"Constructively introspective" - I like that! That fits more with the mental state I was in when my mom made me go to a psychologist because "You're depressed!" No, I was just taking some time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life after flunking out of college and having to return to my parents' house! Obviously I wasn't meant to be a mechanical engineer, and I didn't want to go back to college or start a job until I had a better idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Kind of wish I could spend a year doing that now, but I don't think my mom would let me move in with her now even if I wanted to. Such is the luxury of being 19...
Funny that you did a tarot read. I was thinking of doing that myself last night, but after sorting through clothes, changing my outfit 3-4 times til I found the one that "felt right," and coming up with new clothing and other stuff ideas, and finally collapsing and lying quietly for a bit, I figured out what I need to do on my own. I need to be doing some sort of creative work, preferably freelance or my own business, instead of any kind of corporate drudgery! But no attempts at finding creativity through cooking by working for a restaurant. That's what I tried when I was 19, but unless you're the owner or head cook, you only get to make what they tell you to, how they tell you to make it, unless it's your own lunch.
Yeah, if you're not the boss, you're the slave-no chance for creativity there! Recently I've been allowing way too much of the depressive tendencies to have the floor-my brain's been going around in ever decreasing circles and I've been getting steadily angrier at the world and at myself. There is a lot going on which is stress worthy but there's also an element of 'oh fuck it's October what's going to happen this time'. So attempting to be constructive in my self critical states and to step up the moment with all the work still needing doing.
I don't often read for myself-I'm lucky enough to have friends I can share tarot readings with but I really needed to see that it's been my brain stressing me out and not anything major on the horizon. I have been designing a large number of my own tarot spreads-currently working on a few for Samhain.
Funny that you did a tarot read. I was thinking of doing that myself last night, but after sorting through clothes, changing my outfit 3-4 times til I found the one that "felt right," and coming up with new clothing and other stuff ideas, and finally collapsing and lying quietly for a bit, I figured out what I need to do on my own. I need to be doing some sort of creative work, preferably freelance or my own business, instead of any kind of corporate drudgery! But no attempts at finding creativity through cooking by working for a restaurant. That's what I tried when I was 19, but unless you're the owner or head cook, you only get to make what they tell you to, how they tell you to make it, unless it's your own lunch.
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Recently I've been allowing way too much of the depressive tendencies to have the floor-my brain's been going around in ever decreasing circles and I've been getting steadily angrier at the world and at myself. There is a lot going on which is stress worthy but there's also an element of 'oh fuck it's October what's going to happen this time'. So attempting to be constructive in my self critical states and to step up the moment with all the work still needing doing.
I don't often read for myself-I'm lucky enough to have friends I can share tarot readings with but I really needed to see that it's been my brain stressing me out and not anything major on the horizon. I have been designing a large number of my own tarot spreads-currently working on a few for Samhain.
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