(no subject)
I started writing a House review last Tuesday morning for the first time in ages. I didn't get to finish it and now I'm sure as hell not going to but I'm posting it because it's a shame for it to go to waste, I guess.
[review]
I remember back before I was appointed owner of house_cuddy, I used to make running commentary posts for each episode in my journal here. It drew a lot of people who said they always loved it and I feel really bad that I stopped doing that. I guess just now, the lines I would have left in a post of my own, I now feel comfortable and encouraged to leave on house_cuddy. I also feel bad that I've sort of strayed from talking about House here in general lately - I have been busy but more than that, I've had a hard time igniting the same passion for the show I once did, given the huge letdown that was Bombshells and the subsequent fall-out/assholeishness of TPTB. It certainly didn't help that their writing slipped either, in the form of sending House down New Jersey streets in a goddamn monster truck, to give just one example.
However. Both last week and last night, I caught myself frozen with my hand over my face for minutes after the episode ended. Paralyzed, and feeling that familiar burn of "I NEED TO GET THE FUCK ON THE INTERNET AND TALK ABOUT THIS". I have missed that a lot and I'm glad that I even feel compelled to write this right now. There's been a hole as of late and it may be starting to fill. I hate to put too much weight on the finale but the future of that hole sort of depends on it.
Anyway - After Hours & thoughts for the future, in no particular order:
o1. I loved the Chase/Thirteen stuff, the fight especially. It was nice to see Chase be such a badass and it was awesome to see Thirteen take it. Not because I hate her or anything, but because I think she respects people who can stand up to her, much like House (I also enjoy that a woman can handle herself as an equal and not be all "omg a man pushed and beat me!!"). I've been frustrated lately because her Huntington's seems to have gotten "better" (i.e. physical signs non-existent), when before they made her hands shake and drop things. Now that I know they have one season left, I feel like they're going to miss opportunities to show really unsettling stuff.
o2. House's self surgery made me physically uneasy - sped my heart rate, turned my arms to rubber and choked my throat. Imagine what that must take. I felt so bad for him, I've missed feeling bad for him and I haven't lately. House has always been an asshole, but he's always been an asshole who redeemed himself, an asshole who would do something secretly compassionate and sacrificial that'd twist your heart and make you feel like the asshole. I appreciate his confidence but it makes me sad that he felt like he had to do it himself. Or maybe he wanted to, I don't know.
o3. Maybe I'm just stupid/forgetting something, but how did Cuddy know about the rat poison treatment? No seriously, I don't remember and I can't check right now, but right when she said that I immediately said "how the fuck does she even know that". Think of how much more powerful it would have been to have her walk into that bathroom and have no IDEA *why* the fuck he was even cutting into his leg. Imagine her genuine reaction, her horror, her string of 500 thoughts that would go through her head in 0.2 seconds - I'm pissed we didn't see that. Instead, we saw a callous woman who talked too much before taking any action. I kind of found it out of character but to be honest, I don't know what "in character" even is anymore so I might be wrong. I imagine that if the Cuddy I know walked in a room to see that, she'd jump to her regular life-saving mode (think Three Stories or the end of House's Head) and save her chastising for a time when a man she has 20+ years of tumultuous history with wasn't bleeding out into his fucking bathtub. But maybe that's just me.
o4. Rachel. I'll be honest, the concept of Rachel annoys me. The little actresses are wonderful and I'm glad to see Cuddy as a mother when she's wanted it for so long, but I think it grounds her in a way that selfishly detracts from the once-in-a-lifetime cosmic bang that is House/Cuddy. Rachel grounds her too much and spoils the tense, impassioned-youthlike quality that drew me to the ship in the first place. Think of how much more raw Cuddy could be if she didn't have a kid. This is not me saying that I'm against children or think any less of the women who have them. I just feel that with Cuddy, it's forcing her to be too responsible in a relationship where irresponsibility and giving in to passion and emotion were paramount. I just rea|
...And now the show is awful and I don't care enough to finish.
