DISCUSSION - friends with benefits

[lissie_pissie]

I'm pulling a response to THIS POST and opening up another one of these discussions.

previous discussions;
→ homosexual derrogatory terms, "gay"
→ being politically correct in terms of race
→ female masturbation
→ abortion
→ lesbians, idk

question;
the phenomenon today that in many colleges, dating is out, replaced by friends with benefits/sex

Comments

[soonersurrender]

LOL, I don't think it really matters what the "trend" is. I think it comes down to personal choice. I've spent three years at college, and I'm still a virgin. And it's not for religious reasons or because I'm waiting for marriage. But it's because of what we're talking about. I think that sex is bigger than what most people make of it. It's bigger because with it comes a lot more responsibility and worry. I've known quite a few people in college who have had sex too early or too often and ended up with STD's or a baby. And because that's the case with a lot of people, that's unfortunate. But, personally? I have a lot more stuff in college to worry about (like my education) than whether or not I have an STD. I'll wait until the right person comes along and it's worth it to make that leap. Until then, my legs are staying closed. :)

[sunspawn]

i almost slept with a friend in college one time (i wasnt drunk) but i bailed out at the very last moment because i was afraid stuff would get awkward between us.

i guess it's ok if you can both do it without any emotional attachment. if both are happy with it...why the hell not?

[applepiesunday]

I've never really had a relationship with any degree of seriousness at all, but I think one of the chief reasons for people deciding on 'friends with benefits' instead of dating is that we as humans are, in my opinion, becoming much more cautious and wary of our emotions and 'personal space', and also possibly becoming more anti-social as our lives are taken over with cell phones and email instead of talking and interacting face to face. (Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with technology at ALL, I am just suggesting at its influence on human society.)

But anyway, getting back to the subject. I DO think friends with benefits is becoming more common, and I DO think that it is because some of us feel the need to maintain an emotional detachment in relationships. But another point could also be raised in some bases - is fwb overtaking dating because of convenience ? Think about it like this. If you start dating a total stranger, you both have to put in a lot of work - making sure you look nice when you meet up, getting to

[just_schtupp]

You know, I don't know. I did some stuff with someone I had feelings for but he didn't in return.

I convinced him it'd be good for experience, that way when we started dating others, we'd know what to do (We didn't have sex, but neither of us had gone more than kissing).

I think I deep down thought he'd want a relationship after doing things with me, but he didn't, and now I can't look at him when I pass him by.

I can't decide whether it was good or bad or not. It has definitely made an impact on our friendship in a bad way, and gave me a pregnancy scare (Did you know that sperm can live on hands for a couple of hours? Totally didn't. I'm fine now, though.), but I did learn a lot about the opposite sex, sexually and emotionally. And I learned a lot about myself.

I regret being stupid about it, most of all.

[a_celeste]

I already regret one of them - it becomes a problem when one wants more from the other. And not in terms of sex, it's emotions that get in the way. I would have to say both people have to share the same mindset before they get into anything. And best tell each other when feelings start to change.

Relationships are investing your emotions. And with FWB you're gambling your health - you don't know if they're having something on the side with someone else either. But I say why the hell not, it can be a good learning experience, sexual growth, you might actually learn what you want and don't want from a relationship. For me, I see sex as a great experience I look forward to, and not just the act of doing it, I have always been fascinated by the mechanics and simply improving it - the Kuma Sutra is ancient text and it's still widely recognize today.

Just make sure you use contraceptives! And you trust the person enough.