So tired
So I dont' know if it's that there has been so much going on and i'm worn out ffrom that or if it's because tomorrow's friday and I'm just getting fed up and ready for the weekend or if it's because I had to see the stupid doctor today but i'm a bit crabby.. here's the deal...
i'm tired of dealing with the ex situation.. i try not to think about it.. i try not to let it ruin my moods.. i try not to let it occupy my thoughts.. it doesn't always work.. especially when everything has to be planned because of the extreme lack of time... i live here so i don't get planned time.. i just get the well this is when i have planned not to spend with you.. it'd be better if it was this is when i have plans with others and this is when i want to plan to do something so it't not just a because you're here i spend time with you.. i feel so needy today..
today would have been my dad's 57th birthday.. it doesn't bother me as much as it used to .. but that could also be part of my crabbiness
anyway.. i hate that i was invited a long time ago to this party tomorrow.. then the ex started talking shit about me and set her mind on going.. then my bfb didn't know.. then she's for sure going.. then i'm pretty much not allowed to go because of the drama that it would cause from me being there... i am the least drama person ever.. but because of all the shit that was talked and because of the problems that her ex has i shouldn't even consider myself invited anymore... i'm not mad at anyone inparticular.. i'm mad at the situation.. i'm not just upset about it.. i'm mad about it.. i think i have right to be.. i don't get my time with my best friend anymore.. its just her time and i'm a tag a long... this may not be true but i'm upset right now and it's how it makes me feel when im upset.. i don't always feel this way.. i feel it when i'm mad... it's the assumptions i jump to .. i just feel like i'm just around for whatever and when i'm not then whatever.. i'm mad that she created this situation.. i'm mad that on pride weekend at a party that i was invited to because of the shit that she pulled i am uninvited and basically begged not to go... there is excitement about spending time with her.. and it's tiredness to spend time with me.. i just want to get away from it all for awhile.. but when i feel like this i don't feel like i'd be missed.. times like this i just feel like i should start looking for a studio apartment and i'd keep friends longer that way.. i have a badass apartment tho and i'm not moving for a year and a half... i hate feeling like this.. i hate that my bfb is just waiting for the lease to be up so that she can move closer to her job and her girl.. ahh.. i'm going to drive myself crazy with these thoughts.. that's why i needed to get them out tho.. they are so irrational.. they are so ahh.. but i had to get it out.. i'm just so angry.. so fucking angry..
i'm tired of dealing with the ex situation.. i try not to think about it.. i try not to let it ruin my moods.. i try not to let it occupy my thoughts.. it doesn't always work.. especially when everything has to be planned because of the extreme lack of time... i live here so i don't get planned time.. i just get the well this is when i have planned not to spend with you.. it'd be better if it was this is when i have plans with others and this is when i want to plan to do something so it't not just a because you're here i spend time with you.. i feel so needy today..
today would have been my dad's 57th birthday.. it doesn't bother me as much as it used to .. but that could also be part of my crabbiness
anyway.. i hate that i was invited a long time ago to this party tomorrow.. then the ex started talking shit about me and set her mind on going.. then my bfb didn't know.. then she's for sure going.. then i'm pretty much not allowed to go because of the drama that it would cause from me being there... i am the least drama person ever.. but because of all the shit that was talked and because of the problems that her ex has i shouldn't even consider myself invited anymore... i'm not mad at anyone inparticular.. i'm mad at the situation.. i'm not just upset about it.. i'm mad about it.. i think i have right to be.. i don't get my time with my best friend anymore.. its just her time and i'm a tag a long... this may not be true but i'm upset right now and it's how it makes me feel when im upset.. i don't always feel this way.. i feel it when i'm mad... it's the assumptions i jump to .. i just feel like i'm just around for whatever and when i'm not then whatever.. i'm mad that she created this situation.. i'm mad that on pride weekend at a party that i was invited to because of the shit that she pulled i am uninvited and basically begged not to go... there is excitement about spending time with her.. and it's tiredness to spend time with me.. i just want to get away from it all for awhile.. but when i feel like this i don't feel like i'd be missed.. times like this i just feel like i should start looking for a studio apartment and i'd keep friends longer that way.. i have a badass apartment tho and i'm not moving for a year and a half... i hate feeling like this.. i hate that my bfb is just waiting for the lease to be up so that she can move closer to her job and her girl.. ahh.. i'm going to drive myself crazy with these thoughts.. that's why i needed to get them out tho.. they are so irrational.. they are so ahh.. but i had to get it out.. i'm just so angry.. so fucking angry..