Short Skirts, Dancing, & Tears
Today I spend the whole trying to get down to the club. Venom (Davey) was going to be there and I know if i didnt go i wouldnt have been ableto see him for other week. Well 2 hours before the club started Meggan and I managed to get $47 dollars and a ride there and home. I was so excited to see Davey because I miss him to death and lately he'd had been acting strange. Like each day he's falling more and more out of love with me. This week alone I've sat in my room crying over the thought that he was just to leave me. When i walked in and seen him. The only thing i could do was run up and throw my arms around his neck and lock my lips to his. It was the most incredible feelingin the world. The night went on not so bad. I stand close to him because I didnt even know when was the next tiem I was going to see him and being affection it and all the jazz. I was talking to him about how i felt ovder the past week on the the way he'd been treating me. He said he's been an asshole to everyone lately. But at the same time I keep reminding him I'm not everyone. I'm nto his friend, I'm not his band mate, I'm not some 15 year old girl in the club trying find a makeup buddy for the night. I'm his girlfriend, and not just another "girlfriend club kid". Its the real deal. I talk about having kids, getting married, and us being together ever until I fucking Die. This isnt some kinda just one month relationship. I told him from the begining I want the real deal, i want the whole package.
So the night went on and we spent time talking. he mentions that the other girls in the club are scared of me, including his own friends. He's that are chicks dont want to talk to him because of me. He said "i give them dirty looks" which I have no idea what the fuck their talking about because I dont care if his friends guy or girl comes up talks to him. Than I askd "what do you want me to do?" he said "Well they dont talk to me because it use to be ME. Now It's Me and YOU. its not just ME anymore. Right there the only thought that would run through my mind was "You fucking knew it was going to be me and you now! How couldnt you see that when we first met and were talking! Why the fuck are you with me! If you dont want the relationship "ME AND YOU"! Than what the fuck is a relationship! YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS WERE THE ONES TELLING US TO GET TOGETHER SAY I SHOULD LEAVE GARRETT AND BE WITH YOU!! SO THAT THERE WOULD BE A ME AND YOU!" None of these words left my lips at all that night i held it in and tried my hardest not to cry. Just than rich walked up and started talking to Dave so I got up and walked over to were i lyed my purse and what not in the corner and sat down alone. I sat there and smoked a ciggarette not knowing what the say or do. A few people came up and asked me if I was okay. I just smiled slightly and said "i'm Fine." my code word for "i'm not okay." but only Jay Morrision knew that. Oliver walked up to me and said "you okay hunny?" just than I couldnt help but let one tear fall from my right eye. I dont think he noticed because i was in a dark corner and he said "I'm going to head home if you need me or just cal me tonight because my internet will be down." After he had left I got up thinknig about going and talking to Dave but I looked over at him and there he was talking with Rich and Tara and think her new is. So walked away. It fucking hurt to have to walk away from boyfriend that i want to talk to because he's friends were tlaknig to him. But I didnt anyway. I grabbed my purse and watched into the 80's room. my favorite song "If you leave was on" so i started dancing by myself and noticed a Sid Vicious look alike with a "The Clash" shirt staring at my from the room. He slowly made his way through the crowd and up to me. But just when I said "i like your shirt and and intrduced myself... "Melanie Murder" .. he laughed and said "should I be scared. i smiled and said "no" he said his name was john. and just than I noticed them closing the door of the 80s room which meant i was gonig to be stuck out there for hte rest of the night if i didnt go. So I said "OH SHIT IHAVE TO GO!" I grabbed my purse and ran out the door. Because honestly I didnt give to fucks to know who he was. I was way to upset and not down with dancing to Micheal Jackson. So i came walking back to the room I left Dave in and sat down I said "I cant find Meg" just than Meg walked up and I asked her for a smoke and she said "Over there in my purse." I got up and walked over and sat down to find a smking in her purse of endless shit and I noticed Dave come up and sit next to me. I wasnt sure what to say. And I dont remember If I did say anything. All I can remeber is fighting not to break down in tears and cry. Only a few manganged to past my eyelids. Dave didnt say anything he didnt even look at me. Meg came up and said "are you okay mel?" just than i couldnt help but to break. and i turnned my face away and started crying my eyes out. I think I did tell Dave that... " The only time I see you now is in the club and now you dont want me here either. what the fuck do you want me to do?"