[/review]
Last Tuesday was awful. It was traumatic and stressful and I wasted so much time. I was so stressed out and already wanting to cry, okay, and then I picked up my phone to see ten texts. (If you listened to my voice post, you heard all of this already) I thought that someone was tweeting me something really long, or that something happened. Yeah, Lisa's leaving, and I burst into tears in less than a second. I had to ask the woman at the front desk where the bathroom was - this office was foreign and I didn't know. I called people, it echoed in there and I didn't feel comfortable talking. I felt so alone, I kept honestly expecting to wake up. It was the closest to Hell I've felt in recent memory, dealing with menial tasks already set me at my breaking point, and then this happens and the thought of me being stuck there for two more hours, unable to do anything about it, even just check the internet or be on my own computer or cry properly, was beyond awful.
4:30 took forever to roll around. When it did, I was ready to go out the door. Except this woman pulled me into a debate about why I should use Excel over Illustrator to create a MODEL OF A BUILDING. EXCUSE ME, WHAT WORLD DO YOU LIVE IN WHERE EXCEL IS BETTER FOR CREATING IMAGES. It was torture, god, ten minutes, I am done ten minutes ago and this is the most pointless argument I've ever had and you're wrong. You are wrong. "Okay, well thank you so much for your help today! I'll tell them that you'll have to come back again since we didn't finish everything! :) :)" God, more internal tears.
I finally managed to get the fuck out of the office, but got lost in the plaza. The elevator system is abysmally fucked, or at least it was to me at that moment. I finally found the ones that took me to the parking garage and it occurred to me that I paid absolutely no conscious mind to where I parked that morning. I didn't even know what button to press. I cried in the elevator, not even really giving a shit that I was completely lost. I tried level C, not it, found my car on level D. Sat there for ages. Cried at the stress of everything.
The only bright spot was that I realized how amazing my boyfriend is. The fact that I felt comfortable calling him immediately is a huge testament to how supportive he is - I can't imagine calling any of my other boyfriends and crying about Cuddy leaving. "Do you want to me to come see you? Or do you want to be alone?" he asked. "I really want a hug," I said. He offered to meet me right then for drinks before he had to go coach, and told me he had the longest hug ever waiting for me. And he did. He hugged me for ages in the middle of Don Pablo's and didn't say a thing except "I'm so sorry", over and over again, petting my hair as I sobbed make-up into his shirt. He showed up having read all of the articles and information, even Lisa's twitter, of his own volition/instinct when I never even asked him to. He ordered me a margarita, pulled up her twitter on his iPhone and told me I looked really pretty today. I gave a sarcastic laugh because god, fucked hair and make-up everywhere, and he shyly said, "No, you do." I whined and bitched, he was never judgmental or dismissive. Constantly supportive and genuinely empathetic. "There's a bright side - now you can write a show for her. Think about that." And then he spent a large chunk of his weekend helping me make a website about it, even when he had his own shit to do.
We were going to go across the street, to the restaurant with the best mashed potatoes ever but we got distracted. Mattress shopping. It reminded me of Wilson and Amber for a second, and I missed her so much too. It bothers me how threatened some parts of the world are by strong, opinionated woman. These exact same people would be lauded if only they had dicks. We found a mattress we both liked, I'm not sure if hes even going to buy it but it was a helpful and unique distraction.
He had to go to work by that point, so I said I'd just get food on my own, it wasn't a big deal. When I was leaving the restaurant, some short man made a huge deal of holding the door open and yelling, "I hold open doors! I am such a gentleman!" Proclaiming that personality trait negates it, sry2say. And I hate when men open doors because they think it puts them one step closer to getting some. Make an effort. I pulled out of the parking lot and stopped at the edge to wait for a passing car, when the busboy from the restaurant knocked on my window. I rolled it down and he was like, "You left this at the counter!" and handed me a $10 bill. It just made me so happy that he chased me to the intersection to give it back. It reminded me that there were still nice things in the world.
