(no subject)
You think you own whatever land you land on. The earth is just a dead thing you can claim. But I know every rock and tree and river has a life, has a story has a name. You think the only people who are people are the people who look and think like you. But if you walk the foosteps of a stranger, you'll see things you never knew you never knew.
I love Disney. The above is one of my favorite childhood songs of all time. I'm in a strange mood today. Thanks for calling me, Nancy! I..was quite glad. =) The image of you and your friend sitting in Central Park (or some other tree-laden eden) talking on cell phones on a sunny New York day was just...I don't know. Infinitely better than the gloom I've felt all day. So I appreciate it.
Am I over the top? haha I ask a lot of my friends and acquaintances what they perceive to be strange, and often rhetorical, questions. Or, they're questions they would never want to (though they think they don't know how to) answer. I annoy a lot of people. But I also give love where I think it is due. An dsometimes where it is due is not wholly the same thing as where it is deserved. But everyone deserves love, right? I suppose. But the way karma and life works, not from everyone. Not me. Each person has their own people to love and be loved in return. I can't handle them all. Or I don't want to. Right now I don't want to. I just want to focus on the few that have really been good to me. I want to make sure I can return the favor, do as much good for them and their lives and their happiness. But I know that's wrong. I know (the goal is) to give love everywhere I see it lacking. I feel bad that there are those I can't help...and so I just say, give it up. Wait. Let others help them because you simply don't know how yet.
But how long does anything last? The most secure of friendships...I find myself distrusting, finding flaws in, even...destroying, oftentimes, for fear of having it destroyed by some other 3rd party. It's almost as if I'd rather destroy it myself and be able to say that than have it risk...being destroyed in the future by some other force, unknown or not. It's as if I'd rather not have love at all than risk having what I have now. Paradoxical and foolish it is...I'm a foolish person, when you come right down to it.
I received...my letter of recommendation from Professor Adelman yesterday. I...haven't had time yet to reply to her email because I don't know what to say...to convey the proper...gratitude. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't floored by what she wrote...I've never read what anyoen else thinks of me, so directly and so purposefully, as in a letter of recommendation before. I mean, I never read any of the high school ones. I never have..my friends or parents write to me directly with the purpose of telling me what they think of me. The closest thing would be yearbook entries. And even then, it's addressed to ME, to "you" in the 2nd person. It's a whole other feeling reading what someone wrote...about me...addressed to a third person. I have to say it's one of the most uniquely fulfilling and at the same time, perspective-giving and HUMBLING experiences I have gone through recently. What she had to say was so...intelligent, factual, and favorable...I can't even use the words "complimentary" or "kind" to describe it because those words smack too much of false flattery and fancy pufferr...but...yes, seriously, it's the most amazing feeling reading someone describe me in such a ...like, she has NO REASON to write good things about me, you know what I mean? There was no...hint of...any desire to really promote me beyond anything I was. there was nothing in her tone that gave away any need to make me sound better than i am. and...yet...even then, it was so, kind of her. such a sign of recognition and acknowledgment from a source that i would never have otherwise been able to get from any other, place, source. aah i know what i'm trying to say...umm, i think i'm saying...this was a rare gift that could only have come from one place and that made it that much more special (to me), because it came from a place where i couldn't even have ever in a million years "forced" or "had control over" its creation.
Except I guess I did. By being her student. And that's kind of powerful and amazing.
Sometimes, when your world is down, some people just remind you why you're still here, because quite obviously it's not always down. And it's just about learning to keep a semblance of pride and self-respect and carrying that inside at all times. I am proud of who I am. Prof. Adelman is proud of who I am. I THINK my parents are proud of who I am. And I have a few friends who are proud of who I am. Though I know (and some of those friends) know and want..me to be more. But at least they're proud =') right now. Thank you
I love Disney. The above is one of my favorite childhood songs of all time. I'm in a strange mood today. Thanks for calling me, Nancy! I..was quite glad. =) The image of you and your friend sitting in Central Park (or some other tree-laden eden) talking on cell phones on a sunny New York day was just...I don't know. Infinitely better than the gloom I've felt all day. So I appreciate it.
Am I over the top? haha I ask a lot of my friends and acquaintances what they perceive to be strange, and often rhetorical, questions. Or, they're questions they would never want to (though they think they don't know how to) answer. I annoy a lot of people. But I also give love where I think it is due. An dsometimes where it is due is not wholly the same thing as where it is deserved. But everyone deserves love, right? I suppose. But the way karma and life works, not from everyone. Not me. Each person has their own people to love and be loved in return. I can't handle them all. Or I don't want to. Right now I don't want to. I just want to focus on the few that have really been good to me. I want to make sure I can return the favor, do as much good for them and their lives and their happiness. But I know that's wrong. I know (the goal is) to give love everywhere I see it lacking. I feel bad that there are those I can't help...and so I just say, give it up. Wait. Let others help them because you simply don't know how yet.
But how long does anything last? The most secure of friendships...I find myself distrusting, finding flaws in, even...destroying, oftentimes, for fear of having it destroyed by some other 3rd party. It's almost as if I'd rather destroy it myself and be able to say that than have it risk...being destroyed in the future by some other force, unknown or not. It's as if I'd rather not have love at all than risk having what I have now. Paradoxical and foolish it is...I'm a foolish person, when you come right down to it.
I received...my letter of recommendation from Professor Adelman yesterday. I...haven't had time yet to reply to her email because I don't know what to say...to convey the proper...gratitude. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't floored by what she wrote...I've never read what anyoen else thinks of me, so directly and so purposefully, as in a letter of recommendation before. I mean, I never read any of the high school ones. I never have..my friends or parents write to me directly with the purpose of telling me what they think of me. The closest thing would be yearbook entries. And even then, it's addressed to ME, to "you" in the 2nd person. It's a whole other feeling reading what someone wrote...about me...addressed to a third person. I have to say it's one of the most uniquely fulfilling and at the same time, perspective-giving and HUMBLING experiences I have gone through recently. What she had to say was so...intelligent, factual, and favorable...I can't even use the words "complimentary" or "kind" to describe it because those words smack too much of false flattery and fancy pufferr...but...yes, seriously, it's the most amazing feeling reading someone describe me in such a ...like, she has NO REASON to write good things about me, you know what I mean? There was no...hint of...any desire to really promote me beyond anything I was. there was nothing in her tone that gave away any need to make me sound better than i am. and...yet...even then, it was so, kind of her. such a sign of recognition and acknowledgment from a source that i would never have otherwise been able to get from any other, place, source. aah i know what i'm trying to say...umm, i think i'm saying...this was a rare gift that could only have come from one place and that made it that much more special (to me), because it came from a place where i couldn't even have ever in a million years "forced" or "had control over" its creation.
Except I guess I did. By being her student. And that's kind of powerful and amazing.
Sometimes, when your world is down, some people just remind you why you're still here, because quite obviously it's not always down. And it's just about learning to keep a semblance of pride and self-respect and carrying that inside at all times. I am proud of who I am. Prof. Adelman is proud of who I am. I THINK my parents are proud of who I am. And I have a few friends who are proud of who I am. Though I know (and some of those friends) know and want..me to be more. But at least they're proud =') right now. Thank you