the storm is coming, i dont mind, people are dying, i close my blinds.
You guys, I cannot even REMEMBER the last time I've been this upset and fucking angry. My mother. I don't care how rich and/or awesome this guy is, no amount of money is worth how I feel right now, no amount of money is worth this pain, this sadness, this fear. You committed to my health before you committed to him and I'm so sick of being walked all over right now. By my own mother. Because of a surgery she forced me to have. One that she said she was prepared to deal with.
Randy and I were waking up at about noon and my phone went off. It was her, asking me if we were up and to call her. So I did, and okay, let me just remind you that she technically should have changed it really early this morning. But she decided she ~had to stay over at David's~. So I call her like she asks and she tells me that she'll be home at 2:30 to deal with it. So idk, we've got a couple of hours yet so he mentions lunch briefly but we fuck around and waste time and then I think I'm not even going to have time for lunch anymore because I have to be home at 2:30 and I know if she's there then and I'm not, she's going to blow a fucking nut. But I don't rush us because I know, I KNOW she's going to push back the time, like she always does. And of course, today is no different. I get a new text - she says she'll be here between 3:30 and 4 now. And for the first time in my life, I'm actually grateful for this, because now we DO have time to go to lunch. We shower and go, and the whole time at the restaurant I'm freaking out that it will take too long or that I won't get back in time. I left his house at 3:30, so I'm already prepared to get fucking yelled at if she happens to be on time for once. If I ever keep her waiting for even a second, I get lashed out at so badly. I didn't want to leave him, I really didn't, he's so intelligent and witty and he's got the most beautiful eyelashes I've ever seen on a man and I didn't fucking want to go, okay. But I did without even a thought because I know my health is more important, and I know he'll still be here tomorrow.
I'm just pulling into my street when I get another text from her - "We'll be there at 4:40". MY GOD, STOP! It's like I can never even fucking believe a word she says anymore because the next hour, it's something completely different. Her numbers have absolutely no fucking value to me. And I was too far to turn around and I just burst into tears because honestly, I feel so unimportant to her. This is why I hate when she dates. Not because she's not home all the time, not because even when she IS home, she's on the phone - no, none of that. It's because she thinks she has a right to treat us like shit. And lie. And change our plans and our lives and expect us to just "deal with it". I texted her back and said, "Great, thanks, I already left. How does this always happen, what are you doing". Is this not a legit set of questions right about now? I feel like I deserve, at the VERY least, some fucking answers, not to mention the smidgen of respect that comes with giving them to somebody who should be somewhat important to you. Oh no, not at all. She's in a relationship ~with a guy~ now so she doesn't give a fuck what other relationships in her life she destroys. She texts me and says, "You better make sure you take care of your wound. I'll be home tomorrow." In some bitchy tone of punishment. I didn't even do anything wrong, that text to her wasn't even bitchy! And not only did I leave an hour earlier than I could have, I left like... 20 hours earlier than I could have. I did my part, I got here, I was prepared to get here at the time(s) she wanted every step of the way, yet I'm the huge bitch for asking an honest question. Heaven forbid Alyssa stick up for herself the way her fucking mother RAISED HER TO. Let's punish her for it, let's punish her for something that 1.) I put into her character, and 2.) is totally my own selfish, whorish fault in the first place because I am PHYSICALLY UNABLE to leave my fucking boyfriend for an hour at best, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I WILL SURELY SHRIVEL THE FUCK UP AND DIE if I have to, you know, TAKE CARE OF MY KID LIKE I AGREED TO. Cut the cord. Grow the fuck up. You are out of control.
And yet I'm apparently the unreasonable and selfish one, here. The worst part of it all is that she can't (or refuses to) see any of this. She thinks she's completely perfect and justified and that she "deserves" to blow me off, make me sit alone in pain and possible infection just so she can get laid or feed his fucking horses or whatever the hell they're doing right now. And that fucking hurts. It hurts more than just the gaping physical wound in my back. Everything fucking hurts. I can't stop crying and I don't even know what to do with myself right now.
Randy and I were waking up at about noon and my phone went off. It was her, asking me if we were up and to call her. So I did, and okay, let me just remind you that she technically should have changed it really early this morning. But she decided she ~had to stay over at David's~. So I call her like she asks and she tells me that she'll be home at 2:30 to deal with it. So idk, we've got a couple of hours yet so he mentions lunch briefly but we fuck around and waste time and then I think I'm not even going to have time for lunch anymore because I have to be home at 2:30 and I know if she's there then and I'm not, she's going to blow a fucking nut. But I don't rush us because I know, I KNOW she's going to push back the time, like she always does. And of course, today is no different. I get a new text - she says she'll be here between 3:30 and 4 now. And for the first time in my life, I'm actually grateful for this, because now we DO have time to go to lunch. We shower and go, and the whole time at the restaurant I'm freaking out that it will take too long or that I won't get back in time. I left his house at 3:30, so I'm already prepared to get fucking yelled at if she happens to be on time for once. If I ever keep her waiting for even a second, I get lashed out at so badly. I didn't want to leave him, I really didn't, he's so intelligent and witty and he's got the most beautiful eyelashes I've ever seen on a man and I didn't fucking want to go, okay. But I did without even a thought because I know my health is more important, and I know he'll still be here tomorrow.
I'm just pulling into my street when I get another text from her - "We'll be there at 4:40". MY GOD, STOP! It's like I can never even fucking believe a word she says anymore because the next hour, it's something completely different. Her numbers have absolutely no fucking value to me. And I was too far to turn around and I just burst into tears because honestly, I feel so unimportant to her. This is why I hate when she dates. Not because she's not home all the time, not because even when she IS home, she's on the phone - no, none of that. It's because she thinks she has a right to treat us like shit. And lie. And change our plans and our lives and expect us to just "deal with it". I texted her back and said, "Great, thanks, I already left. How does this always happen, what are you doing". Is this not a legit set of questions right about now? I feel like I deserve, at the VERY least, some fucking answers, not to mention the smidgen of respect that comes with giving them to somebody who should be somewhat important to you. Oh no, not at all. She's in a relationship ~with a guy~ now so she doesn't give a fuck what other relationships in her life she destroys. She texts me and says, "You better make sure you take care of your wound. I'll be home tomorrow." In some bitchy tone of punishment. I didn't even do anything wrong, that text to her wasn't even bitchy! And not only did I leave an hour earlier than I could have, I left like... 20 hours earlier than I could have. I did my part, I got here, I was prepared to get here at the time(s) she wanted every step of the way, yet I'm the huge bitch for asking an honest question. Heaven forbid Alyssa stick up for herself the way her fucking mother RAISED HER TO. Let's punish her for it, let's punish her for something that 1.) I put into her character, and 2.) is totally my own selfish, whorish fault in the first place because I am PHYSICALLY UNABLE to leave my fucking boyfriend for an hour at best, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I WILL SURELY SHRIVEL THE FUCK UP AND DIE if I have to, you know, TAKE CARE OF MY KID LIKE I AGREED TO. Cut the cord. Grow the fuck up. You are out of control.
And yet I'm apparently the unreasonable and selfish one, here. The worst part of it all is that she can't (or refuses to) see any of this. She thinks she's completely perfect and justified and that she "deserves" to blow me off, make me sit alone in pain and possible infection just so she can get laid or feed his fucking horses or whatever the hell they're doing right now. And that fucking hurts. It hurts more than just the gaping physical wound in my back. Everything fucking hurts. I can't stop crying and I don't even know what to do with myself right now.