"Are we losing control?" | "Yes," under my breath, but I kept going.
★ If you don't care and/or are short on time, I give you the abridged version. It is basically the gist.
Abridged Version
→ I had a beautiful day. I learned how to DJ, I picked it up so quickly, and I am so completely confident that if I needed to play a set while he ran off and did something, I could. I had a fucking BLAST.
→ He showed me his advertising portfolio and asked me to be his art director on something.
→ We are being so smart and I am so proud of our self-control. We remind each other to slow down, and we do, no questions asked. We decided days ago that we didn't want to mess this up by rushing anything.
→ We went for a walk, got lost, picked flowers, kissed in cute places, climbed dirt hills, walked down railroad tracks, ran through sprinklers, got caught in rain.
→ Finally found home and went back to his bed because we were tired as hell from hiking around for like two hours. Said a lot of honest things.
→ Then I had a fucking breakdown on the way home because I hate liking somebody this much. It fucks with my world view. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship but he's fucking great and I don't want to let him slip through me.
- ♥ -
★ If you are bored and/or are curious for elaboration on any of the aforementioned points, I give you the unabridged version. LET ME KNOW IF THIS FORMAT IS HELPFUL, because I think I may do it more.
Unabridged Version
We wired all of his DJ stuff up in his basement and I blasted The Cars and Prince and several selfish song choices like that, songs that I've edited and things. I learned how to change pitch and beats per minute, I learned how to cue beats, how to crossfade, scratch, echo, I had an absolute blast and I think I even upset him with how fast I caught on since that meant he couldn't be all macho and dispense ~knowledge~ at me and show off because it was like I was already a step ahead of him with everything. He called me a snot, lmao.
But he is so easy to be with, you guys. Like, I don't even know what the fuck we did all day. I was with him for 7 hours and it felt like 2 or something.
After the DJing, we went in his room so he could show me his advertising portfolio. I was impressed, he's good at it but his art partner sucks. I told him I was sorry that I was only criticizing the visual side of everything but that's the only half of it I know, and that I'd shut up because I know it's not his fault if the photoshopping is fucked. He told me that no, he wanted to know what bothered me about it so he could make the guy fix it. He also asked me if I'd like to be his art director on something and I said yes. Just to give it a shot. I'm offended that he's working with whoever he's working with right now - they randomly capitalize "Father" for no reason, their line height judgment is atrocious, and we had a fucking FIELD day on a boat ad where something that was supposed to be a tree-line actually looked like oil or exhaust and would probably hurt product sales lmao. I related to him so much, though, he was talking about how each of his ads become his babies. And then I came to one that I really liked and asked him why he didn't include it in his campaign. His response? "Well I loved that one but sometimes you have to kill your babies." How many times have I said "kill your children" about videos and shit. Like, it absolutely floored me how not only he understood that concept, but he brought it up.
And then we made out loads. He told me he was "so attracted to me" and that it wasn't just my body - my personality was "A+". It started getting hardcore so I told him to slow down because we agreed that we don't want to screw this up. "I was just about to say the same thing," he said. And that means a lot to me. We did slow down, and then nearly fell asleep. He is so insanely easy to lay with it's almost sick. We fit together so well, I've never experienced anything even close to that. AND I HATE CUDDLING, OKAY. But I love laying with him, I hate how much I love laying with him. Do you see how this is fucking with me, how this is fucking with my perception of life? It is so ass-backwards to me to actually want to lay in bed intertwined with someone for hours. And he's the same way - "God, this is so weird, normally I want girls out of my bed." I told him it was freaking me out how comfortable I was with this. And he said, "Me too." And then at another random point, he told me, "This is so strange to me because normally I don't even like people." He, too, has only had one girlfriend - he's just really picky and hates seeing people settle just for the sake of it. And that means something to me too.
He called me crazy, I told him "thank you", and he said it's probably the reason he likes me so much, that I'm "effervescent" and later when I took something the wrong way, I told him I had a dirty mind and I was sorry, but he told me he was liking me more and more every second.
