(no subject)
It's strange to me how you can revisit someplace, a space not even necessarily "real", and immediately feel at home again.
Over the past 5+ years, I've had other journals. Most of them since abandoned or deleted because I can't settle in. I think I left this one behind because there was just too much here I was trying to get away from. I did the same with my other livejournal; it's time had come & gone, I did what I did then in my real world...walked away from it, pretended it never happened.
A lot has changed & I like that I came back here to visit & can see the bullshit I left behind has stayed behind. I can see how I've grown-and stayed so much the same. It's amazing what a few years can do for a girl. I feel like somewhere in my 30's I became a woman & left that confused, damaged girl behind. She comes around now & then, but she never really stays long.
I'm toying with the idea of coming back here. I can't settle into my wordpress, no matter how much I try. I don't know what it is. I'm sure it has a lot to do with Aaron's ex wife & her psychotic bullshit (that we've been so grateful for the absence of...) over the last year. I've never had someone do things like she did & when she found my wordpress, she humiliated me & made light of some things that were extremely personal to me. That woman terrifies me. Not in a physical way-we all know I'd mop up the walls & the floor with her face if I were so inclined & not an adult anymore...but in a very cerebral & emotional way. She's sick. I want to avoid confrontation, interaction, & anything to do with her. We have a beautiful life-my first relationship without absurdly blatant dysfunction-and I want to keep it that way.
I feel like livejournal is sort of an abandoned oasis...no one comes around much these days. It might be a great place to be anonymous again.
Over the past 5+ years, I've had other journals. Most of them since abandoned or deleted because I can't settle in. I think I left this one behind because there was just too much here I was trying to get away from. I did the same with my other livejournal; it's time had come & gone, I did what I did then in my real world...walked away from it, pretended it never happened.
A lot has changed & I like that I came back here to visit & can see the bullshit I left behind has stayed behind. I can see how I've grown-and stayed so much the same. It's amazing what a few years can do for a girl. I feel like somewhere in my 30's I became a woman & left that confused, damaged girl behind. She comes around now & then, but she never really stays long.
I'm toying with the idea of coming back here. I can't settle into my wordpress, no matter how much I try. I don't know what it is. I'm sure it has a lot to do with Aaron's ex wife & her psychotic bullshit (that we've been so grateful for the absence of...) over the last year. I've never had someone do things like she did & when she found my wordpress, she humiliated me & made light of some things that were extremely personal to me. That woman terrifies me. Not in a physical way-we all know I'd mop up the walls & the floor with her face if I were so inclined & not an adult anymore...but in a very cerebral & emotional way. She's sick. I want to avoid confrontation, interaction, & anything to do with her. We have a beautiful life-my first relationship without absurdly blatant dysfunction-and I want to keep it that way.
I feel like livejournal is sort of an abandoned oasis...no one comes around much these days. It might be a great place to be anonymous again.