one of the weirder moments in my life Andy Thaker. (you know things are getting bad when that friend whos like a little brother starts to look like your only viable option. I love you Andy, but that was akward) I’m sure all of this is a sign of some emotional void in my life, or weakness, or something, but anything that gives me comfort, even for the time being, I’ll take.
Hell-A
The next few days were kind of a blurry mess. I think I’m just blocking some of the specifics. We headed south down the coast. We stopped at Tammi’s so Erik could get a piece (and, you know, reconcile with the love of his life that he rarely gets to see anymore). And hit the 101 south. I’ll get back to this part when I remember more. I’m too tired right now.
Coccain @ Live Jazz. In all those dreams I have about running a venue, this place is the manifestation of the most realistic version. On a good night.
On a bad night, its every THIRD show that made me smile through my pain while watching.
We speant the first part of the day
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love
I twist like a corkscrew
The sweetness rising
I drink from the bottle, weeping
Why won't you last?
Why can't you last
So i will walk without care
Beat my snare
Look like a man who means business
Go to all the poshest places
With their familiar faces
Terminate all signs of weakness
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
I will take my coffee black
Never snack
Hang with the wolves who are sheepish
Flow through the veins of town
Always frown
Me and my mistress, the princess
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
So the day noah's ark floats down park
My eyes will be simply glazed over
Or better yet
I'll wear shades on sunless days
And when the sun's out, i'll stay in and slumber
Oh, all for the sake of a foolish love
All for the sake of a foolish love
Cause i don't want to hold you and feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion
With eyes in love
Missing someone sucks, especially when its only been so briefly that they’ve been a part of your world. But, like I said, I never do anything I don’t want to, emotionally speaking, and I never get in too deep anymore, it only leads to… well
On my way. Hoping that at leaste some of what I’m leaving behind is still there when I get back. The past few weeks have been killing me, so I’m not sure if I’m moving on, running away, or leaving at the wrong time. I’m nervous, but can’t tell if its excitement or fear.
Just going to sit back, sleep off one hell of a hangover, and wait for something to happen.
I’m in Oregon, at the only really nice bus stop between here and LA. Everything looks like this in Portland for some reason.
Not been a bad ride, all things(all other greyhound trips) considered. Shared my seats with one of those people who insist on relying their whole life’s hard luck story. She was only on for one stop, but we ended our talk on heart medication.
Only had to share a seat for about 4 of the 21 hours, so no big deal. Still hate greyhound.
Tahoe
Get to Truckee, and they guys have set the van up so that all the loose pieces, cell phones, scissors, sunglasses, picks etc are Velcro-ed to different places in the van. Its funny, but I’m impressed. I have to get my phone and all of pen pens and computer strapped down.
We get into Tahoe proper, and get in touch with this girl Lindsey (Linny), and old friend of the bands from Colorado. We meet her at her condo, and head to the store for a couple of 12 packs (which lasted about 2 hours). She’s an old girlfriend of Gabes, who did a pretty good number on him a few years back, and is now living with her boyfriend, making this a bit tense for Gabe, I can tell, but he’s handling it like a champ.
I got the impression from Isaac that the guys had a bunch of contacts in Tahoe that we could hit up about last minute show. Not so much; the first thing they ask when I get in the van is ”so, where are we going?” ummm…..
Lucky for us/me Linny knows of all of the local bars that do shows, and goes through the phone book getting me numbers. Nobody is around the first time I call(1:15?) so we hang out drinking. And I give it another go at about 3:30.
This time someone picks up and using the bait of “friends birthday party” that actually IS going on tonight, and a bit of salesmanship, the bartender talks it over with the bar owner and tells me where in, but we have to run our own sound, and they are nervous about this becoming a big event, etc.
So, we’re on, and I’m running sound I guess.
We shall see.
