FIC: Pause. Play.
Title: Pause. Play.
Author: littleisle
Rating: PG
Pairing: Severus/Remus and Severus/Male Character
Disclaimer: All main characters and Potterworld found in this piece of fiction - unless explicitly stated - all belong to JK Rowling. No profit is being made.
Summary: He plays it in his head again, and he knows he needs to stop.
Warnings: Angst, implied mpreg, non-Snupin pairing
Time Period: AU, Post-war
Length: 891
A/N: I was craving for a fic like this for a long time, and have actually ranted about it in my journal, but to my dismay, I have found non. Nonetheless, even though I am a much better reader than I am a writer, I just needed to get this out of my system. And I did. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I was listening to Shake It Out - Florence and The Machine while writing this, and I highly recommend listening to it while reading :) It's a wonderful song and really sets the mood.
(Pause.)
It was there. Remus could see it.
Subtly golden as it graced the long fourth proximal digit of Sev- Snape’s stretched hand.
Just as friends, he recalled, I told you.
(Play.)
Remus watched as the small light bounced off its small frame and onto the ceiling; up and then down as he dabbled his lips with a crisp white napkin.
(Pause. Rewind. Play.)
What, you have a date? Remus grin faded when the lightest of blushes adorned his white skin.
“Yes.”
(Fast-forward. Play. Pause.)
He watched as Professors Weasley and Snape converse in low voices. They were friends now, you see, both blessed with the gift of life beating beneath their own hearts.
(Rewind. Play.)
He smelled blood, and tried to hold him as he ominously swayed forward.
“Don’t touch me.” Snape snarled, “I barely let my friends touch me, what makes you think I’ll let you?”
I’m sorry.
“You’re always sorry.”
(Rewind. Play.)
Callously, a cup of his salvation was placed on his table.
Thank you Severus.
(Pause.)
Remus breathed in, then he breathed out.
(Fast-forward. Play.)
Snape was leaving now, carelessly placing a stranded piece of hair behind his ear with his
left hand.
The small light touched Remus’ own face for a moment before descending back onto the floor.
That hand was now delicately placed on his bulging belly as Snape, bracing the side of his chair, slowly, he lifted himself up.
(Pause. Rewind. Play.)
Just try, Remus implored, Let’s just try.
Cold dark eyes rose to meet his own.
”I am not your desperate last resort Lupin.”
No, he said, Yes, he thought.
(Fast-forward. Play.)
A small smile played along Remus’ face as he observed a less than amused Severus Snape being coddled by hounds of women. Was he getting enough nutrients? Has he chosen the type of milk?
Unsuccessfully trying to extract himself from the crowd, Snape, now looking more than uncomfortable, was ready to explode by spitting fires.
Remus caught Snape’s eyes for a brief second - and then a dark head pushed through the crowd, his hands gently touching his beloved’s face before sequestering him away into the corner of the house.
(Pause. Rewind. Play.)
The kiss was warm and light. Barely a brush of wind and he was pushed backwards.
“Alright,” the cold, dark eyes thawed into warmer ones. “We can have tea. But just as friends Lup- Remus. We can only ever be friends.”
(Fast-forward. Play.)
Bowed heads betrayed no secrets, but as the man whispered untold somethings into the shell of Snape’s ear, a small relieved smile appeared on his face, and the couple was cradled in the comfort of each other’s embrace for the rest of the night.
(Pause. Rewind. Play.)
He would not beg. He has grown up since then, endured enough pain to recognize that this is
something that is not worth begging for. And yet -
Just stay, Severus. You never stay for long anymore.
“I have plans Remus.”
Oh yes, with him.
A Pause. Another blush. How Remus hates him.
“I’ll see you next week.”
(Fast-forward. Play.)
Snape brushed a lock of hair out of his husband’s face and rolled his eyes.
Remus took in a deep breath and apologized his interruption to a zealous Nymphadora Tonks who was talking about a raid in a farm up north, or something.
“I’m not feeling my best so I think I’m gonna go and just - ” he lamely waved his hand at the direction of the door.
Nymphadora briefly glanced at the Snape and his beau before pitiably setting her eyes on him.
Remus wanted to hit her.
“Alright Remus, you go.”
Tersely, Remus gave a short nod before striding towards the door.
(Pause. Rewind. Play.)
Why him? I love you, damn you, why him?
“I can’t love you when even the thought of being with you hurts me. And he - he taught me how to love myself.”
A Pause. “But you are my friend. You are my friend and - and it would pain me to lose you.”
What would it take -?
“Time Remus. It would take the past to change the present. But thank God that’s impossible. I am, for once in my life, thankful for the events that have occurred. Without them, no matter how painful they were, I would not be where I am right now.”
He picked up the fallen invitation and carefully brushed off the dirt beneath it.
“Either you accept our relationship now, or we don’t have one at all.”
And he left.
(Pause.)
No wait, stop. I’ll fight. Damn me. I should have fought harder for you. I’ll fight for you.
But I loved you. But I love you.
I brushed the air where his head was. There was nothing. It was too late.
(Fast-forward. Pause. Play.)
“Hey Remus!” Harry ran towards him, his touch burning Remus’ arm.
Remus played on an ersatz smile before turning around.
“Leaving without saying goodbye?” Snape emerged from his husband’s arms to embrace Remus, “Goodbye then.”
Goodbye then.
Released from his embrace, Remus pressed a kiss to his friend’s forehead.
“Congratulations again,” he replied, and before anybody could say anything else, he walked into the night.
(Rewind. Play.)
“I’ll always lov-
(Rewind. Play.)
But Serius is my friend!
"And me? I thought I was your friend too!"
(Rewind. Play.)
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
Pause. Eject.