memories choose weird times to flood back.
finally went back. decided fences wouldn't keep me out. i'd just hoped my words wouldnt ring true.
they did. for once i was hoping i was wrong and i wasn't/ it never works that way. why now? why this? that last little bit of my innocence stripped away. then again. some of it was given back. a place that used to be only a playground was so much more.
walked along the rocks for a bit. tiny yellow flowers everywhere. they always bloom around this time of year. there were more this time though. normally only a few scattered but this time it was almost a carpet in places.
there was a little girl down by the water. fishing with her dad. they seemed so content. perfection in simplicity. i miss my dad.
simplicity. drawn to that damn flower again. made me feel like a little kid, running around picking them. walked back down to the waters edge to find something string-like. found exactly that. tied them off and debated. what do i do with it now? had a weird thought. dont know why but i wanted whoever lived in my spot to have something of mine. it was so final yet far from harsh. in my mind it was right. probably meant nothing to him but it doesnt matter. in my mind i gave him that place. i'd held it as my own for so many years... symbolic to me. i dont even know if he got them. they might just lay there and wilt alone. then again they may make him smile like they used to when i was little. i hope so. living on a scrap of carpet surrounded by tarps with a rotting couch cushion as a bed under a bridge can't be easy. i'll just keep my delusions. they make me happy.
they did. for once i was hoping i was wrong and i wasn't/ it never works that way. why now? why this? that last little bit of my innocence stripped away. then again. some of it was given back. a place that used to be only a playground was so much more.
walked along the rocks for a bit. tiny yellow flowers everywhere. they always bloom around this time of year. there were more this time though. normally only a few scattered but this time it was almost a carpet in places.
there was a little girl down by the water. fishing with her dad. they seemed so content. perfection in simplicity. i miss my dad.
simplicity. drawn to that damn flower again. made me feel like a little kid, running around picking them. walked back down to the waters edge to find something string-like. found exactly that. tied them off and debated. what do i do with it now? had a weird thought. dont know why but i wanted whoever lived in my spot to have something of mine. it was so final yet far from harsh. in my mind it was right. probably meant nothing to him but it doesnt matter. in my mind i gave him that place. i'd held it as my own for so many years... symbolic to me. i dont even know if he got them. they might just lay there and wilt alone. then again they may make him smile like they used to when i was little. i hope so. living on a scrap of carpet surrounded by tarps with a rotting couch cushion as a bed under a bridge can't be easy. i'll just keep my delusions. they make me happy.