So I saw him...
I had to face my fears at some point and I did. At least this one I knew I would see unlike my dear legendary.
So how did it feel seeing him…honestly it felt fine something I didn’t expect I think after seeing my legendary everything just seem different. With this one I didn’t really get all emotional steady lang ba. (my love died a natural death) I can only be thankful because for sometime the whole situation made me feel so miserable in so many ways. The situation defined uncertainty to me. A thought of making amends came across my head maybe because I felt that I also didn’t make it easier for him to do the right thing. I was contemplating about this for the past few days thinking of the things to say. A part of me feels that it’s not necessary since well he was an @$% but then I did my fair share of mistakes things I justified in so many ways. Maybe I more afraid of what he would think if I did. But when I think about it it’s not entirely just for him. It’s for my own peace my own way of leaving the past behind not that I haven’t. I’m not afraid of saying sorry to him I guess I’m more afraid of someone who can in so many ways f*ck with your head and heart. With him I just followed my heart without reason I broke my own rules selflessly I loved. Don’t get me wrong I have no regrets love is always a privilege. The experience made me compromise so much for something so little. Again if uncertainty can be defined the whole situation defined it perfectly. But to my satisfaction knowing that I loved and have tried to have what I wanted was enough. At the end of it all the experience didn’t really make me feel less of a person only more. I choose to love knowing I might not be loved in return; I choose to give without expectation. The situation humbled me and allowed me to see life and love in a different perspective. Because that experience thought me so much about myself that I may have never learned if I didn’t follow my heart. Now I can only be happy for him and hope that we will do things right for the one he has in his arms.
It’s odd after everything I really never hated this person. With the definition of uncertainty I was also thought more about compassion and unconditional. Things not everyone has a chance to learn. Now I’m not really as scared as I used to when it comes to love I’m just waiting for the right time and the right person to come along at least I know I’m not scared to fall again but since I also decided to put love aside for my little art place I’m just focusing on this one first. If it’s meant to be it will happen whether now or then. For now let me just make the most of it…make the most of the opportunities that come my way and in a way make that difference.
So how did it feel seeing him…honestly it felt fine something I didn’t expect I think after seeing my legendary everything just seem different. With this one I didn’t really get all emotional steady lang ba. (my love died a natural death) I can only be thankful because for sometime the whole situation made me feel so miserable in so many ways. The situation defined uncertainty to me. A thought of making amends came across my head maybe because I felt that I also didn’t make it easier for him to do the right thing. I was contemplating about this for the past few days thinking of the things to say. A part of me feels that it’s not necessary since well he was an @$% but then I did my fair share of mistakes things I justified in so many ways. Maybe I more afraid of what he would think if I did. But when I think about it it’s not entirely just for him. It’s for my own peace my own way of leaving the past behind not that I haven’t. I’m not afraid of saying sorry to him I guess I’m more afraid of someone who can in so many ways f*ck with your head and heart. With him I just followed my heart without reason I broke my own rules selflessly I loved. Don’t get me wrong I have no regrets love is always a privilege. The experience made me compromise so much for something so little. Again if uncertainty can be defined the whole situation defined it perfectly. But to my satisfaction knowing that I loved and have tried to have what I wanted was enough. At the end of it all the experience didn’t really make me feel less of a person only more. I choose to love knowing I might not be loved in return; I choose to give without expectation. The situation humbled me and allowed me to see life and love in a different perspective. Because that experience thought me so much about myself that I may have never learned if I didn’t follow my heart. Now I can only be happy for him and hope that we will do things right for the one he has in his arms.
It’s odd after everything I really never hated this person. With the definition of uncertainty I was also thought more about compassion and unconditional. Things not everyone has a chance to learn. Now I’m not really as scared as I used to when it comes to love I’m just waiting for the right time and the right person to come along at least I know I’m not scared to fall again but since I also decided to put love aside for my little art place I’m just focusing on this one first. If it’s meant to be it will happen whether now or then. For now let me just make the most of it…make the most of the opportunities that come my way and in a way make that difference.