4 months

[live_for_speed]

Well its taken me 4 months but I have finally figured out the emotion I have been feeling. Disappointment. I was disappointed when I realized everything. I never expected them to disappoint me and I think thats why it hurt the most and took me so long to uncover. Somethings you just never believe could happen and they do and then your left with

Comments

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[live_for_speed]

I dont think Ill be able to. You, your brother, allyson - you were pages guild in gold in my book and this may sound really selfish or immature or something along there but - I can't handle not being the same in yours. The realization I wasn't was a big disappointment for me and I dont think I can handle that again. It hurt a lot. I know He said do even tho others may not, but it hurt and it still hurts. Maybe its my own fault for expecting more of you all but none the less it hurt not too recieve it after everything I put in. I gave all of you everything I had. You were the first people I trusted with anything about me. I gave you all my heart and my love beyond what I can explain. I would have dropped everything at a moments notice for all of you.I just dont know if I can deal with that disappointment a second time of finding out im wrong again. The truth is G, I love you guys and I never felt it back...I was attentive to you guys and the little things you knew always made me calmer like getting back at me when i called, or calling once in a while or anything like that. G I put you guys above everyone else I knew...n maybe thats too much to ask in return - if it is or even if it isn't I dont know if I can make it with the disappointment of finding out im wrong...Thats the truth G I can't be second best to my first string.

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[supergxcx]

i cant make you change ur assumptions. i kno that. but u never stopped to think that maybe once u were wrong. mayb the world isnt exactly as u c it, anx mayb ppl dont do things to hurt others. sometimes u need to confront things rather than pushing it all away, and see what change can be made. but apparently thas not how u guys seem to wanna do things.

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[live_for_speed]

I tried telling you guys before...You all know what its like for me and the things that can upset me. I tried many times and you would fix it but only for a little. Then things would just slowly fade back to the same. I treat others the way I expect them or would like them to treat me in return and the things I do are the things I hope someone to do for me and I tried showing that to you guys by my actions. I would rather not bring him into this but I will, I destroyed my strongest friendship in an attempt to keep us all together. Because secrets never keep anyone together. And you know maybe I failed, and yea you guys lost a friend too but Brendan was my brother, we understood eachother like no one else. You know why I told you what i did about brendan and why he wouldnt talk to you? Why I told you you could stop talking to me if it meant you could be friends with him

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[supergxcx]

no i really dont understand y u did all that

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[live_for_speed]

I did it because it was true, and along side it you guys made me feel like i was second best, once he was gone you made me feel like i was second best. whether you did it unintentionally or intentionally ( i.e cus I am 2nd best to you) you made me feel like i was second best. And it wasnt just you it was chris and allyson too. Chris never really checked in to see how i was a whole lot, and allyson always too busy.

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[live_for_speed]

I didnt think you really read this anymore. So it wasnt meant to make you feel anything. And I accept the choices I made, It was simply me writing down the emotions driving my choice. It didnt require response from anyone

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[supergxcx]

again, im not here to even try to change ur opinions. u can beleive what u want, but i dont put ppl in order in my life. i dont make ppl first or second. every1 who is important to me has there own special place, and i dont judge it according to the amount of time i spend with them and whatnot. mayb u do, idk every1 is different, but thas not me and im sorry u feel that way.

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[live_for_speed]

I dont rank people by time. But effort and time says a lot, mostly because time is the most valuable and scarcest thing we all have and i try and give the most precious thing to the people i love...

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[supergxcx]

humans cant CONTROL time, thas y its so valuable. and it seems like the "people u love" have changed if they r the 1s u give u time to. not that that is wron, bc its ur life and whatnot, but thas how it looks to me.

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[supergxcx]

humans cant CONTROL time, thas y its so valuable. and it seems like the "people u love" have changed if they r the 1s u give u time to. not that that is wron, bc its ur life and whatnot, but thas how it looks to me.

Re: True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

[live_for_speed]

its not about controling time gina. And I never stopped loving you guys. Its just like i been sayin all along I didnt feel that back. And whether or not you realize it whether or not Im wrong or right it all doesn't matter. I am not trying to figure out how you feel, I didn't and am not going to...All I know is how I felt...and allyson I never said you meant to do anything and it has nothing to do with wrong or right...Its purely the way I felt around you guys and the way I felt. I never blamed you guys for any of it and if it came off that way im sorry. I never said you should feel guilty and if it came off that way im sorry. I did what I did based on the way I felt and what I needed to do. I just wasn't happy...It was for a lot of reasons; Brendan was gone, you all missed him, I came home and (of no fault of anyones) I was behind the times, it was this and more. It just made me unhappy. I got disappointed because I expected things of you that maybe I shouldnt have. There hasnt been a day I dont think about the 3 of you and a day I havent loved the 3 of you. But sometimes you just need something more, and I need something more...It just worked out best gina, you wanted brendan back I wanted you to be happy and I needed something more than the 3 of you were giving me...