(no subject)
A few days ago, I stood in the back of one the many giant mega churches waiting for a friend to join. It was a good year after going away to college that I first felt like I didn't belong. That feeling only grew more and more as time went on. I always would tell myself that I was only at a loss with Christians, not God. It was a strange experience to long for years to be surrounded by people who share in your beliefs, to learn and grow with them, only to finally arrive and feel like you have nothing in common with them. It has been through the American Christian lense that I came to know and love God. I didn't realize that the more I distanced myself from the church, the more I was distancing myself from God, purposely or not. And when I was experiencing the worst of my first real test, I didn't look to Him for help or strength. That part I can blame myself for. But that doesn't help me in finding answers to the questions that caused me to fade away in the first place.
Standing in that giant mega church mad, I felt like a foreigner. I recognized the music, the lyrics, the hands in the air and the faces of those "in the moment" of worship. And what is the point of all that? The point is to live a "good Christian life" and bring others to church so that they can do the same. I looked at the giant projector screens and thought about what the church's budget was. I looked in the program to find that the church realed in 1/4 of a million dollars on one Sunday. I watched people run inside, chilled from the first cold winds of fall, the women all with their hair and make-up done well, in jeans and heels, and the men, clean cut in suade or leather. This is middle class American Christianity. You go about your week, making some money, maintaining your home and your family. You are sure to tithe, so that your church is well equipped to handle today's modern and technological world. The rest of your money is free to be spent on home improvements, backyard additions, saving up, sending your kids to college, basically, living the American dream. And so long as you continue to tithe, be involved at church, and don't do anything too majorly wrong, you're set. I so often wonder if we were to grab a Christian from Nigeria or Egypt, would they feel any connection with these people? Would they recognize their own religion? Jesus said that it is harder for a rich man to enter heaven than it is for a camel to enter though the eye of a needle. Maybe He said that because of how hard it really is to do what was asked when you live a life of plenty. A danger of being in the middle class is never reaching the realization that you have plenty. Most people I know don't feel like their lives are about materials, and they know people who have so much more than they do. And, in general, they are not unsatisfied where they are. But middle class America are the rich of the world. I'm a total screw-up. I know this. I don't pretend not to know. But I know I will never be going in a good direction until I get what I see as the contradictions of American Christianity figured out for myself.
So many Christians in America see Christianity as only being exactly what they see here. I heard someone speak the other night on how a Muslim could be a follower of Christ without dropping ther culture and history. We don't like to be vulnerable. We don't like to open ourselves up to the unknown. We assume that in order to follow Christ, people have to become like us. I told a story about man who walked up to a monkey sitting by a stream. As he came closer, he saw that the monkey was grabbing fish from the stream and setting them on the ground next to him. "What are you doing?" the man asked. "I am saving the fish," the monkey replied. "They were drowning." American Christians are like this. I thought all of the fish I had as a kid. If you fill a fishbowl too high, the fish will sometimes jump out of the water, and if you are not there when it happens to throw them back in, you will later find them dead right next to the fishbowl. I think that Chrisitans are often like the monkey, saving the fish from drowning or it's more like this: They see a fish jump out of its fishbowl, and say "well he did that too himself... too bad for him" and keep on walking. For Christians, I think this applies from politics, to volunteerism, to community involvement, and also, perhaps most importantly, to our relationships.
Maybe I'll have more to say in two weeks, after I return to the mega church to hear someone interview on atheist on his views of church.