(no subject)
Oh what's new in my life...
Feeling a lot of guilt this semester, I am trying not to let it bother me and to use it constructively...but I feel guilty about the way that I have spent a lot of my time in college. I wish that I took more out of classes as a Freshmen and Sophmore. I am trying now to actually do my reading and not just try to get by in my classes, I feel like shit for wasting my opportunity here in a lot of my classes in the past where I didn't do the reading and stuff like that. I feel like there are lot of things I didn't take advantage of.
My humanistic Psychology class is amazing, it's really effecting me and also making me spew hippy dippy holistic blabla rhetoric all the time haha.
Um..Kyle has been great I've been with him for a year basicaly and that scares me. It scares me how much time I spend with him I feel like I need to work on my life outside of being with him because I would never want my relationship with him to impact other relationships....
I think about the Summer, I think about the future... I can't live at home. It's like a block I have. I see the situation my brother is in right now and I selfishly loathe it and just think about how bad I don't want to be there. I know that I need to save money to do anything. I made a meeting to talk about internships for the summer, see if I can find one that has room and board so I don't have to be home...and it's not personal to anyone I just feel horribly stifled at home and I feel bad about myself and I love Ridgewood friends but I can't deal with living in Ridgewood at this point in my life it's disharmony.
I'm going camping over Spring Break with like dana and Randy and Kyle and maybe others...I'm really excited about it, I haven't hardcore camped like that ever before I don't really want to mention that to them because I feel like maybe I won't be able to hack it haha..I am pretty outofshape immobilie state like...need to exercise and train for this excursion haha..so I had this productive idea to go to the lake everyday with some garbage bags and do a little exercising while productively cleaning up this area...Hopefully I will keep up with that.
I don't know what I want in the future but I know that I am getting a firmer grasp on priorities. I used to think really selfishly. Now I see that the future is going to be a painful but wonderful balance between doing what you want to do, doing what you need to do, and balancing that with doing what all the peole you love want you to do. whatever,
I just need to travel that's all i Know.
I miss Adrienne. We used to be really close friends but now it's like her always balancing between me and her 32 year old boyfriend who she has given up on trying to make us get a long which hurts.
Something that I have begun to understand more recently in a painful way is the differences between girls relationships with each other and boys relationsihps with each other. It SUCKS how catty girls can be and with guys sometimes it's just like a lot more showing of the love and shit and they give each other constructive shit about what's wrong with each other instead of being like girls and talking about each behind each others backs. It's so sad, so Reviving Ophelia.
Dayum I wrote a lot. for you emleee
Feeling a lot of guilt this semester, I am trying not to let it bother me and to use it constructively...but I feel guilty about the way that I have spent a lot of my time in college. I wish that I took more out of classes as a Freshmen and Sophmore. I am trying now to actually do my reading and not just try to get by in my classes, I feel like shit for wasting my opportunity here in a lot of my classes in the past where I didn't do the reading and stuff like that. I feel like there are lot of things I didn't take advantage of.
My humanistic Psychology class is amazing, it's really effecting me and also making me spew hippy dippy holistic blabla rhetoric all the time haha.
Um..Kyle has been great I've been with him for a year basicaly and that scares me. It scares me how much time I spend with him I feel like I need to work on my life outside of being with him because I would never want my relationship with him to impact other relationships....
I think about the Summer, I think about the future... I can't live at home. It's like a block I have. I see the situation my brother is in right now and I selfishly loathe it and just think about how bad I don't want to be there. I know that I need to save money to do anything. I made a meeting to talk about internships for the summer, see if I can find one that has room and board so I don't have to be home...and it's not personal to anyone I just feel horribly stifled at home and I feel bad about myself and I love Ridgewood friends but I can't deal with living in Ridgewood at this point in my life it's disharmony.
I'm going camping over Spring Break with like dana and Randy and Kyle and maybe others...I'm really excited about it, I haven't hardcore camped like that ever before I don't really want to mention that to them because I feel like maybe I won't be able to hack it haha..I am pretty outofshape immobilie state like...need to exercise and train for this excursion haha..so I had this productive idea to go to the lake everyday with some garbage bags and do a little exercising while productively cleaning up this area...Hopefully I will keep up with that.
I don't know what I want in the future but I know that I am getting a firmer grasp on priorities. I used to think really selfishly. Now I see that the future is going to be a painful but wonderful balance between doing what you want to do, doing what you need to do, and balancing that with doing what all the peole you love want you to do. whatever,
I just need to travel that's all i Know.
I miss Adrienne. We used to be really close friends but now it's like her always balancing between me and her 32 year old boyfriend who she has given up on trying to make us get a long which hurts.
Something that I have begun to understand more recently in a painful way is the differences between girls relationships with each other and boys relationsihps with each other. It SUCKS how catty girls can be and with guys sometimes it's just like a lot more showing of the love and shit and they give each other constructive shit about what's wrong with each other instead of being like girls and talking about each behind each others backs. It's so sad, so Reviving Ophelia.
Dayum I wrote a lot. for you emleee