We decided to leave so we'd get off each other. We went on a walk, some cute little trail. He stopped us at one point and said we should do what people don't do enough - just appreciate where we are. So I bent down and picked some cute little purple flower and when I came back up, he kissed me up on my tiptoes and pulled back and said, "You know I'm crazy about you, right?" I laughed and he picked me up. I put my legs around him and we were just making out in the middle of some path with a purple flower in my hand. We walked forever and I don't even remember half the shit we talked about. We found railroad tracks and I insisted we climb this dirt hill to get to them. So we walked along those for awhile. And this is where we started getting lost I think. Whatevs. It was beautiful though because literally the second that we saw the road we were looking for, it started to rain. Fucking. Perfect. I was so happy, god I love rain. We found his road and someone had a sprinkler on it so he said something about running through it. "You think I won't?" I said, and ran through the fucker. "Well now I have to do it," he said, and did the same. We got to his door and it was a victory of sorts because we'd been walking for hours, so he kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him on the mouth. "I love how you're never satisfied with a kiss on the cheek. You're like, give me those lips, motherfucker."
We went back to his room to lay down because we were tired and wet. We saw a fly in his ceiling light and he told me he read the synopsis of of Drag Me To Hell and wanted to tell me what happened. I kept saying no. "BUT I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU THOUGH." NO. "Oh, SPOILERS," he said. He's got this dent in his chest and I quite love it because it's a perfect little place for my hand to go. LOL, he went to show me it so he took his shirt off. He said it bothers some people but I'm completely fine with it. "I figure I have to have some other flaw to make up for the fact that I have a huge penis. OH WAIT, probably shouldn't tell you that - SPOILERS." LMAO LMAO SDLJKFHSAJFHASJKLDFHALSJKF. We talked about sex and went over our deal-breakers in relationships and I got mad at him because he said he doesn't think women should have tattoos yet he's got one on his shoulder staring me in the face. I went off on the shallow hypocrisy of it all. His defense was a bit sexist so I went off more. But it was okay. We talked about the Saw films and American Beauty, I told him I'd never seen it and that we should watch it sometime. "Or, whatever, I don't mean to jump the gun or pressure you or make you think I assume we'll be hanging out all the time," I said. And lol, fucking smartass, he says all sarcastic, "Yeah, I frequently lay intertwined with people like this for hours in the hopes that I'll never see them again." I died of LOL and he told me I reached a new decibel on that one.
I said I was going to leave and he was like, "After we make out, right?" LOL. Yes. So we were doing and it got really intense and he said something about how "We're not going to do anything anyway because you're on your period." How the fuck do you know that? "Well to be honest, I didn't - I was bluffing, but there was no way I could've lost. Because either you'd say yes and freak out at my intuition, which you did, or you'd say no and it'd prove that we weren't going further because we have self-control, not just because you're on your period and can't anyway. I was hoping you'd say that you weren't on it and then hit me, actually." He wanted our self-control to be the reason, and that means a FUCK TON to me. I told him we wouldn't have anyway, because I pride myself on my self-discipline, and we had already decided we weren't going to so I wasn't going to break my word to him or to myself. He walked me to my car and thanked me for a great day and for my beautiful company.
Fuck. I like him so much. I cried in the car on the way home because I hate liking somebody this much - it completely screws with how I'm used to thinking and feeling. And see, I don't even think I want to be in a serious relationship right now. But I don't want to let somebody this great slip through me, either. So I'd rather date him than lose him, you know? Yeah, it'd be ideal if I could just lock him up in my closet for a bit until I was ready to be in a relationship but I can't and I can't expect him to sit around and wait for me to be ready for that. And he's 28 so he's gotten to get this out of his system probably, I don't know, I didn't ask, it's too early to ask but I haven't gotten through it yet. "Well then just see him and don't be serious, Liss!" Yeah, okay, except we like each other too much for that or something? "Then be in a relationship - shut up." FUCK, I KNOW I'M MAKING NO SENSE, OKAY. I just hate change and I'm bitching for no reason, I don't know.
