Standalone: Writing Letters

Jan 11, 2011 23:25


Title: Writing Letters
Characters: Jason Todd
Word Count: 3000
Summary: It's January in Gotham and Jason doesn't know what he wants. Problem is, neither does anyone else.
-

Jason leaned back in the cheap aluminum and pleather chairs and flipped idly through a battered 'Suicide Girls' magazine. )

fandom: dcu, writing: fanfiction, standalone, characters: jason todd

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 17:24:40 UTC
This was absolutely lovely, beautifully written. Subtle and sweet. There were so many lines that reached out and grabbed me. For instance...

They chattered about someone's house party and an embarrassing session of Guitar Hero and Jason felt a pang of longing when he realized he should know what that was. - This was the first line with strong emotional impact for me. Like, this seriously hit me like a punch in the gut. Just that sudden realization, at the same time it hits Jason, of how isolated he is, how far-removed from a normal life, and how much he wants that sometimes. It's so lonely and sad.

He missed the smell of Alfred's cookies in the oven. He missed waking up and finding the kitchen clean and his mother (not his mother, but better) smilingly tiredly over her shoulder while she soaked the old bread in eggs and milk. She made the worst french toast, but he ate it anyway because those were always good days. He missed the public library. He missed class field trips.

He missed pretending to be asleep when Bruce watched him from the doorway. They both knew they were pretending, but that just made it better. It made it honest.

Jason missed laughing in the tower.

He thought about a trail of stars starting at the base of his spine, one for every memory he missed, but Jason knew it would never be done. Every day he'd remember one more and soon he'd have no more room for stars because he'd be covered in regret.

Jason didn't want to look in the mirror and see regret for the rest of his life. It was hard enough seeing it now. One day, he wanted to look in the mirror and be happy. - Like, this WHOLE SECTION on memories and missing and regret. So lovely and sad. Every single line was perfect.

Those bells always reminded him of the movies; people walking into tiny out-of-the way record stores or a Korean market run by their best friend. - I liked that, just... because it was neat. A funny little detail that I wasn't expecting.

Once, when he was younger, he'd spent a Christmas watching the lights through the snow, pretending they were angels delivering presents. He knew they were just cars, but in the morning, when his mom was still sick and there were no presents, Jason still felt forgotten. He never counted angels again.

Today, he pulled to a stop at an empty four-way and watched. He didn't count, not beyond the absent minded 'one-two-three, four-five' with half a dozen passing in between.

He pulled off his helmet and cut the engine.

Jason didn't count angels.

He didn't count the low, orange angels that came from an 1989 station wagon.

He didn't count the bright white halogen angels.

He didn't count the scattered red angels that floated above and below and behind.

Jason didn't count angels but he watched them drive by all the same and in the insultated dark, he didn't mind being alone.

A battered old El Camino pulled up to the four-way and waited for him to go, but Jason just sat there with his engine cut, staring at the interstate. Eventually, the driver eased through without so much as a finger out the window and Jason was back, no longer insulated and still alone, eyelashes covered in heavy drops of melted snow. His cheeks were wet as well, but rubbing his sleeve over his face just smeared the water uselessly. - Another beautiful and heartbreaking scene where I loved every line. I love the headlight angels.

...To be continued because I RAN OUT OF CHARACTERS, that's how much I love this.

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Comment of Adoration, Part 2 zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 17:25:48 UTC
The family wasn't sitting together in the living room with a fire blazing, little Tim reading a book while Dick and the brat fought over cookies and cocoa, Bruce helping Alfred in the kitchen and sticking his fingers in the food. - I love this, how clearly Jason (and I) can picture this imaginary never-happen scene. The family would almost be like this- if they weren't all out fighting crime and collecting bruises and circles under their eyes. ...And I like that it's "little Tim" in his head. ^_^

I love Jason giving his tattoo money to the shelter. Aaawwwwww, honey!

I love Jason trying to write letters and failing because he doesn't have any words.

I love Jason's encounter with Damian. You write Damian perfectly; he would be aggressive and confrontational in exactly that manner. I forgot that of course Jason would have seen Dami as an itty bitty tiny child-person (tinier child-person); I love that, I really love that, it puts such an interesting twist on their impressions of each other. ...I especially love this part:

“I've been forbidden to confront you,” The boy'd scoffed, arrogant and noble, “I was told you embraced the most vicious talents of the League. Obviously, I have been misinformed.”

“Yeah, well, life's tough,” Jason replied “Big brother just wanted to cover the fact I fucked your mom.”

