OH GOD
IT IS ONE IN THE MORNING. WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE WONDERING? BECAUSE I LIVE IN A FUCKING JUNGLE WHERE GIANT CREEPY CRAWLIES ALSO HAPPEN TO LIVE AND NORMALLY I AM OKAY WITH THIS BUT NOT WHEN THEY INVADE MY FUCKING BED.
A CENTIPEDE, YOU GUYS. IN MY FUCKING BED.
IT DROPPED FROM THE CEILING LIKE ETHAN MOTHERFUCKING HUNT AND LANDED ON MY BACK, WAKING ME FROM SWEET SLUMBER AND OMG CENTIPEDE ON MY BACK OMFG. CUE FLAILING AND SCREECHING AND THEN CENTIPEDE IN MY BED SOFT-SHOEING IT'S WAY DOWN UNDER THE DUVET.
NO, CENTIPEDE, NO. IT IS FUCKING CHRISTMAS AND WHILE I UNDERSTAND YOU MAY HAVE ASKED SANTA FOR A FUCKING WARM SPOT TO SLEEP AND SWEET FLESH TO STING: THIS IS NOT IT. IN FACT, SANTA IS A LIE. GO AWAY.
BRB GOING TO ATTEMPT TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR THE NEXT BILLION YEARS.
IN MY BED.
A CENTIPEDE, YOU GUYS. IN MY FUCKING BED.
IT DROPPED FROM THE CEILING LIKE ETHAN MOTHERFUCKING HUNT AND LANDED ON MY BACK, WAKING ME FROM SWEET SLUMBER AND OMG CENTIPEDE ON MY BACK OMFG. CUE FLAILING AND SCREECHING AND THEN CENTIPEDE IN MY BED SOFT-SHOEING IT'S WAY DOWN UNDER THE DUVET.
NO, CENTIPEDE, NO. IT IS FUCKING CHRISTMAS AND WHILE I UNDERSTAND YOU MAY HAVE ASKED SANTA FOR A FUCKING WARM SPOT TO SLEEP AND SWEET FLESH TO STING: THIS IS NOT IT. IN FACT, SANTA IS A LIE. GO AWAY.
BRB GOING TO ATTEMPT TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR THE NEXT BILLION YEARS.
IN MY BED.