Object lesson in casual fat hate disguised as not giving a shit
In the last day, two different people asked what I thought of this certain blog post. Well, one directly and one asked her whole LJ friends list. I wrote some tweets, and then this morning dug in for a longer analysis. That analysis turns out to be longer than LJ comments allow, so I'm posting it here instead! For all of you!
Here is the blog post:
I assure you, my weight loss is not intended as an insult
Posted on 11/02/2011 by SewerUrchin
So, I like to think I'm being quite reasonable with the weight loss thing. I don't want to be one of those sanctimonious fitness bores who constantly harps on at their friends to join them jogging, or ruins everyone's fun at the pub by haughtily asking if they're aware of how many calories there are in beer. I don't want to react with disgust if offered a cookie. I don't want to bore everyone rigid with my diet plan. No-one likes those people... Click this to keep reading her post!
So my friend who asked her LJ people in general asked, "I guess I'm wondering if the author seems to be generally fat positive, even though she chooses to lose weight. Or is that impossible?"
The author seems to be generally fat-negative, but it's not impossible for a person with an objective of weight or size loss to avoid that.
She wants to be seen not as fat-positive, per se, but compassionate and supportive of others; however, she undermines this at every turn as she makes plain her biases and lack of respect. Her value-laden language makes every paragraph a position paper saying that being smaller is more virtuous, and to not desire it is daft.
I think that her fat hate is pretty easy to pin down as being externalized self-loathing fostered by a culture that made her ashamed of her body as she's always known it, but that doesn't mean she can't fuck off with it.
She's written this fitness blog post to seek validation that she's being reasonable and these fat chicks who can't face reality are in the wrong for arguing with her. The thesis is "I'm not doing anything wrong!" and until this post, her prior behaviour as described doesn't sound THAT bad. I don't like the culture that offers validation for shrinking, but I don't think someone who is caught up in it is a villain. But the linked post is only for ridiculing people who have a problem with it, in order to make herself feel more justified in the most comfortable position for her. And that sucks.
Tell-tale phrases:
"Naturally, I was rather elated by this."
"But a size 14... well, that's pretty good, and not noticeably big for my height."
"...I'll feel a lot more attractive when I shift the excess weight."
"Might not be massively healthy, but screw it, given that I got so overweight in the first place, I'm in no position to criticise someone else's health."
That one tells a lot - the moral stance reminiscent of "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." the shame she feels for not having been virtuous enough to not be fat makes her pretend she won't criticize someone else for the same thing... while she does it.
"...my happy little status about being marginally less huge than before."
"And by "a bit on the large side", I mean "morbidly obese"."
That one rates a big FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU, and not just for the period outside the quotation mark.
"I do eat a lot more healthily, but I allow myself to have a couple of treats at the weekend, like a few vodka and Diet Cokes, or a burger, or maybe some cheese." then "However, they seem to take my "lose the fat" regime as a personal insult at times."
No the personal insult comes in the nature of all the judgemental language around anything she seems to say about food or bodies, and the appeal to a standard of virtue that brands consuming certain things an indulgence. Also diet pop just jesus christ.
...they also often say "Well, if you think you're fat, I assume you think I am as well"? ... There is no way in hell you can get away with looking a 5'1, 300lb girl in the eye, and saying "No, not at all!", especially when you're trying to lose weight, having started from a much lower weight than that. So I just explain that, while they carry weight very well, I don't. For some reason, I really don't. Probably because I'm tall, so I resemble Godzilla if I'm also wide."
The above only even works to any extent if she were the only TALL fat person in the world; the unique individual who could never be desirable if not slender because of the freakishly rare combination of height and girth. But even leaving that aside, what she's doing is demonstrating that she has first-hand, empirical evidence that the way she speaks of herself has an effect on the people around her, and her only response is to assure us well they ARE fat but I don't CARE. I only CARE about MYSELF. Which is the problem in the first place.
Also leave Godzilla alone she's beautiful.
"I only had a small slice of cake, so I must think they're disgusting gobblesome fatties for having larger pieces."
She does.
"I don't care, including in this case, where my friends eat unhealthily and don't typically walk any further than from the sofa to the fridge and back."
I hope the people to whom she refers above realize by now that she is NOT their friend!
"Just like my having short hair isn't an insult towards long hair, or having tattoos isn't an insult aimed at blank skin, my attempting to lose weight is not a criticism of anyone else's."
Here is the field-goal kicker - the analogy is dishonest. I doubt very much that her friends see her diet and lifestyle choices per se as critical. What they have called her out on is her CRITICISM. A true analogy would be to compare the way she TALKS about hair length and the presence of tattoos, and I don't believe that she describes short hair or tattoos as "naturally" preferable without qualifying it as her preference, and I don't believe that she tries to tell other people that they're suited to un-inked skin but it makes her look like a monster, and I don't believe that she says, "...and when I say 'long-haired,' I mean 'MORBIDLY OBESE.'"
There's a limit to the things you have to be happy for your friends for that aren't in line with your values. I for example don't think marriage or procreation are admirable or a good idea, but I am psyched for my friends who pursue them to be as happy as they expect to be. If I had a friend who was really elated because that Black family on their block was moving away soon and it would be more comfortable for them, I am not worried about being the killjoy when I am less than supportive! I see the latter as being more analogous to the practise of talking about bodies and food the way this woman does than the former is.