I need to go to bed. And not think anymore. Ever.
Abridged Version
→ I had a beautiful day. I learned how to DJ, I picked it up so quickly, and I am so completely confident that if I needed to play a set while he ran off and did something, I could. I had a fucking BLAST.
→ He showed me his advertising portfolio and asked me to be his art director on something.
→ We are being so smart and I am so proud of our self-control. We remind each other to slow down, and we do, no questions asked. We decided days ago that we didn't want to mess this up by rushing anything.
→ We went for a walk, got lost, picked flowers, kissed in cute places, climbed dirt hills, walked down railroad tracks, ran through sprinklers, got caught in rain.
→ Finally found home and went back to his bed because we were tired as hell from hiking around for like two hours. Said a lot of honest things.
→ Then I had a fucking breakdown on the way home because I hate liking somebody this much. It fucks with my world view. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship but he's fucking great and I don't want to let him slip through me.
- ♥ -
★ If you are bored and/or are curious for elaboration on any of the aforementioned points, I give you the unabridged version. LET ME KNOW IF THIS FORMAT IS HELPFUL, because I think I may do it more.
Unabridged Version
We wired all of his DJ stuff up in his basement and I blasted The Cars and Prince and several selfish song choices like that, songs that I've edited and things. I learned how to change pitch and beats per minute, I learned how to cue beats, how to crossfade, scratch, echo, I had an absolute blast and I think I even upset him with how fast I caught on since that meant he couldn't be all macho and dispense ~knowledge~ at me and show off because it was like I was already a step ahead of him with everything. He called me a snot, lmao.
But he is so easy to be with, you guys. Like, I don't even know what the fuck we did all day. I was with him for 7 hours and it felt like 2 or something.
After the DJing, we went in his room so he could show me his advertising portfolio. I was impressed, he's good at it but his art partner sucks. I told him I was sorry that I was only criticizing the visual side of everything but that's the only half of it I know, and that I'd shut up because I know it's not his fault if the photoshopping is fucked. He told me that no, he wanted to know what bothered me about it so he could make the guy fix it. He also asked me if I'd like to be his art director on something and I said yes. Just to give it a shot. I'm offended that he's working with whoever he's working with right now - they randomly capitalize "Father" for no reason, their line height judgment is atrocious, and we had a fucking FIELD day on a boat ad where something that was supposed to be a tree-line actually looked like oil or exhaust and would probably hurt product sales lmao. I related to him so much, though, he was talking about how each of his ads become his babies. And then I came to one that I really liked and asked him why he didn't include it in his campaign. His response? "Well I loved that one but sometimes you have to kill your babies." How many times have I said "kill your children" about videos and shit. Like, it absolutely floored me how not only he understood that concept, but he brought it up.
And then we made out loads. He told me he was "so attracted to me" and that it wasn't just my body - my personality was "A+". It started getting hardcore so I told him to slow down because we agreed that we don't want to screw this up. "I was just about to say the same thing," he said. And that means a lot to me. We did slow down, and then nearly fell asleep. He is so insanely easy to lay with it's almost sick. We fit together so well, I've never experienced anything even close to that. AND I HATE CUDDLING, OKAY. But I love laying with him, I hate how much I love laying with him. Do you see how this is fucking with me, how this is fucking with my perception of life? It is so ass-backwards to me to actually want to lay in bed intertwined with someone for hours. And he's the same way - "God, this is so weird, normally I want girls out of my bed." I told him it was freaking me out how comfortable I was with this. And he said, "Me too." And then at another random point, he told me, "This is so strange to me because normally I don't even like people." He, too, has only had one girlfriend - he's just really picky and hates seeing people settle just for the sake of it. And that means something to me too.
He called me crazy, I told him "thank you", and he said it's probably the reason he likes me so much, that I'm "effervescent" and later when I took something the wrong way, I told him I had a dirty mind and I was sorry, but he told me he was liking me more and more every second.
