(no subject)
i am trying not call david, so i thought i would write in here a little bit ...
everyone seems to think it would be a good idea for me to just drop off the face of the earth for a few days and see how he responds ...
however, it is 8:16 p.m. and he has yet to call me ... but we did get in a fight last night about all this stuff so i'm sure he's not very happy with me at all ... not that that is my problem ... i shouldn't have to tiptoe around his insecurities
i want to pick up the phone and call him so badly right now ... and there is no one here to stop me except my hope that maybe he will see i am stronger than him ... that i can beat him at this fucked up game
i talked to his mom today ... she was very kind and sympathetic ... she was very surprised to hear about what was going on because david had obviously sugarcoated it when he told her about it ... anyway ... after talking to both her and lisa today, i realized that i am not crazy at all and that my devastated reaction to this is normal ... they both were very supportive and seem willing to try to help as much as they can with getting david to be sane again ...
i fear i am fighting a losing battle though ... i'm terrified of the future ... and the one person i could share that fear with the most may not want to be involved with me ever again ...
why did it have to be him? why did it have to be us???
i'm not sure i will ever get over this
everyone seems to think it would be a good idea for me to just drop off the face of the earth for a few days and see how he responds ...
however, it is 8:16 p.m. and he has yet to call me ... but we did get in a fight last night about all this stuff so i'm sure he's not very happy with me at all ... not that that is my problem ... i shouldn't have to tiptoe around his insecurities
i want to pick up the phone and call him so badly right now ... and there is no one here to stop me except my hope that maybe he will see i am stronger than him ... that i can beat him at this fucked up game
i talked to his mom today ... she was very kind and sympathetic ... she was very surprised to hear about what was going on because david had obviously sugarcoated it when he told her about it ... anyway ... after talking to both her and lisa today, i realized that i am not crazy at all and that my devastated reaction to this is normal ... they both were very supportive and seem willing to try to help as much as they can with getting david to be sane again ...
i fear i am fighting a losing battle though ... i'm terrified of the future ... and the one person i could share that fear with the most may not want to be involved with me ever again ...
why did it have to be him? why did it have to be us???
i'm not sure i will ever get over this