YAY for WalMart trauma
Well I went to fill my Ultram rx, they said 25 min so I ran to GNC for coconut oil and olive leaf extract. (for my optical herpes). I come back, and there's still a few minutes to wait, and sometimes they tend to run later so I didn't want to keep asking about it.
I sit down to wait, decide to be nice, let a bunch of people go ahead of me (because everytime I go to get up it hurts and someone's rushing by with a cart anyways). I'm slowly becoming more and more depressed about this whole situation... and I'm wiping away tears, trying not to have a breakdown at freaking WalMart.
There's a line, and some old dude comes with an empty cart, almost sits BESIDE a chair, and we get him to position his butt right and, a minute later he slumps fwd, I ask if he's ok and he FALLS OVER, onto MY feet... not breathing, turning red. His wife is shaking him and he lets out this AWFUL sound. Half grunt, half I don't know what and I'm thinking "death rattle" and that sets me off.
I'm freaking out, full blown panic attack because 1- death has just brushed past me, and 2- now there's a huge crowd gathering. I bolt, minus meds. Call my mother to pick me up since I can't drive. I come home, take some valium, smoke some resin and try to calm down.
Jesus fucking christ. My mother said it looked like he was ok (the ambulance and her both arrived the same time) and I hope he is but my head's still replaying the scene. I'm half tempted to call one of my docs and ask for more valium so this doesn't haunt me.
This may seem stupid, or like I'm overreacting but for years I can't even go in a funeral home, nor can I visit terminally ill patients without being completely creeped out. It's like I can smell and feel death lingering. I guess it's an anxiety- induced hallucination or something. I've never told anyone but my husband about it until now.
My husband went and got my rx and the car, and brought me dinner so I could take the pill. Small buggers but maybe they'll work. I don't know if I'll be knocked out or hyper though. I'm hoping for neither, but I wouldn't mind just passing out.
You'd think with all the horror I've read and written, I'd not react like this. But there's a very distinct difference in my mind between fiction viewed at a safe distance and reality that you have to interact with.
I sit down to wait, decide to be nice, let a bunch of people go ahead of me (because everytime I go to get up it hurts and someone's rushing by with a cart anyways). I'm slowly becoming more and more depressed about this whole situation... and I'm wiping away tears, trying not to have a breakdown at freaking WalMart.
There's a line, and some old dude comes with an empty cart, almost sits BESIDE a chair, and we get him to position his butt right and, a minute later he slumps fwd, I ask if he's ok and he FALLS OVER, onto MY feet... not breathing, turning red. His wife is shaking him and he lets out this AWFUL sound. Half grunt, half I don't know what and I'm thinking "death rattle" and that sets me off.
I'm freaking out, full blown panic attack because 1- death has just brushed past me, and 2- now there's a huge crowd gathering. I bolt, minus meds. Call my mother to pick me up since I can't drive. I come home, take some valium, smoke some resin and try to calm down.
Jesus fucking christ. My mother said it looked like he was ok (the ambulance and her both arrived the same time) and I hope he is but my head's still replaying the scene. I'm half tempted to call one of my docs and ask for more valium so this doesn't haunt me.
This may seem stupid, or like I'm overreacting but for years I can't even go in a funeral home, nor can I visit terminally ill patients without being completely creeped out. It's like I can smell and feel death lingering. I guess it's an anxiety- induced hallucination or something. I've never told anyone but my husband about it until now.
My husband went and got my rx and the car, and brought me dinner so I could take the pill. Small buggers but maybe they'll work. I don't know if I'll be knocked out or hyper though. I'm hoping for neither, but I wouldn't mind just passing out.
You'd think with all the horror I've read and written, I'd not react like this. But there's a very distinct difference in my mind between fiction viewed at a safe distance and reality that you have to interact with.