(no subject)
I'm not in a good mood today.
But not in a bad one.
Just...blah. A lazy, I'm over all this crap one.
Yesterday...was so frickin tired...I need to start going to bed earlier. And i need to do homework.
The guys lost their last football game.
But they came close...I think.
Then I got my hair cut. It looks the same just like 2 inches shorter...and now it's not all split ended and crap.
Then after that my mom got me a pumpkin pie shake from JITB. I'm loving those.
Then came home, did some homework, and then Matt came over.
Watched Mrs. Doubtfire, except the end cause the tape cut out.
Then we were both just quiet cause we were thinking...I think. I was just thinking about stuff and it put me in a weird mood. Then I was falling asleep due to being so tired.
He left around 11:15.
Blah...blah...blah. Crap happened.
I got upset and stuff, and then I panicked.
Decided I didn't wanna do that, but I didn't know what else I could do.
Didn't want to call anyone.
Didn't want to talk about it.
Didn't know if I could talk about it
Just cried.
I was gonna call Jose, cause I knew I could trust him as always, but then I seemed fine so I didn't.
Got ready for bed and then my cell rang. It was Jose...which is kinda ironic cause he hardly ever calls anymore. We've both just kinda lost touch. ::tear::. But yeah, I credit that one to God, cause it saved me...seriously.
So i talked to him till almost 3 (2 really at that point). So for almost 3 hours. It was awesome. Vented, talked, laughed, just caught up from over the past like 3 months.
I started like falling asleep on the phone, so we hung up. Went to sleep. Had weird dreams. And woke up.
I'm having an ugly/fat day. Don't like it.
And I don't know what's going on, so I don't know how to act.
I never seem to act the right way at the right times.
I can't do anything right.
I'm dumb.
Ok, I gotta get ready for church. And this whole entry is soo dumb. Sorry guys.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I
Would
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
But not in a bad one.
Just...blah. A lazy, I'm over all this crap one.
Yesterday...was so frickin tired...I need to start going to bed earlier. And i need to do homework.
The guys lost their last football game.
But they came close...I think.
Then I got my hair cut. It looks the same just like 2 inches shorter...and now it's not all split ended and crap.
Then after that my mom got me a pumpkin pie shake from JITB. I'm loving those.
Then came home, did some homework, and then Matt came over.
Watched Mrs. Doubtfire, except the end cause the tape cut out.
Then we were both just quiet cause we were thinking...I think. I was just thinking about stuff and it put me in a weird mood. Then I was falling asleep due to being so tired.
He left around 11:15.
Blah...blah...blah. Crap happened.
I got upset and stuff, and then I panicked.
Decided I didn't wanna do that, but I didn't know what else I could do.
Didn't want to call anyone.
Didn't want to talk about it.
Didn't know if I could talk about it
Just cried.
I was gonna call Jose, cause I knew I could trust him as always, but then I seemed fine so I didn't.
Got ready for bed and then my cell rang. It was Jose...which is kinda ironic cause he hardly ever calls anymore. We've both just kinda lost touch. ::tear::. But yeah, I credit that one to God, cause it saved me...seriously.
So i talked to him till almost 3 (2 really at that point). So for almost 3 hours. It was awesome. Vented, talked, laughed, just caught up from over the past like 3 months.
I started like falling asleep on the phone, so we hung up. Went to sleep. Had weird dreams. And woke up.
I'm having an ugly/fat day. Don't like it.
And I don't know what's going on, so I don't know how to act.
I never seem to act the right way at the right times.
I can't do anything right.
I'm dumb.
Ok, I gotta get ready for church. And this whole entry is soo dumb. Sorry guys.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I
Would
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone