(no subject)

[littlelliot]

So I was walking home from Adrienns party on saturday morning and I had some intence realisations about my life. I was feeling really fucking alone and I was like holy shit, I'm not doing anything with my life because I've gotten myself into a really shitty cycle that I guess started almost three years ago. Trauma happenned and I was depressed and scared and paranoid and I stopped doing anything. Like I stopped my life. It was hard enough to leave my house without having a paneck attack. So my goals in life got alot smaller than they were before Brad died, like getting out of bed kind of goals and getting through the week. I dropped out of school and quit my job and used my credit card for two months that I'm still paying off. So I guess I've become less traumatised but have been using the same capong skill. Whenever I get hurt or traumatised I stop everything. So now I'm depressed because I dont do anything with my life so I dont do anything so I'm depressed so I dont do anything so I'm depressed. Get it? So my plan is to get out of town as soon as possible so I can figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm going to go to Calgary and then Vancouver. I guess ther reason why I need to get away to do all this is Cub is a fucking weasel and so Devon and they have made my community here feel really unsafe for me. I cant even go to my best friends house to work through shit without both of them calling. Well fuck them, I'm not going to let there fucking selfish act send me into a deeper hole of depression.

oh and one more thing,

Love stinks

always remember that even it seems fucking amazing and perfect it will always end in tears.