(no subject)
What's been up with me? I finished school but not well. I'm quite ashamed and depressed. My attendance was sub-par the last 2 weeks when my depression got more severe. Then I basically turned into a hermit with depression. The problem was that it wasn't severe enough for me to catch it right off.
The upswing is that I made some decisions and an action plan and asked for help. I told Jeffrey the things I needed beyond the call of boyfriend duty. We wrote them down and went back over them. I made an appointment and my mom's going to help me with my copay and we don't have to tell dad. Last night I applied for for or so jobs in a row and already felt better! Like it noticeably translated into my love relationship w/ J (nothing sordid) but more of a willingness to accept his advances as a personal compliment. Hopefully that's a mainstay. One thing I've got to work on this time around (this burst of motivation will stay, especially once I get switched to a practice that also has a Psychiatrist... I'm going to one with a Psychologist which I don't have the highest hopes for but is closest to my house to at least achieve going. I'm not going to cancel that appointment because what I need now is to DO and ACHIEVE.) ... ANYWAY! what I'm doing now is focusing on following up with prospective employers. I'd always make up excuses or have another episode or not have nicer, clean clothes... some excuse before right after I caught my 'motivational wind'.
Anyway... on the 'doing' front I didn't get to celebrate Barb's birthday tonight as planned. Apparently it's rescheduled to this coming weekend. The end negotiations were held between Barb and J because my nap turned into 5:00p-10:00p affair. I did good on waiting to sleep. I changesd my sleep from during the sunlight hours to the evening at least. That's progress in goal 1: fix sleep schedule. I'll try to take a nap closer to the morning and maybe that'll help seal the deal on preventing later-in-the-day tiredness. We'll also have to test my willpower on resisting GTA sessions.
Aight... well that wasn't ment to be a vomit of negativity in journal form... haha. It didn't feel that way, but that's how it looks.
L8TA!!
The upswing is that I made some decisions and an action plan and asked for help. I told Jeffrey the things I needed beyond the call of boyfriend duty. We wrote them down and went back over them. I made an appointment and my mom's going to help me with my copay and we don't have to tell dad. Last night I applied for for or so jobs in a row and already felt better! Like it noticeably translated into my love relationship w/ J (nothing sordid) but more of a willingness to accept his advances as a personal compliment. Hopefully that's a mainstay. One thing I've got to work on this time around (this burst of motivation will stay, especially once I get switched to a practice that also has a Psychiatrist... I'm going to one with a Psychologist which I don't have the highest hopes for but is closest to my house to at least achieve going. I'm not going to cancel that appointment because what I need now is to DO and ACHIEVE.) ... ANYWAY! what I'm doing now is focusing on following up with prospective employers. I'd always make up excuses or have another episode or not have nicer, clean clothes... some excuse before right after I caught my 'motivational wind'.
Anyway... on the 'doing' front I didn't get to celebrate Barb's birthday tonight as planned. Apparently it's rescheduled to this coming weekend. The end negotiations were held between Barb and J because my nap turned into 5:00p-10:00p affair. I did good on waiting to sleep. I changesd my sleep from during the sunlight hours to the evening at least. That's progress in goal 1: fix sleep schedule. I'll try to take a nap closer to the morning and maybe that'll help seal the deal on preventing later-in-the-day tiredness. We'll also have to test my willpower on resisting GTA sessions.
Aight... well that wasn't ment to be a vomit of negativity in journal form... haha. It didn't feel that way, but that's how it looks.
L8TA!!