She can do whatever she wants with her body and it isn't a message to others. Her MESSAGES are a message to others, and she can pretty much shut up with them because they suck.
Here is the blog post:
I assure you, my weight loss is not intended as an insult
Posted on 11/02/2011 by SewerUrchin
So, I like to think I'm being quite reasonable with the weight loss thing. I don't want to be one of those sanctimonious fitness bores who constantly harps on at their friends to join them jogging, or ruins everyone's fun at the pub by haughtily asking if they're aware of how many calories there are in beer. I don't want to react with disgust if offered a cookie. I don't want to bore everyone rigid with my diet plan. No-one likes those people... Click this to keep reading her post!
So my friend who asked her LJ people in general asked, "I guess I'm wondering if the author seems to be generally fat positive, even though she chooses to lose weight. Or is that impossible?"
The author seems to be generally fat-negative, but it's not impossible for a person with an objective of weight or size loss to avoid that.
She wants to be seen not as fat-positive, per se, but compassionate and supportive of others; however, she undermines this at every turn as she makes plain her biases and lack of respect. Her value-laden language makes every paragraph a position paper saying that being smaller is more virtuous, and to not desire it is daft.
I think that her fat hate is pretty easy to pin down as being externalized self-loathing fostered by a culture that made her ashamed of her body as she's always known it, but that doesn't mean she can't fuck off with it.
She's written this fitness blog post to seek validation that she's being reasonable and these fat chicks who can't face reality are in the wrong for arguing with her. The thesis is "I'm not doing anything wrong!" and until this post, her prior behaviour as described doesn't sound THAT bad. I don't like the culture that offers validation for shrinking, but I don't think someone who is caught up in it is a villain. But the linked post is only for ridiculing people who have a problem with it, in order to make herself feel more justified in the most comfortable position for her. And that sucks.
Tell-tale phrases:
"Naturally, I was rather elated by this."
"But a size 14... well, that's pretty good, and not noticeably big for my height."
"...I'll feel a lot more attractive when I shift the excess weight."
"Might not be massively healthy, but screw it, given that I got so overweight in the first place, I'm in no position to criticise someone else's health."
That one tells a lot - the moral stance reminiscent of "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." the shame she feels for not having been virtuous enough to not be fat makes her pretend she won't criticize someone else for the same thing... while she does it.
"...my happy little status about being marginally less huge than before."
"And by "a bit on the large side", I mean "morbidly obese"."
That one rates a big FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU, and not just for the period outside the quotation mark.
"I do eat a lot more healthily, but I allow myself to have a couple of treats at the weekend, like a few vodka and Diet Cokes, or a burger, or maybe some cheese." then "However, they seem to take my "lose the fat" regime as a personal insult at times."
No the personal insult comes in the nature of all the judgemental language around anything she seems to say about food or bodies, and the appeal to a standard of virtue that brands consuming certain things an indulgence. Also diet pop just jesus christ.
...they also often say "Well, if you think you're fat, I assume you think I am as well"? ... There is no way in hell you can get away with looking a 5'1, 300lb girl in the eye, and saying "No, not at all!", especially when you're trying to lose weight, having started from a much lower weight than that. So I just explain that, while they carry weight very well, I don't. For some reason, I really don't. Probably because I'm tall, so I resemble Godzilla if I'm also wide."
The above only even works to any extent if she were the only TALL fat person in the world; the unique individual who could never be desirable if not slender because of the freakishly rare combination of height and girth. But even leaving that aside, what she's doing is demonstrating that she has first-hand, empirical evidence that the way she speaks of herself has an effect on the people around her, and her only response is to assure us well they ARE fat but I don't CARE. I only CARE about MYSELF. Which is the problem in the first place.
Also leave Godzilla alone she's beautiful.
"I only had a small slice of cake, so I must think they're disgusting gobblesome fatties for having larger pieces."
She does.
"I don't care, including in this case, where my friends eat unhealthily and don't typically walk any further than from the sofa to the fridge and back."
I hope the people to whom she refers above realize by now that she is NOT their friend!
"Just like my having short hair isn't an insult towards long hair, or having tattoos isn't an insult aimed at blank skin, my attempting to lose weight is not a criticism of anyone else's."
Here is the field-goal kicker - the analogy is dishonest. I doubt very much that her friends see her diet and lifestyle choices per se as critical. What they have called her out on is her CRITICISM. A true analogy would be to compare the way she TALKS about hair length and the presence of tattoos, and I don't believe that she describes short hair or tattoos as "naturally" preferable without qualifying it as her preference, and I don't believe that she tries to tell other people that they're suited to un-inked skin but it makes her look like a monster, and I don't believe that she says, "...and when I say 'long-haired,' I mean 'MORBIDLY OBESE.'"
There's a limit to the things you have to be happy for your friends for that aren't in line with your values. I for example don't think marriage or procreation are admirable or a good idea, but I am psyched for my friends who pursue them to be as happy as they expect to be. If I had a friend who was really elated because that Black family on their block was moving away soon and it would be more comfortable for them, I am not worried about being the killjoy when I am less than supportive! I see the latter as being more analogous to the practise of talking about bodies and food the way this woman does than the former is.
She can do whatever she wants with her body and it isn't a message to others. Her MESSAGES are a message to others, and she can pretty much shut up with them because they suck.