It's a shame the way you treat me like a fool.
So....For those left that read this be fair warned this maybe allot for some of you to take in. It is how i'm feeling though. It's tough because I feel like there are certain people. Mainly my own blood family.I just can't talk about this to. I fear they just won't understand. Allot of my close friends know i'm depressed. But they don't know that this year I've been pushed past my limit. In my past was so much better off in my life financially and mentally. My last rejection through me over the edge. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop to make it a complete set. This time i'm having a hard time even drawing. I search out no one. I fear anyone even being interested in me. I don't want to be dragged through this shit again. I don't want to place trust. And have someone get to know who I really am. It's not ok. I don't give a shit how "normal" it is for me to feel like this right now. Knowing that doesn't help. I am feeling...like if certain things don't change in my life. By age thirty four I don't want to be around anymore. I have been making plans to shuffle off this plan. Things just keep getting worse and I can't see through it. Why stay? To keep being that eccentric weirdo artiest loner. I'm done with that. If i'm not good enough for anyone then i'm set. I'm certainly not getting more beautiful with age. With no one at my side what's the point? When my close friend Norm killed himself I never resented him for it. I understood. I miss him so much. I do know I was apart of his better years. I have been writing out apologies and will like statements on and off now for months.Sometimes I feel even compelled to. I'm not happy. And theres nothing to fix it.