That unexpected blast from the past...my legendary!
The letter I’ve always wanted to send…
The other night I didn’t expect to see him…for years I’ve been wanting to make amends with a person that I loved so much in the past someone I’ve done foolish things to when we parted things that would probably… okay I told on the person things that his parent shouldn’t have known and the parents of his best friend shouldn’t have know. I betrayed him because I was so bitter, hurt, and angry. I was so angry back then that I wanted the person to feel exactly how I was feeling and I just knew how to hit him where it will hurt him most and if there was something I can change and that I really regret it was that. Because I consciously wanted to hurt him because he hurt me and truthfully I still loved him so much at that time hurting him hurt me even more so I really wouldn’t suggest getting even well that’s for me. I’ve managed to love so much and feel the same amount of hate for him. I hated those times because the feeling really sucked even when most of my girlfriends would say he just deserved it because he hurt me. At that time a part of me felt he did and the other felt he didn’t coz why would you want the person you love then feel the same amount of pain and hurt your going through. Oh dear Lord I’d rather take all the pain than know the people I love and care for will go through that kind of pain.
Seeing him somehow caught me of guard and made me feel sad and depressed something I’ve not been feeling for months now…from the time we broke up I would find myself sad and crying over him the last time was 2006 I cried as if I lost him just a day before. I guess the pain I felt back then was way beyond what I expected of pain. I never felt as much hurt. With him I already felt contented the relationship wasn’t perfect but I didn’t want anyone else. I was young and didn’t really know better…how I could have handled the situation better. Well as if that has changed when it comes to affairs of the heart I really wouldn’t know how to handle it I get lost.
I am relieved that when we saw each other he didn’t go shouting at me or anything like that we actually had some catch up asking how has life been. He said that was a long time ago which is so true but I’ve been caring that burden for years too since I’ve been wanting to say sorry to him just didn’t find the right time and I said to myself only when I’m really ready. That night I wasn’t really ready but I just did since I felt I was given the chance to coz I’ve manage for years to make sure I wouldn’t bump into the person since my heart wasn’t ready to. Don’t get me wrong it’s not as if I want the person it’s just that things ended nasty and it wasn’t easy for me to let go of everything.
So finally sent the person a letter thanking him for allowing me to make amends with him and at the same time I said the things I’ve wanted to say for so long. I don’t expect us to be friends I only hoped for his forgiveness. I wanted revenge back then for the pain he has caused me and that was what bothered me that I intentionally hurt him and God knows everyday I was sorry for that because I genuinely cared and loved that person.
I still have much to say but I’m really sleepy since I went for a day trip to the beach that was really fun at the same time tiring for so many reasons that I will just share when I continue the things I wanted to write and when I post the pictures we took from that trip as for now I need to sleep to wake up early again to a company my friends from India.
No proof reading again…too tired.
The other night I didn’t expect to see him…for years I’ve been wanting to make amends with a person that I loved so much in the past someone I’ve done foolish things to when we parted things that would probably… okay I told on the person things that his parent shouldn’t have known and the parents of his best friend shouldn’t have know. I betrayed him because I was so bitter, hurt, and angry. I was so angry back then that I wanted the person to feel exactly how I was feeling and I just knew how to hit him where it will hurt him most and if there was something I can change and that I really regret it was that. Because I consciously wanted to hurt him because he hurt me and truthfully I still loved him so much at that time hurting him hurt me even more so I really wouldn’t suggest getting even well that’s for me. I’ve managed to love so much and feel the same amount of hate for him. I hated those times because the feeling really sucked even when most of my girlfriends would say he just deserved it because he hurt me. At that time a part of me felt he did and the other felt he didn’t coz why would you want the person you love then feel the same amount of pain and hurt your going through. Oh dear Lord I’d rather take all the pain than know the people I love and care for will go through that kind of pain.
Seeing him somehow caught me of guard and made me feel sad and depressed something I’ve not been feeling for months now…from the time we broke up I would find myself sad and crying over him the last time was 2006 I cried as if I lost him just a day before. I guess the pain I felt back then was way beyond what I expected of pain. I never felt as much hurt. With him I already felt contented the relationship wasn’t perfect but I didn’t want anyone else. I was young and didn’t really know better…how I could have handled the situation better. Well as if that has changed when it comes to affairs of the heart I really wouldn’t know how to handle it I get lost.
I am relieved that when we saw each other he didn’t go shouting at me or anything like that we actually had some catch up asking how has life been. He said that was a long time ago which is so true but I’ve been caring that burden for years too since I’ve been wanting to say sorry to him just didn’t find the right time and I said to myself only when I’m really ready. That night I wasn’t really ready but I just did since I felt I was given the chance to coz I’ve manage for years to make sure I wouldn’t bump into the person since my heart wasn’t ready to. Don’t get me wrong it’s not as if I want the person it’s just that things ended nasty and it wasn’t easy for me to let go of everything.
So finally sent the person a letter thanking him for allowing me to make amends with him and at the same time I said the things I’ve wanted to say for so long. I don’t expect us to be friends I only hoped for his forgiveness. I wanted revenge back then for the pain he has caused me and that was what bothered me that I intentionally hurt him and God knows everyday I was sorry for that because I genuinely cared and loved that person.
I still have much to say but I’m really sleepy since I went for a day trip to the beach that was really fun at the same time tiring for so many reasons that I will just share when I continue the things I wanted to write and when I post the pictures we took from that trip as for now I need to sleep to wake up early again to a company my friends from India.
No proof reading again…too tired.