So now I have to spilt the only time with my boyfriend with him and his friends because he doesnt want the me and you. Dave always made me believe that Garrett leaving me wasnt my fault. I think is was. Because not he's pushing me away too just like Garrett did. So I do think its my fault I just cant figure out what the fuck it is...
"I Wont Be Sleeping Tonight"
So the night went on and we spent time talking. he mentions that the other girls in the club are scared of me, including his own friends. He's that are chicks dont want to talk to him because of me. He said "i give them dirty looks" which I have no idea what the fuck their talking about because I dont care if his friends guy or girl comes up talks to him. Than I askd "what do you want me to do?" he said "Well they dont talk to me because it use to be ME. Now It's Me and YOU. its not just ME anymore. Right there the only thought that would run through my mind was "You fucking knew it was going to be me and you now! How couldnt you see that when we first met and were talking! Why the fuck are you with me! If you dont want the relationship "ME AND YOU"! Than what the fuck is a relationship! YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS WERE THE ONES TELLING US TO GET TOGETHER SAY I SHOULD LEAVE GARRETT AND BE WITH YOU!! SO THAT THERE WOULD BE A ME AND YOU!" None of these words left my lips at all that night i held it in and tried my hardest not to cry. Just than rich walked up and started talking to Dave so I got up and walked over to were i lyed my purse and what not in the corner and sat down alone. I sat there and smoked a ciggarette not knowing what the say or do. A few people came up and asked me if I was okay. I just smiled slightly and said "i'm Fine." my code word for "i'm not okay." but only Jay Morrision knew that. Oliver walked up to me and said "you okay hunny?" just than I couldnt help but let one tear fall from my right eye. I dont think he noticed because i was in a dark corner and he said "I'm going to head home if you need me or just cal me tonight because my internet will be down." After he had left I got up thinknig about going and talking to Dave but I looked over at him and there he was talking with Rich and Tara and think her new is. So walked away. It fucking hurt to have to walk away from boyfriend that i want to talk to because he's friends were tlaknig to him. But I didnt anyway. I grabbed my purse and watched into the 80's room. my favorite song "If you leave was on" so i started dancing by myself and noticed a Sid Vicious look alike with a "The Clash" shirt staring at my from the room. He slowly made his way through the crowd and up to me. But just when I said "i like your shirt and and intrduced myself... "Melanie Murder" .. he laughed and said "should I be scared. i smiled and said "no" he said his name was john. and just than I noticed them closing the door of the 80s room which meant i was gonig to be stuck out there for hte rest of the night if i didnt go. So I said "OH SHIT IHAVE TO GO!" I grabbed my purse and ran out the door. Because honestly I didnt give to fucks to know who he was. I was way to upset and not down with dancing to Micheal Jackson. So i came walking back to the room I left Dave in and sat down I said "I cant find Meg" just than Meg walked up and I asked her for a smoke and she said "Over there in my purse." I got up and walked over and sat down to find a smking in her purse of endless shit and I noticed Dave come up and sit next to me. I wasnt sure what to say. And I dont remember If I did say anything. All I can remeber is fighting not to break down in tears and cry. Only a few manganged to past my eyelids. Dave didnt say anything he didnt even look at me. Meg came up and said "are you okay mel?" just than i couldnt help but to break. and i turnned my face away and started crying my eyes out. I think I did tell Dave that... " The only time I see you now is in the club and now you dont want me here either. what the fuck do you want me to do?"
So now I have to spilt the only time with my boyfriend with him and his friends because he doesnt want the me and you. Dave always made me believe that Garrett leaving me wasnt my fault. I think is was. Because not he's pushing me away too just like Garrett did. So I do think its my fault I just cant figure out what the fuck it is...
"I Wont Be Sleeping Tonight"