Ok, as per typical, things didn’t work out quite the way e thought they would. We get to the venue, which is this awesome little locals place that is, literally attached to the back of a Safeway. Pretty posh place even for that. However, the guy who runs the place hasn’t been totally forthcoming with me, and while there IS a PA like he told us, its set up for DJ’s, and we aren’t even allowed to touch it. Great.
Sooo…we call Lindsey, we scrap, and we get a loaner from this guy Paul(“DJ Paul, the short guy with the funny leg” I seriously thought they were fucking with me) who’s amazingly generous, but can’t make it to the show because hes too tired from work.
Only one mic, so, Eric will be singing alone, and by this point the snow is falling really heavy, so we set up, Lindsey starts calling people trying to get them out and we get to the drinking. Except for john, who been hit with some weird allergy, and is not doing so well. I bring him some Emergen-C while hes sitting in the trailer trying to ward off nausea and that seems to help.
By the time they start playing, its about 6 of us in the club, plus the band. Drinks have been had(I brought the bottle of Jameson in from the van and we all had a shot out of plastic cups)
But hell, its free rehearsal, so they rip into it. It was an odd scene, but I could tell that they were loving it, playing new untested, unfinished songs, talking to the people in the club, drinking more. It made me happy just to see them enjoying themselves so much. Jon seemed to pull out of whatever he had and really get into the set.
Lindsey managed to get the next day off of work and celebrated by getting so trashed that she could barely stand. Watching Seth have to baby sit her after word, Gabe told me reminded him of why being with her made him crazy in the first place.
On the way out, the van had been buried in 6+ inches of snow, and we had to push it out of the parking lot. We were all pretty drunk(Jon was driving, still too sick to partake) and wound up soaked, and throwing snowballs, and almost going off the road. When we finally did get the van out, and ran to catch up, we packed 7 of us in and cranked the music, passed the Jameson and remaining beers, managing to ignore the fact that we were still potentially going to die in the snow. Meh, lifes too short. Drink more, sing loudly, crawl over each other to change the song, yell at passing cars and marvel at how beautiful the mountains look lit up for night riding.
And sleep well. And wake up with Eric’s foot in your face.
The roads had been plowed by morning, and our drive out was much easier, albeit
Hung over, but that’s easy to ignore when all around you in peaceful white, and beautiful country side.
I was soo sick that I could barley walk back from the van to the apartment, and then dry heaved for about 20 mins. Lovely. But I got to shower, which kicked ass( A theme for this tour ”showers kick ass”)
After leaving Lindsey’s, we started our trip south, and within just a few hours, had passed from snowy Mts. To sunny hillsides over looking the pacific. God, this state can be beautiful when it wants to. I text this to Travys, and begin what will be my connection to home for the trip.
I always have this, or try to when I’m on the road; someone back home, usually with semi romantic ties that I’ll message with when I get bored or too lonely. Keeps the thought that I’ll be forgotten while I’m gone out of my head. If I can remember right, its been Seth Littlefeild, which turned into one of those unfinished business chapters of my life. I tried with Andrew, though he wasn’t interested, and I knew better anyway, but his never responding still stings. After that, in one of the weirder moments in my life Andy Thaker. (you know things are getting bad when that friend whos like a little brother starts to look like your only viable option. I love you Andy, but that was akward) I’m sure all of this is a sign of some emotional void in my life, or weakness, or something, but anything that gives me comfort, even for the time being, I’ll take.
Hell-A
The next few days were kind of a blurry mess. I think I’m just blocking some of the specifics. We headed south down the coast. We stopped at Tammi’s so Erik could get a piece (and, you know, reconcile with the love of his life that he rarely gets to see anymore). And hit the 101 south. I’ll get back to this part when I remember more. I’m too tired right now.
Coccain @ Live Jazz. In all those dreams I have about running a venue, this place is the manifestation of the most realistic version. On a good night.
On a bad night, its every THIRD show that made me smile through my pain while watching.
We speant the first part of the day