We decided to leave so we'd get off each other. We went on a walk, some cute little trail. He stopped us at one point and said we should do what people don't do enough - just appreciate where we are. So I bent down and picked some cute little purple flower and when I came back up, he kissed me up on my tiptoes and pulled back and said, "You know I'm crazy about you, right?" I laughed and he picked me up. I put my legs around him and we were just making out in the middle of some path with a purple flower in my hand. We walked forever and I don't even remember half the shit we talked about. We found railroad tracks and I insisted we climb this dirt hill to get to them. So we walked along those for awhile. And this is where we started getting lost I think. Whatevs. It was beautiful though because literally the second that we saw the road we were looking for, it started to rain. Fucking. Perfect. I was so happy, god I love rain. We found his road and someone had a sprinkler on it so he said something about running through it. "You think I won't?" I said, and ran through the fucker. "Well now I have to do it," he said, and did the same. We got to his door and it was a victory of sorts because we'd been walking for hours, so he kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him on the mouth. "I love how you're never satisfied with a kiss on the cheek. You're like, give me those lips, motherfucker."
We went back to his room to lay down because we were tired and wet. We saw a fly in his ceiling light and he told me he read the synopsis of of Drag Me To Hell and wanted to tell me what happened. I kept saying no. "BUT I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU THOUGH." NO. "Oh, SPOILERS," he said. He's got this dent in his chest and I quite love it because it's a perfect little place for my hand to go. LOL, he went to show me it so he took his shirt off. He said it bothers some people but I'm completely fine with it. "I figure I have to have some other flaw to make up for the fact that I have a huge penis. OH WAIT, probably shouldn't tell you that - SPOILERS." LMAO LMAO SDLJKFHSAJFHASJKLDFHALSJKF. We talked about sex and went over our deal-breakers in relationships and I got mad at him because he said he doesn't think women should have tattoos yet he's got one on his shoulder staring me in the face. I went off on the shallow hypocrisy of it all. His defense was a bit sexist so I went off more. But it was okay. We talked about the Saw films and American Beauty, I told him I'd never seen it and that we should watch it sometime. "Or, whatever, I don't mean to jump the gun or pressure you or make you think I assume we'll be hanging out all the time," I said. And lol, fucking smartass, he says all sarcastic, "Yeah, I frequently lay intertwined with people like this for hours in the hopes that I'll never see them again." I died of LOL and he told me I reached a new decibel on that one.
I said I was going to leave and he was like, "After we make out, right?" LOL. Yes. So we were doing and it got really intense and he said something about how "We're not going to do anything anyway because you're on your period." How the fuck do you know that? "Well to be honest, I didn't - I was bluffing, but there was no way I could've lost. Because either you'd say yes and freak out at my intuition, which you did, or you'd say no and it'd prove that we weren't going further because we have self-control, not just because you're on your period and can't anyway. I was hoping you'd say that you weren't on it and then hit me, actually." He wanted our self-control to be the reason, and that means a FUCK TON to me. I told him we wouldn't have anyway, because I pride myself on my self-discipline, and we had already decided we weren't going to so I wasn't going to break my word to him or to myself. He walked me to my car and thanked me for a great day and for my beautiful company.
Fuck. I like him so much. I cried in the car on the way home because I hate liking somebody this much - it completely screws with how I'm used to thinking and feeling. And see, I don't even think I want to be in a serious relationship right now. But I don't want to let somebody this great slip through me, either. So I'd rather date him than lose him, you know? Yeah, it'd be ideal if I could just lock him up in my closet for a bit until I was ready to be in a relationship but I can't and I can't expect him to sit around and wait for me to be ready for that. And he's 28 so he's gotten to get this out of his system probably, I don't know, I didn't ask, it's too early to ask but I haven't gotten through it yet. "Well then just see him and don't be serious, Liss!" Yeah, okay, except we like each other too much for that or something? "Then be in a relationship - shut up." FUCK, I KNOW I'M MAKING NO SENSE, OKAY. I just hate change and I'm bitching for no reason, I don't know.
I need to go to bed. And not think anymore. Ever.