True; it had been completely childish.

Also true; his face was totally worth it. - I died laughing. Ohmyfuckinggod, Jason. XDD I love Damo's reaction, too. I love that he tried to bite Jay's fingers off. He so would. Great job again on characterization.

The whole bit with the phone and Alfred broke my heart.

I loved grateful shelter lady, and I loved Jason's reaction to her. I love her feeling up his abs. XD

This was truly fantastic, well done. This is... probably my favorite Jason story. Thank you so much.

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Re: Comment of Adoration, Part 2 littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 19:13:24 UTC
Rockwellian Christmas - Whenever people write about Jason going home it's always 'AND EVERYTHING WAS BETTER, THE END' which is lovely, but, well, what's the likelihood of that ever actually happening? It's not happy family to begin with. Dick and Damian are a family. Tim's the bitchy black sheep. Bruce is just sort of ... there, like a living ghost of Christmas Past. The only reason they have decorations is because Alfred puts them up. The only room where everyone would be together is the cave. It's not exactly a homey reality.

Money - Jay's just full of impulse decision. He might regret not saving some of the money later, when he's hungry and tight on food, but the act of giving, of making things a little better, he'll never regret. I think he lives for doing things he won't regret.

Letters - Jason is not verbally expressive, like Tim. He's not physical expressive, like Dick. He's emotionally expressive and that makes it hard to understand himself and impossible for others who don't have the time and constant interaction to learn him. Jason just wants to communicate so badly and he can't trust anyone enough to do that.

Damian - Jason totally did see Damian as a little person! I think Jay, beyond everyone else, sees Damian as family. A different family, not quite Bat, but still somehow his to protect. Damian isn't Tim. He isn't a replacement or a new baby. He's the other son who wasn't good enough and, as bitter as Jason is he wasn't accepted, he can't say he's jealous Dick finally did right by one of them. Tim's a little bitch and Bruce is an asshole, but at least someone's taking care of someone in that family.

Jason's Bitchy Humor - It's still Jason. Sure, he's deep and introspective right now, but he lives to make other squawk indignantly and flail. Damian will always be adorably hilarious in his book, even when he's being an irritatingly stuck-up little bastard. Besides, he knew Damian would get all ruffled at the 'Yo-momma' joke. The only icing was the fact it's true.

ALFRED - Oh my god, Alfred is the epitome of 'everything will be alright'. He's the one who WOULD hug Jason as soon as he opened the door. He's the one who puts up the christmas decorations. He's the one that's still cooking in the kitchen. He's the one who'd living a life of 'it will be better' even when everything's complete shit. Alfred is everything Jason wants and he's scared to death that if he reaches out for him, the Alfred he's sure exists will disappear, just like his angels turned back into headlights.

Shelter lady - Even when we're lost and we feel like we don't exist, everything we do effects someone else. Sometimes, they let us know. It helps remind us we're still real.

I'm so happy you love this. It started out with no direction at all and I just decided to keep writing instead of setting it aside. It's completely purposeless and, in the end, I guess that's the point. That's who Jason is: The Boy Without a Purpose.

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 19:55:41 UTC
Wheeee! I'm enjoying this DVD extras commentary reel just about as much as the actual fic! I always love it when I come across an author that so clearly loves the hell out of the character they're writing. That comes through very well in your story, and even more so in this. It's clear how much you love Jason, and how much effort you've put into getting to know him really well. I know Jason the least well out of all the Robins, but what I do know I love. I find him fascinating, and I'm looking forward to getting to know him better! ...Once I'm off this Tim Drake kick I'm on.

I think he lives for doing things he won't regret. - Guh. This. I just want to hug him.

Tim's a little bitch and Bruce is an asshole, but at least someone's taking care of someone in that family. - Heehee, yes! Jay and Damo... yeah, I've always seen a lot of common ground between the two of them.

ALFRED PENNYWORTH, is he or is he not a motherfucking rockstar? I love this man hard. Always have, always will.

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littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 20:19:13 UTC
GET INSIDE GRIFF'S BRAIN FOR 22.99! : D

See, I'm going to make a big confession here.

>.>
<.<

I don't read comics. I read summaries of what happens, I listen closely to the people who DO read comics, and every blue moon, I'll peruse a scan or two. That means, to be able to write these characters, I have have to create them. It's the reason I write character intensive fics instead of plot intensive because, really, I don't know the DC world's ins and outs. When I want to create a world, I go AU and skip around, happily flaunting everything I don't know.

