it's my own design, it's my own remorse | help me to decide, help me make the most...

[lissie_pissie]

... of freedom and of pleasure,
nothing ever lasts forever.

We watched that thing on the History Chanel about the predictions for the apocalypse in 2012.

I ended up bawling. It was horrible, I was having so many cruel thoughts and the prospect of this actually being true came crashing down all over me. "It's okay, I'm here," he said, as I clung

Comments

[gentleflower]

I don't even know where to start. This has happened to me too, I think. It just happens and I can't really help it. I guess I allow it to? I don't know if everyone can get to this place and even if they could, it's not easy to confront yourself with your deepest thoughts or fears. I don't know if everyone can or wants to do that. There is so much I don't understand, and I try to understand. Things that are out of my hands. Why do bad things happen to beautiful people who do all they can - doing everything for the right reasons. Why do other people kill those people. Why did she die? I feel like in that moment it devestates me to think like this, but there's beauty in it too. If the world would end in 2012, does that mean everything will end? Everything will be gone? We will live as long as the last person remembers them but if everyone who remembers you will be gone with you, what happens then? Nothing, I guess. Nobody wants that to happen. Does it need to happen? Will it happen? CJ ♥. I can only agree with him because I can't kthanxbye you enough for all the differences you've already made in my life. And we're just getting started. ♥ I do know what you mean with making that difference you want to make. Are we alive for a reason, do we die when we finish what we are supposed to do? So many questions. Will the answer be there when we need it?

I am happy with my life but I'm always going to want more because I know there is more. I don't know what it means if one day you stop wanting and there's nothing left to want (I'm not sure I understand people who say they don't want anything else, sure there are moments when I feel like there's nothing else I could ever want but that's in a moment. I guess it's all about moments.) All I know is that I don't ever want to have regrets. Sometimes I literally ask myself if anything is bothering me or if I have a problem I'm not dealing with so I can do something about it, one step at a time. I ask myself if there are little things I have always wanted to do or I want to do but never do because it freaks me our or it upsets me so I can do something about that too, one step at a time. It's the bigger things like wanting to be a mom some day that scare me so, so bad because what if the one thing I want SO bad will never happen. For a reason like that - what if the world will end in 2012 and I will never get that chance? I'm not sure I understand half of what I am saying right now, I don't know what it all means. There's so much to make sense of. So much that's not sure. I don't know, I'm going to take a walk now.

You were just talking with your heart Lissalove, don't ever do anything else. ♥