obligatory "paula's leaving idol *cries*" post you all saw coming

Aug 06, 2009 16:59

"Straight up now tell me are you really gonna leave AI forever?" sang our local news anchor last night.


I got a text at my birthday dinner and saw it was Paula's Twitter, I read it and started to tear up so I got up and left without telling anyone what the issue was. My mom came to the bathroom with me and I had a fucking breakdown. I ending up sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor of the fucking Hard Rock Cafe bathroom and god it was the shittiest thing to hear on my birthday, seriously. A minute after we got back, Coley was like, "Is that really why you're upset?" and I was like, "What." and she was like, "Paula?" I asked her how she knew and she said my mom told her and I expected everyone to laugh or be assholes or say I was a freak for letting it make me cry, but she just got up and hugged me and said it was adorable because it was such a Liss thing to be upset over. So of course then everyone else knew too and they were unexpectedly nice about it. They asked me if I was okay and I was like, "No, but it's just an excuse to drink more, right? HA :)" So I played it off as well as I could have for being in public, but if I'd have had my way, I'd have heard the news on a day when I could just stay in my room and cry and be depressed about it. Because I didn't HAVE that time, I don't know if it's fully sunk in yet. But what of it HAS sunk in is absolutely devastating.

Thanks to the several of you who sent texts my way asking if I was okay that night, I really appreciated that. ♥ And for all of you who have run into my comments places and said you thought of me right away and felt bad, that means a lot.

I went to get a sandwich just now and heard "Something To Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt on the radio and it hit me in the gut in such an unexpected and stupid way, because that was everybody's huge Simon/Paula song, I think it probably spawned the most fanvideos to a single song for a single ship of all time, and I just associated it with them hardcore. Except there isn't a "them" anymore, which, being first and foremost a hardcore Paula fan, I hadn't even really thought about yet. Half of my fucking ship is leaving, as well. I cannot even IMAGINE judges comments without that banter and UST. I seriously cannot. And if Kara starts flirting it up with Simon, or vice versa, I don't even know how I will react, seriously. I don't want to even watch the show but I probably will just to prove to myself that it sucks without her, I feel like I need that validation or something.

I'm proud of her for standing up for herself, but at the same time, if I were her, I feel like I would have stayed on the show anyway? Like yeah, I definitely would have tried for more money, but when I didn't get it, I feel like I'd stay anyway just for the sheer love of it, the publicity that it brings me that will no doubt help me tremendously on my other endeavors (i.e. my new music, my jewelry, my autobiography that was supposed to be out like two years ago, my perfume line that was also supposed to be out a long ass time ago, etc), and for the fact of being needed. I'd know that those kids need me. To be there and be encouraging and to be that person who will fight for them and believe in them when no one else will. I mean, are those things not salary enough? Because they would be for me, but whatever. So I'm kind of conflicted on her reasons for leaving, but whatever, it's her life. Or maybe I'm just being selfish. Maybe I'm just selfishly wanting to see her twice a week and have that consistency and stability of just knowing that she'll be there. I guess all I can do is be happy that there was always a place that her fans could go if they wanted to meet her, and that I got to be one of them before she left. I will never forget how sweet she was to me, how angelic she looked in absolutely everything she did, every move she made, and the comfort I felt from her.

The bright spot of this is that Nigel Lythgoe really, really wants her as a guest judge and choreographer on So You Think You Can Dance. Which would fucking thrill me because I've always felt that she'd be a better fit for that show anyway, since her dancing and her dance background has always been MILES ahead of her singing, ngl. And she's a completely different judge when it comes to dance. You can tell she's more comfortable, she's more serious, she puts up with less shit, and she flat out just demands more ("Be dangerous, COME ON"; ""Since I don't have much to say, that means I'm going to challenge you to do MORE"). She's not afraid to give tough love and she's not afraid to push people. I think she'd be more respected as a SYTYCD judge than an Idol one, and I think it could be a really good opportunity for her. Please, please fucking take it.

ALSO. WHERE THE FUCK IS SIMON? I was under the impression (probably because he's said on several occasions) that he'd never do the show without Paula? I believe it was a "if she goes, I go" sort of thing, so... Like, he's got buckets and buckets of power here, I don't get why he's not like, making this happen, or giving her as much $ as Seacrest or whatever the fucking issue is.

I AM SO SAD. And fucking angry, to be frank. Angry at so many people and things. As if you can't just pay her what she wants. As if you can't understand that she's an integral part of your show. As if times a million. I'm tired of people not treating her like the gift that she is. I'm going to go edit my feelings. I have a picspam for later, too. Don't expect me to get over this any time soon. :( :( :(

USEFUL ARTICLES
Paula Abdul Appreciation Post @ ontd_ai
10 Reasons AI Will Suck Without Paula
Abdul Talk Dominates SYTYCD Panel
Reactions from Idol people

picture, site - twitter, people are fucking idiots, liss cries in public, tv - ai, real-life friends, star - paula abdul, ship - saula, tv - sytycd

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