[review]
I remember back before I was appointed owner of house_cuddy, I used to make running commentary posts for each episode in my journal here. It drew a lot of people who said they always loved it and I feel really bad that I stopped doing that. I guess just now, the lines I would have left in a post of my own, I now feel comfortable and encouraged to leave on house_cuddy. I also feel bad that I've sort of strayed from talking about House here in general lately - I have been busy but more than that, I've had a hard time igniting the same passion for the show I once did, given the huge letdown that was Bombshells and the subsequent fall-out/assholeishness of TPTB. It certainly didn't help that their writing slipped either, in the form of sending House down New Jersey streets in a goddamn monster truck, to give just one example.
However. Both last week and last night, I caught myself frozen with my hand over my face for minutes after the episode ended. Paralyzed, and feeling that familiar burn of "I NEED TO GET THE FUCK ON THE INTERNET AND TALK ABOUT THIS". I have missed that a lot and I'm glad that I even feel compelled to write this right now. There's been a hole as of late and it may be starting to fill. I hate to put too much weight on the finale but the future of that hole sort of depends on it.
Anyway - After Hours & thoughts for the future, in no particular order:
o1. I loved the Chase/Thirteen stuff, the fight especially. It was nice to see Chase be such a badass and it was awesome to see Thirteen take it. Not because I hate her or anything, but because I think she respects people who can stand up to her, much like House (I also enjoy that a woman can handle herself as an equal and not be all "omg a man pushed and beat me!!"). I've been frustrated lately because her Huntington's seems to have gotten "better" (i.e. physical signs non-existent), when before they made her hands shake and drop things. Now that I know they have one season left, I feel like they're going to miss opportunities to show really unsettling stuff.
o2. House's self surgery made me physically uneasy - sped my heart rate, turned my arms to rubber and choked my throat. Imagine what that must take. I felt so bad for him, I've missed feeling bad for him and I haven't lately. House has always been an asshole, but he's always been an asshole who redeemed himself, an asshole who would do something secretly compassionate and sacrificial that'd twist your heart and make you feel like the asshole. I appreciate his confidence but it makes me sad that he felt like he had to do it himself. Or maybe he wanted to, I don't know.
o3. Maybe I'm just stupid/forgetting something, but how did Cuddy know about the rat poison treatment? No seriously, I don't remember and I can't check right now, but right when she said that I immediately said "how the fuck does she even know that". Think of how much more powerful it would have been to have her walk into that bathroom and have no IDEA *why* the fuck he was even cutting into his leg. Imagine her genuine reaction, her horror, her string of 500 thoughts that would go through her head in 0.2 seconds - I'm pissed we didn't see that. Instead, we saw a callous woman who talked too much before taking any action. I kind of found it out of character but to be honest, I don't know what "in character" even is anymore so I might be wrong. I imagine that if the Cuddy I know walked in a room to see that, she'd jump to her regular life-saving mode (think Three Stories or the end of House's Head) and save her chastising for a time when a man she has 20+ years of tumultuous history with wasn't bleeding out into his fucking bathtub. But maybe that's just me.
o4. Rachel. I'll be honest, the concept of Rachel annoys me. The little actresses are wonderful and I'm glad to see Cuddy as a mother when she's wanted it for so long, but I think it grounds her in a way that selfishly detracts from the once-in-a-lifetime cosmic bang that is House/Cuddy. Rachel grounds her too much and spoils the tense, impassioned-youthlike quality that drew me to the ship in the first place. Think of how much more raw Cuddy could be if she didn't have a kid. This is not me saying that I'm against children or think any less of the women who have them. I just feel that with Cuddy, it's forcing her to be too responsible in a relationship where irresponsibility and giving in to passion and emotion were paramount. I just rea|
...And now the show is awful and I don't care enough to finish.
