Recently
Wow it has been a while. Well everything for the most part has died down. Thank God. While one that subject, I've been getting more involved in the church. I've started running again too. My life is starting to get more independent. I am never home...which isnt anything different but it seems like it is. I think it is because Vicki isnt here anymore. I am alone :(. It makes me sad. They all get to come home to each other and i dont have anyone i "grew up with" here. Adults dont count. I forgot Vicki's Birthday. Not diliberately. I have just been trying to have fun and try to keep myself busy so i wont think about everything. Like i was told by someone...it is when i am alone is when i start to freak out.
Everything is so different. I am glad i have someone along for the ride with me because i dont know what i would do if i was alone.
You want to know whats sad? The feeling in my stomach...when he walks into the room...isnt there anymore. As much as i want him...i feel like that will never happen. Either me or him will not permit it. I dont know why. It kinda hurts that something could have happened but never did. The other night I was thinking and i came to the conclusion that if we did start a month ago when he wanted to...i dont think we would have lasted this long. Dont ask why. Thats just what i decided.
My grades are dropping. I have less than a 4.0. It shocked me when i found out. Stats is bringing it down and there is actually nothing i can do about it. I know the material but i dont know how to play her game. It is making me get a C in her class. Whore.
One Act is going on. It is wierd that i am not involved. This is the first time in 4 years. It is easy to fall out of the cycle of things. It doesnt matter if you care or not...if the mass amount of people dont want you, you will be excommunicated. It is that simple. I have no power anymore. Nothing is the same.
I have never been so ready to graduate. Everything will be better when that happeneds...and worse at the same time. Everyone is staying so it might be the same. But i doubt it.
Everything is so different. I am glad i have someone along for the ride with me because i dont know what i would do if i was alone.
You want to know whats sad? The feeling in my stomach...when he walks into the room...isnt there anymore. As much as i want him...i feel like that will never happen. Either me or him will not permit it. I dont know why. It kinda hurts that something could have happened but never did. The other night I was thinking and i came to the conclusion that if we did start a month ago when he wanted to...i dont think we would have lasted this long. Dont ask why. Thats just what i decided.
My grades are dropping. I have less than a 4.0. It shocked me when i found out. Stats is bringing it down and there is actually nothing i can do about it. I know the material but i dont know how to play her game. It is making me get a C in her class. Whore.
One Act is going on. It is wierd that i am not involved. This is the first time in 4 years. It is easy to fall out of the cycle of things. It doesnt matter if you care or not...if the mass amount of people dont want you, you will be excommunicated. It is that simple. I have no power anymore. Nothing is the same.
I have never been so ready to graduate. Everything will be better when that happeneds...and worse at the same time. Everyone is staying so it might be the same. But i doubt it.