Jason is one of those characters that DC has just spun around and dropped on his head. He doesn't make sense at all and it's the writers' fault. By ignoring 90% of what actually happens, it's actually much easier to piece together the major events and reactions in his life and make a person out of it.

Tim - I love Tim, I do. I really really do. But he is currently going through his 'Shitty Human Being' stage in canon and I admit I love it because Tim NEEDS to be human and be unlikable sometimes - All young men go through that stage, whether it's at 13 or 23, but JESUS CHRIST, TIM. You are such a little ASSHOLE right now.

(Also, I'm trying to break my habit of pairing everyone with Tim. He's just so MALLEABLE. I twist his weak little psyche into pretzels!)

Regret - I think (if DC is paying attention, this is a BIG DEAL, PEOPLE) if Jason can learn how to live again, to do thing that he can take pride in and not have to run away from, he'll be the happiest of all the Bat's. I think he's the one that has a chance to recover and be human. Jason, once he learns how to be a human being, could even leave the mask behind. He could get a wife and kids and run a community center or be a fireman. Something that still actively makes a difference but doesn't have to hide. Something people can be proud of.

Dude Alfred is God. He's like Morgan Freeman.

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 21:38:40 UTC
Ahahahahaha nice!! ...Totally valid, though. The great thing about comics is that all of the characters are written over such huge lengths of time by so many different writers, and everyone brings their own take on the character to the table. It sort of legitimizes fanfiction a little, because in comics, interpretation is the canon. I definitely picked up on your having very strong, very personal opinions on Jason's character, but I like your take on him; it seems very true to me.

I'm a relative newcomer to reading the actual comics myself; thus, why I haven't gotten to know Jason as well as the others- I simply haven't had time to get to him yet! A few months ago I was convinced that it would be quite some time before I felt comfortable writing in the comics universe (I'm more familiar with a few of the animated shows), but then Scary!Timmy abducted my brain and I didn't have any choice in the matter. But I think the only reason I'm able to do it is because my AU character necessitates an AU Gotham... I try to mirror the comics where I can and it is appropriate, but if I mess something up out of ignorance I can just go WALP, IT'S AN AU, THINGS ARE DIFFERENT HERE. :DD ...So yeah, going AU to avoid having to know things = TOTALLY VALID.

By ignoring 90% of what actually happens, it's actually much easier to piece together the major events and reactions in his life and make a person out of it. - Distilled essence of Jason! :DD

...I guess he's being a giant asshole to Damian... which, I admit, I frequently want to smack him for. And then chew him out loudly. On the one hand, I totally see where he's coming from... Damian's an annoying little shit (whom I adore, let's just make that clear) and he tried to kill him which does not tend to ingratiate him to others, and all of the spats and infighting between the two of them are just as much his fault as Tim's. On the other hand... Damian was grown in a test-tube and raised by assassins and he's TEN, so, duh, he's going to kind of suck at being a human being, whereas Tim is practically an adult and he's had some pretty good role models in his life, so he really should be more mature about this and not stoop to Damo's level... on the other OTHER hand I can't blame him for resenting having to be the grown-up in the room and rise above and all that... but then, I know it sucks but SUCK IT UP, TIM... aaaaaand I just go back and forth like that. XD; Basically I just want to smack them both upside the head and make them sit in the corner until they LEARN TO PLAY NICE. (It's hella funny to watch them fight, though. XDDD)

...I guess he was being kind of a jerk when he left Gotham to look for Bruce, but since he found evidence that Bruce was alive and his friends came back to life and he had some time to adjust to not being Robin anymore he's been kind of fantastic. The whole Damian thing aside.

Re: Jason and his hypothetical future development... duuuude, you know, I never really thought about it like that but you're totally right! Everyone else is trapped under the shadow of the cowl, and, yeah, they're totally fucked up (not the want them to not be fucked up, because what would we do without our heroes?)... but Jason is out, he's not part of that system anymore, and if he could just work through his myriad Issues... yeah, he could totally have a chance at a normal life!

...They're three facets of the same being. The Holy Trinity: God the Father, God the Morgan Freeman, and God the Alfred Pennyworth.

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littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 22:08:04 UTC
You forgot the occasional 'God the Alanis Morrisette.'

XD

Also, I put up that poll thing which is less of a poll and more of a 'Hey, question!' so poke it with a stick if you'd like. XD

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 22:36:01 UTC
I think Alanis Morrisette was probably my favorite God. Although I'm pretty fond of the cowboy.

