Object lesson in casual fat hate disguised as not giving a shit
In the last day, two different people asked what I thought of this certain blog post. Well, one directly and one asked her whole LJ friends list. I wrote some tweets, and then this morning dug in for a longer analysis. That analysis turns out to be longer than LJ comments allow, so I'm posting it here instead! For all of you
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The obvious weirdest thing is your body is totally changing. Two things I remember is I was always touching my face because I didn't recognize how it felt anymore. I also remember the mom of my first really serious boyfriend walk by me and not recognize me (I practically lived at her house for 3 full years).
So the drastic changes in your body are completely, well, you can't even process it properly. If she's loosing weight quickly (I haven't read it in detail) - it's probably even freakier. It took me 5 years and I had to stop and maintain for a long time just because it was too weird for me.
The second thing is - everyone (and by everyone I mean 100% of the people you know) start treating you like you just cured cancer or something. It totally fucks with your head and is without a doubt a sad statement on how north america views weight and weight loss. But it's true - people will say things like "WOW!!!!! YOU LOOK AMAZING" - from friends to total strangers (I had people come up to me in the gym who I never met before and congratulate me on my "ass" . . . and I am not kidding). More people will openly flirt with you, be kinder to you, and just treat you as if you hold some giant accomplishment that goes beyond anything they've ever seen.
No matter who you are - I promise that even you would feel twinges of "yeeahhhh" when this happens. No doubt you'll also be angry and probably horrified by it all - but when you have everyone telling you that you have recently entered into the fantastic club - it's hard not to let that impact you in a self-congrats way.
ALL THAT TO SAY
While I am not making excuses for people who go through a weight loss and suddenly feel like it's their right via Jesus to tell others either how to loose weight or to just plain ol' shape up (this truly does drive me batty) - I am a bit empathetic with the totally fucked up head space you're in when you do loose a significant amount of weight.
I don't know if angry is the best way to get a message across to people - so that's why I was a bit "ummm" when I saw your response (I read it as if you're being harsh - maybe you're not!) but truth be told with some folks I truly don't know how to get a message across. Esp when you're up against that much social programming.
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I haven't been in the position of a dramatic change since I was in high school, and weirdly then no-one ever said anything; I just got terrified when I realized it had happened without me trying or noticing. So it's not really typical of the experience.
But sure I understand talking or writing about what is going on with one's body, and I think there are things that are really important to keep in mind, depending upon the venue and the audience. And I don't think it's less important just because it's all weird - but I also don't think a person becomes terrible if they do something wrong. I think you're right that my tone is harsh, but I'm not really trying to say anything about the person being good or bad. I'm sure she's fine, and if she isn't, it has nothing to do with me. But I think the behaviour and the sentiments are worth engaging with... apparently, harshly. Ha.
I don't know if you've gone any distance back in my LJ? I've written a bit on feelings about my body in ways that I wouldn't just put anywhere... oh! I only friended you just now, so of course you wouldn't have been able to see them anyway; the whole point I was just making was that it was semi-private, ha. Anyway, I definitely don't wish to make a villain out of anyone who expresses any feeling about changes in their body. But there are oppressive ways to do it. And I'm talking in circles, ha! Okay.
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THIS, oh my god this. A few years ago when I was dieting for primarily reasons of blood sugar control and fertility difficulties, people kept congratulating me on my weight loss and I kept wanting to tell them to shut up.
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why do people suck :(
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