variousness hilariousness
What a beautiful human being. TAKE ME AWAY TO YOUR SECRET ISLAND CASTLE, DAVID WRIGHT. I KNOW YOU BUILT ONE WHILE YOU WERE ON THE DL. WE CAN HAVE MAI-TAIS AND HINT-OF-LIME CHIPS, AND WORK ON OUR TANS LIKE CHAMPIONS. UNLESS OF COURSE, THE DL IS ACTUALLY WHAT I KEEP JOKING ABOUT, IN WHICH CASE YOU'D BETTER BRING YOUR SEXUAL PARTNERS. Sorry, that was not the term I needed, but the rest are too insulting to think about. MAYBE JUST RYAN CHURCH!
What a cutie. He has a certain dumpy charm, right? Like you could both drink beer, and eat Hint-of-Lime chips, and maybe refinish a bookshelf or something, on the weekend. I am bummed that I have no newer pictures, after the Mets-Braves trade, but whatever, that's mostly valuable just for Churchy-face and the Mets starting shit about, who, precisely, concussed whom.
Not, of course, as cute at David Wright in his new, anti-concussion helmet. Ahaha, someone on Deadspin said, "I never thought I'd say this, but Jeff Francoeur has a point." It looks D-U-M, dumb. But it will protect his brains! (Jeff Francoeur, my homeboy, does not have any that need protecting, obvs.)
Ugh, okay. This will maaaaaybe make sense to two of you, but I am silly and also upset. Paul Kelly was fired as the executive director of the NHLPA.
NHLPA fires executive director Kelly; petty or precautionary? This is either good or bad! I have no real opinion about it yet, because I was away all last week, and have not caught up on everything yet. I do have an opinion about some of it, though! What a surprise! Because everyone (for values of "everyone" that include "THNm, and the rest of the hockey media") has been saying that it is ALL Eric Lindros' fault. And okay. I perhaps love Eric Lindros. I KNOW I KNOW. It's just that he was my very very first famous-person crush, and it was the mid-90s and taste is sometimes inexplicable.
Verrrrry inexplicable.
He's um, really handsome, isn't he? I am actually kinda proud of this crush, now. Wow. WHAT GREAT TASTE I HAVE. We could totes snack on those Hint-of-Lime chips, together. Man, that would be epic. And I could try and convince him that the baby mullet he is currently rocking is not, actually, that rocking, and he would totes agree and look really cute despite it, because sometimes looking weird is okay! And then we would high-five, and eat more chips.
Anyway, he is also really concussed. And yes, I know that baseball and hockey are different (wait no really, the field is not just novelty-coloured and poorly-surfaced ice!) but I cannot but help think that my crush, which has recently come barreling back into existence, would be so helped by this helmet. And not just because I love dumb hats, although I do! Like, can you imagine if Lindros' brain were more complete? What a thought! I mean, everyone else would still hate him, but, seriously. He could probably learn how to read! We could talk about books then, too! And perhaps Kelly's firing would not be his whole entire fault? No, it would be everyone's: Players unions comes up one skate short
And now, for my next trick, errands. Laaaaame. And visa, which, ohmygosh, even laaaaaaaamer.
ETA, 13:07: GLORY BE. Visa has finally been applied for. GLORY BE.