All that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now

[little_mo_626]

Okay so I've noticed that I've been kinda apathetic lately. Usually I get like that with school, but that's really probably the only thing I'm still really into. I dunno. Band is just frustrating. We only had practice twice this week (one concert, one marching) and I'm annoyed. Go ahead, tell me I'm not dedicated. But that's not the case. I still really love doing it...I do it all the time when I'm at home. I just can't deal with (those) people anymore. Not everyone though. It's just stupid because people either take it wayyy to seriously or just wanna bum around. Not much of a middleground, even though there should be. I know it's annoying when people talk, but it just gets sooo dramatic and it's overkill. I guess my biggest issue with the whole thing is that just because band isn't my entire life it's like, assumed that I don't care about it & I'm just there for the hell of it, which is completely false. I hate it most when people try to tell me how I feel. Especially people who have NOOOO flippin idea what I'm feeling or thinking. Just because I'm not obsessed with music doesn't mean I'm not passionate about it. It just means that I have other interests too. And stuff like music theory? THat's dull to me. I love to PLAY but as far as mental stuff goes I just don't like it, so I'm not gonna pretend like I do just do people will respect my playing & stuff. That's just gay. I don't care what other people think becuase I am confident in my feelings but it's just annoying to have to deal with that almost everytime we have a band "thing." And parades. I've honestly never really liked them, even when I was little & I watched them. I was telling someone (I think it was Bethany) the other day that the only parade I've ever been interested in was Macy's. Now I don't care about marching in them or anything. I don't mind the cold. I don't really get tired of marching, or playing. It's just that there is always drama. Like shifting. I'm gonna come out & say I don't give a damn about shifting. Never have. I don't think it's that big of a deal in all honesty. But apparently the only other people who like this are not around anymore, like Amanda Kay. (Another reason I miss her a ton.) Oh well I'm not getting into that any more. And then there's concert band, which I didn't even really wanna do in the first place. In all honesty I'm not sure why I am. Just for the music's sake I guess. Practice the other night wasn't bad musically. The song we got wasn't bad. It was actually kinda fun. I'm glad Bethany was there. After I left I had a nice rant to Markie about it so I let off some steam. The main reason I didn't thoroughly enjoy concert band was because of the afformentioned issue of people thinking they know stuff they don't. I think I might get a little bit of toleration for band back once basketball season starts...hopefully. I dunno why it's just always been so much more laid-back than other stuff (for good reason) so I don't feel like my entire like revolves around band. PLus, like I said in a recent entry Markie is doing it now so my best friend will be there to keep me sane. Yesss. And I'll have to start going to show choir soon. Oy ve. That won't be as bad but it's just so much to do. And so much music. Sorry but I don't have time to practice a million things every night. I concentrate on school first & if that means I'm not gonna practice tonight, guess what? I'm not practicing. I don't have a problem with playing it's just that it takes over my entire life sometimes, which isn't what I want.

On a slightly better note, I got a call from Mount Vernon a couple nights ago. And I got an invitation from D.C. to attend a youth leadership conference in Washington. I'll get to work with governmental people & maybe even meet GEORGE!!!!!!! I would DIE. It's all really cool. And they have a forensics part too and not only do you learn about it you get to take part in simulations & stuff. w00t. That would be a dream. :) I'm really happy because school is going really well still. It's getting better all the time actually! And I don't despise chem anymore. I dunno why I just decided that sitting in class yesterday lol. I have problems with how Mrs. Duck teaches, but I'm just gonna try to figure myself out.

If you ended up reading this whole entry, good job. You officially have no life. lol. j/k smile :)