Catch My Disease
Spent the whole week with Sean, which meant a lot of lovin', a lot of fightin' and a lot of empty wallets at the end of the week. But that's what we do, yes? I think we exhaust each other, because we feel like we have to cram as much as we can with each other before the other one leaves. I know I feel that way. After 6 days (or even 4) of non-stop intimate time, I feel like I need a break. I think things will get easier once we're in the same city or done with school or something. When we know we can be together for extended periods of time, things will be stop being so tense. I hope.
I feel like we've discovered each others buttons and we know how to push them. It's all the little things. We're always fighting about the little things. His spending and spoiling on me, his immaturity at times, his sensitivity, my bluntness, my insecurity, my narcissism. There are moments when I feel so secure in our relationship and other times I wonder what moment will break us in two. I hope he can smooth my rough edges. Is one of us just going sabotage this relationship with our extreme emotions? I hope not. I love him, I really do, and he loves me. And we'll make it work. Even if we don't see each other for 4-6 weeks. We'll manage cause we're meant to be, at least I think we are.
As for the big thing, the whole success/failure performance career thing, well I've pretty much given up on that arguement for reasons I'd rather not discuss. In fact, I've forced myself to be numb toward the whole issue. Yes I've fought and cried my little heart out over it, but now it's time to put on some antiseptic and numb the pain. Just forget it all and move on.
In other news, I have an apartment. It has hardwood floors and the a/c is brilliant (once we got the power on...that was a FUN afternoon). It's a little run down but once I fix it up, I think it's gonna look fantastic. I have a bunch of new kitchen stuff, courtesy of Sean and my Mom and myself. I also have some video games to mess around with until the students get back to Elon. A week and a half....holy cow, the summer is gone. Sean and I also bought a bunch of candles at Yankee Candle so the apartment now smells like Creme Brulee whenever I feel like it. God, we spent a ton of money this weekend. Food, movies, clothes...we went a little nuts. Good thing I'm working non-stop till school starts. Hopefully I'll have time to work on monologues and songs. I'll make the time.
I feel like we've discovered each others buttons and we know how to push them. It's all the little things. We're always fighting about the little things. His spending and spoiling on me, his immaturity at times, his sensitivity, my bluntness, my insecurity, my narcissism. There are moments when I feel so secure in our relationship and other times I wonder what moment will break us in two. I hope he can smooth my rough edges. Is one of us just going sabotage this relationship with our extreme emotions? I hope not. I love him, I really do, and he loves me. And we'll make it work. Even if we don't see each other for 4-6 weeks. We'll manage cause we're meant to be, at least I think we are.
As for the big thing, the whole success/failure performance career thing, well I've pretty much given up on that arguement for reasons I'd rather not discuss. In fact, I've forced myself to be numb toward the whole issue. Yes I've fought and cried my little heart out over it, but now it's time to put on some antiseptic and numb the pain. Just forget it all and move on.
In other news, I have an apartment. It has hardwood floors and the a/c is brilliant (once we got the power on...that was a FUN afternoon). It's a little run down but once I fix it up, I think it's gonna look fantastic. I have a bunch of new kitchen stuff, courtesy of Sean and my Mom and myself. I also have some video games to mess around with until the students get back to Elon. A week and a half....holy cow, the summer is gone. Sean and I also bought a bunch of candles at Yankee Candle so the apartment now smells like Creme Brulee whenever I feel like it. God, we spent a ton of money this weekend. Food, movies, clothes...we went a little nuts. Good thing I'm working non-stop till school starts. Hopefully I'll have time to work on monologues and songs. I'll make the time.