[/review]
Last Tuesday was awful. It was traumatic and stressful and I wasted so much time. I was so stressed out and already wanting to cry, okay, and then I picked up my phone to see ten texts. (If you listened to my voice post, you heard all of this already) I thought that someone was tweeting me something really long, or that something happened. Yeah, Lisa's leaving, and I burst into tears in less than a second. I had to ask the woman at the front desk where the bathroom was - this office was foreign and I didn't know. I called people, it echoed in there and I didn't feel comfortable talking. I felt so alone, I kept honestly expecting to wake up. It was the closest to Hell I've felt in recent memory, dealing with menial tasks already set me at my breaking point, and then this happens and the thought of me being stuck there for two more hours, unable to do anything about it, even just check the internet or be on my own computer or cry properly, was beyond awful.
4:30 took forever to roll around. When it did, I was ready to go out the door. Except this woman pulled me into a debate about why I should use Excel over Illustrator to create a MODEL OF A BUILDING. EXCUSE ME, WHAT WORLD DO YOU LIVE IN WHERE EXCEL IS BETTER FOR CREATING IMAGES. It was torture, god, ten minutes, I am done ten minutes ago and this is the most pointless argument I've ever had and you're wrong. You are wrong. "Okay, well thank you so much for your help today! I'll tell them that you'll have to come back again since we didn't finish everything! :) :)" God, more internal tears.
I finally managed to get the fuck out of the office, but got lost in the plaza. The elevator system is abysmally fucked, or at least it was to me at that moment. I finally found the ones that took me to the parking garage and it occurred to me that I paid absolutely no conscious mind to where I parked that morning. I didn't even know what button to press. I cried in the elevator, not even really giving a shit that I was completely lost. I tried level C, not it, found my car on level D. Sat there for ages. Cried at the stress of everything.
The only bright spot was that I realized how amazing my boyfriend is. The fact that I felt comfortable calling him immediately is a huge testament to how supportive he is - I can't imagine calling any of my other boyfriends and crying about Cuddy leaving. "Do you want to me to come see you? Or do you want to be alone?" he asked. "I really want a hug," I said. He offered to meet me right then for drinks before he had to go coach, and told me he had the longest hug ever waiting for me. And he did. He hugged me for ages in the middle of Don Pablo's and didn't say a thing except "I'm so sorry", over and over again, petting my hair as I sobbed make-up into his shirt. He showed up having read all of the articles and information, even Lisa's twitter, of his own volition/instinct when I never even asked him to. He ordered me a margarita, pulled up her twitter on his iPhone and told me I looked really pretty today. I gave a sarcastic laugh because god, fucked hair and make-up everywhere, and he shyly said, "No, you do." I whined and bitched, he was never judgmental or dismissive. Constantly supportive and genuinely empathetic. "There's a bright side - now you can write a show for her. Think about that." And then he spent a large chunk of his weekend helping me make a website about it, even when he had his own shit to do.
We were going to go across the street, to the restaurant with the best mashed potatoes ever but we got distracted. Mattress shopping. It reminded me of Wilson and Amber for a second, and I missed her so much too. It bothers me how threatened some parts of the world are by strong, opinionated woman. These exact same people would be lauded if only they had dicks. We found a mattress we both liked, I'm not sure if hes even going to buy it but it was a helpful and unique distraction.
He had to go to work by that point, so I said I'd just get food on my own, it wasn't a big deal. When I was leaving the restaurant, some short man made a huge deal of holding the door open and yelling, "I hold open doors! I am such a gentleman!" Proclaiming that personality trait negates it, sry2say. And I hate when men open doors because they think it puts them one step closer to getting some. Make an effort. I pulled out of the parking lot and stopped at the edge to wait for a passing car, when the busboy from the restaurant knocked on my window. I rolled it down and he was like, "You left this at the counter!" and handed me a $10 bill. It just made me so happy that he chased me to the intersection to give it back. It reminded me that there were still nice things in the world.