Cool, I'll drop a note if I have any relevent thoughts. ^_^

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littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 18:54:09 UTC
I'm replying to the first part before I go on to the second cause I don't want to forget to reply to a SINGLE PART!

Guitar Hero - It's one of those pop culture things that even if you don't play you know what it is, but Jason's been dead and locked away and just invisible for so many years, he'd be completely separated from it, like someone leaving prison for the first time in 20 years and seeing cellphones. He vaguely knows it exists, but not what it really entails and that bothers him.

Memories - So many people - myself included - get tattoos for things they've lost and still hold dear. Jason's lost so much and had so little that if he had to wake up every day and realize how little there was for him... I think it would break him, utterly.

Door Jingles - growing up in the poorer part of town, it had to be a familiar sound, instead of the 'ding-dong' floormats, ya know? Jason always seems to try and hold on to the happiest reminders he can, and I think movies were probably a big thing for him.

Headlight Angels - driving around snow-heavy nights is a common memory for me and the thicker the icefog, the better. Most people found it unnerving, but I was always comforting for me. Light snow, over great distance, still adds a similar haze and suddenly headlights are so bright in the night. They don't hurt your eyes to watch anymore. In their own way, they're soothing. A lonely kid just wanting to pretend things could get better and holding out enough hope that, just maybe, if he believed, it would come true, can create the most sincere saviors in the world, even just out of lightbulbs.

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 19:04:01 UTC
Eeeeeee, this is fun! It's lovely to get these little insights into what you were thinking when you put these details in.

The bit where Jason was thinking about how he could get a star for each memory he missed but he would end up covered in regret was incredibly powerful, it gave me chills.

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littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 19:19:15 UTC
I love sharing the extra bits that didn't come out on paper. I mean, those bits are all me instead of the character, so it's really good that it's not ME all over the page, but it's still really fun to share!

This whole story started with the stray thought 'I wonder what tattoo Jason would get' and when I sat down to write it, all the reasons most people have for tattoos just didn't seem to fit and he just kept trying to make sense of it and it didn't work. The starts of regret was something that struck me too, and finally made me realize that, at least this time, he wasn't going to write anything on his skin because all he had was darkness. It would actually be a kindness if he ever had a chance to forget half the things he regretted.

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 20:00:06 UTC
Haha, I know what you mean. My head is full of so much more than can and should go into the story, but give me half a chance in the comment threads on my posts and I'll just go nuts about it. XD;

Gah, what a fantastic way to answer an idle thought! It's amazing how these things can grow from the most insignificant seeds.

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littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 20:25:48 UTC
Of course, now Jason's going 'Hey, so I've been thinking about being Nightwing...' and I have no idea how to even START that, so we'll see if that happens. XD

I might just post a poll going 'I'M THINKING ABOUT...' and see what people want me to write.

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 20:47:10 UTC
OH. MY. GOD. That would be AWESOME, and hey, there's a vacancy! And... he's done it before, kinda? ...I know he was dressed up as Nightwing during one of the Crises and running around causing trouble like a bastard... I didn't actually see that bit but I was reading a comic and it made a passing mention of Nightwing acting like a psycho and I was SO CONFUSED. XD;

Lol, Dick would be SO ANNOYED. Like, I think he's more okay with being Batman than he thought he would be, and he knows it's what's needed right now, but he was SO READY to be Nightwing again when Bruce came back, but Bruce was all like, "NO, ACTUALLY, WITHOUT CONSULTING YOU I HAVE COME UP WITH THIS WHOLE OTHER PLAN AND YOUR PART IN IT IS TO KEEP BEING BATMAN OKAY LET'S GO HAVE A PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT IT AND THEN MAYBE I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, BUT REALLY, YOUR ASSENT AND MY EXPLANATION ARE EXTRANEOUS BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS RIGHT." And he is right and Dick knows it, but still, WAY TO BE A JERK, BRUCE.

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littlemissgriff January 12 2011, 20:51:21 UTC
Yeah, Bruce? You're the pointy-haired boss everyone bitches about. I mean, sure, you just HAPPEN to be brilliant, but amazingly enough, when it comes to interdepartmental politics? Your policies suck ass.

Also? You fuck up your family. Just sayin'.

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zolac_no_miko January 12 2011, 20:56:28 UTC
Yeah, I, like, adore Bruce, as a character and as a person, but... for all that he's so freaking good to the point of being better than everyone else at so many things, the few things that he's not good at he MAJORLY SUCKS AT. Heeeeee's kind of a douche~. <3

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