(no subject)
So after my last entry...
I did manage to finish my work on Friday, and I got out a wee bit earlier than normal. When I got home there was a message waiting from me from Patrick. He wanted to catch up and asked me to call him, so I did.
It really was an awesome conversation. It was emotional for both of us. It started off with the "this is what I've been doing for the last few months" quick catch up. I asked if he was still in the same relationship, and he said that he was.
He asked me if I was dating anyone, and I told him that I was seeing someone but that it would end soon.
He asked me why I was going to end things, and I told him that I'd not really known what to do about the relationship I was in...that part of me wanted to end things, and the other part of me didn't know if I should give things more time...but his phone call was the sign that I needed. He asked why again, so I told him that just seeing his name on email, or hearing his voice, even if just a voicemail stirred up so many emotions in me about him and how things were when we were together---and that it reminded me of what I was looking for in a relationship, and that it was lacking in the one I had now. Basicially Patrick and I just really understood each other...there was never a big need for explanation of this or that---we just "got" each other, and that was really the coolest thing of all. For something that was just supposed to be a one-time thing, it ended up being something so much bigger and impactful than we ever imagined. We weren't just memorable lovers, we really clicked and we also became really good friends. 4 years later, the memories of each other still haunts both of us.
I told Patrick exactly what he meant to me...that in talks with my girlies, whenever we talk about past guys and which has had the most impact---my answer has always been the same. It's always been him. Not my ex-husband...not anyone in the recent past...so far, it's him. He REALLY raised the bar for me.
He responded in kind saying that my name keeps coming up for him too, that I was on his mind all the time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, I knew he felt this way, I just couldn't believe he was admitting it...to me.
He told me that he opened another email account, and had kept his old one open for months, just waiting to hear from me so that he could give me his new digits. Through computer crashes and losing cell phones, we both lost each other's numbers. The one link we had was an old email address of his which I happened to forward a joke to the other day.
I'm awfully glad that I forwarded whatever joke it was that I sent to him...and I'm so glad that he waited for me to make a reappearance.
I'm even more touched that he admitted to feeling the same way for me as I do for him. We talked about memories, and as I started to tell him about my favourite one, he actually continued the story for me, and recounted everything detail by detail. I was so shocked he remembered. It turns out, it was his favourite memory as well...that was just really wild.
We talked for awhile about so many things, most being how we felt about each other, and at the end of it, I was so..."WOW!" I have to admit, I cried a little afterwards...not tears of sadness, but tears from feeling so touched that my feelings are reciprocated. I always knew they were, but he actually admitted it in the most caring of words.
I am still just so pleasantly shocked by it all.
Patrick really is my "Big". There is nothing more that I want than to feel than the comfort of his arms wrapped around me, but, right now, at this point in our lives we both know that things just wouldn't work out. I guess you just love who you love, and neither time nor distance can change that.
So, that is the short and summarized of our convo.
Well, now, in regards to P, I do really have to take some action now---this week. It's really over. It's been over for weeks, and if he doesn't see it than I have no idea what this guy thinks a healthy relationship is. I just want to tie up the loose ends now and move on. To stay with him would mean that I was settling, and I promised to never ever do that to myself again.
I'm just sooo not looking forward to doing the deed, because once again I know we'll get into a debate.
Oh well.
I gotta do, what I gotta do...and I know it's the right thing to do.
It still sucks though.
I did manage to finish my work on Friday, and I got out a wee bit earlier than normal. When I got home there was a message waiting from me from Patrick. He wanted to catch up and asked me to call him, so I did.
It really was an awesome conversation. It was emotional for both of us. It started off with the "this is what I've been doing for the last few months" quick catch up. I asked if he was still in the same relationship, and he said that he was.
He asked me if I was dating anyone, and I told him that I was seeing someone but that it would end soon.
He asked me why I was going to end things, and I told him that I'd not really known what to do about the relationship I was in...that part of me wanted to end things, and the other part of me didn't know if I should give things more time...but his phone call was the sign that I needed. He asked why again, so I told him that just seeing his name on email, or hearing his voice, even if just a voicemail stirred up so many emotions in me about him and how things were when we were together---and that it reminded me of what I was looking for in a relationship, and that it was lacking in the one I had now. Basicially Patrick and I just really understood each other...there was never a big need for explanation of this or that---we just "got" each other, and that was really the coolest thing of all. For something that was just supposed to be a one-time thing, it ended up being something so much bigger and impactful than we ever imagined. We weren't just memorable lovers, we really clicked and we also became really good friends. 4 years later, the memories of each other still haunts both of us.
I told Patrick exactly what he meant to me...that in talks with my girlies, whenever we talk about past guys and which has had the most impact---my answer has always been the same. It's always been him. Not my ex-husband...not anyone in the recent past...so far, it's him. He REALLY raised the bar for me.
He responded in kind saying that my name keeps coming up for him too, that I was on his mind all the time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, I knew he felt this way, I just couldn't believe he was admitting it...to me.
He told me that he opened another email account, and had kept his old one open for months, just waiting to hear from me so that he could give me his new digits. Through computer crashes and losing cell phones, we both lost each other's numbers. The one link we had was an old email address of his which I happened to forward a joke to the other day.
I'm awfully glad that I forwarded whatever joke it was that I sent to him...and I'm so glad that he waited for me to make a reappearance.
I'm even more touched that he admitted to feeling the same way for me as I do for him. We talked about memories, and as I started to tell him about my favourite one, he actually continued the story for me, and recounted everything detail by detail. I was so shocked he remembered. It turns out, it was his favourite memory as well...that was just really wild.
We talked for awhile about so many things, most being how we felt about each other, and at the end of it, I was so..."WOW!" I have to admit, I cried a little afterwards...not tears of sadness, but tears from feeling so touched that my feelings are reciprocated. I always knew they were, but he actually admitted it in the most caring of words.
I am still just so pleasantly shocked by it all.
Patrick really is my "Big". There is nothing more that I want than to feel than the comfort of his arms wrapped around me, but, right now, at this point in our lives we both know that things just wouldn't work out. I guess you just love who you love, and neither time nor distance can change that.
So, that is the short and summarized of our convo.
Well, now, in regards to P, I do really have to take some action now---this week. It's really over. It's been over for weeks, and if he doesn't see it than I have no idea what this guy thinks a healthy relationship is. I just want to tie up the loose ends now and move on. To stay with him would mean that I was settling, and I promised to never ever do that to myself again.
I'm just sooo not looking forward to doing the deed, because once again I know we'll get into a debate.
Oh well.
I gotta do, what I gotta do...and I know it's the right thing to do.
It still sucks though.