busiest week in recent memory; my body hates me. (4th of July, dance short, wedding work)
This week has been unreal.
The night before Independence Day was spent down the street at this local carnival they put on every year. It's walking distance from my house, which is very cool because parking would be a bitch. My friend Mary had been teaching in Thailand, so I haven't seen her in years but she was there. Molly, Ali, and Teresa came, Tony and his sister showed up, as did Derek and Brian - we just got several pitchers of beer and "enjoyed" the weather (it was so hot I couldn't even take photos for awhile, my lens was too foggy!). Jason and I walked home and then got in one of our biggest fights ever because I dared to care about him and his feelings. He had been so antisocial and lame all night, of course I asked him a couple of times if he was okay or if he wanted to go home. And I was very sincere about it too, like I wasn't bitchy and judgmental, I assured him it'd be completely fine if he wanted to leave.
So we got in a fight about it and we were yelling, it was awful, he told me to stop asking so I was like, "Fine, done caring, dropping it." He was like, "YOU CONSTANTLY GO FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER." Well, fine, but it's better than being fucking lukewarm about everything, I told him I'm not apologizing for it and if he can't handle it then this isn't going to work - it's how I live my life. Everything is huge. It's what makes an artist, it's what makes me good at my job, it's what makes me more alive than most other people I know. Unfortunately, the same huge feeling applies to bad things too sometimes. Like... deal with it. And another huge reason I was frustrated was because I know if I DIDN'T keep checking in on him, he'd be butthurt about that, too. He'd be generally quiet and mopey until it came out and "You totally ignored me! You acted like I wasn't even there!" He claims he wouldn't but I've seen it happen. So IDEK, I said I was done with it and went upstairs to let us both cool off. When I came back down 10 minutes later, he was just gone? It was so not like him, it was awful. Turns out, he had gone to the store to get corn since I had been talking all night about how I wanted corn on the cob. We are obviously fine now, it was just really shitty and draining.
Fourth of July: Slept in, and then went to Lindsey's. There was a beer pong tournament set up in the lake, she'd inflated the water trampoline and made jello shots laid out like the American flag. We pulled her deck chairs into the water and that's where I spent a majority of my day, not gonna lie lol. Tony brought his Go Pro, we had so much fun with that thing - we shot it out of a water balloon launcher, did flips off the dock holding it, I can't wait to see all the footage. My sister picked us up and took us to my dad's family function. I was butthurt because neither Rob nor Tracy were there and I was very excited to see them. Nobody else "gets" me and I would have rather stayed at Lindsey's this year, tbh, just because it was so big and fun. We didn't stay long, but they did have AMAZING FOOD I WANT IT ALL I WANT MORE OF IT EVERY DAY I CANNOT. I called Lindsey and she came and picked us up on the jet ski!! She lives right across the lake from my uncle! It was hilarious - "Okay, bye! *runs to end of dock instead of driveway, lol*" We stayed there for fireworks, got eaten alive but it was a great time.
Me & Jasey at the street dance!
Not the best photo of me but I HAVE TO SHOW YOU MY NAILS. MY SISTER DID THEM!
Me, Ali, & Tree!
The whole gang~
Beer pong in the lake at Lindsey's. So ~Minnesota~.
Jason getting childlike glee from shooting water balloons.
Water tramp, and Tony on the jet ski with the Go Pro!
Jello shots~
The lake at night!
♥ America! ♥
I slept in the next day and then went to ~dance practice~: Tony had asked me a few weeks ago if I'd be interested in dancing for a piece he wanted to shoot for festivals. I said yes, because I have a confidence problem, when in retrospect I probably should have thought about the fact that I haven't danced, really danced, since 2006. Communication was really slow - we only definitively landed on a song about a week beforehand. He had asked his sister, Annie, and his friend's sister, Natalie (who I knew already - she was dancing for Deanna the same time she was my coach! Small world!), to be the other dancers so we met up to kind of do some choreography. Then I started legitimately freaking the fuck out. I have never liked choreography, you guys, it just does not come to me like it does other people. I will come by this honestly - I know my strengths, okay, and this is not one of them. Also, Natalie is a fucking PERFECT dancer, it is effortless for her because she still dances in college. So Annie and I were just like.... fuck. And felt like general pieces of shit. We went to the location to check out what we'd have to work with, and then got appetizers at a local bar. It was a good time and I love the people, I just had a panic attack.
I then had to run downtown for a production meeting for our webseries; I had had a lunch a couple of weeks ago (that I never wrote about, because I suck) to go over a Kickstarter script Marc had written. Broken record time - I. love. this project. And I love these people. I cannot even express how much I enjoy and treasure these lunches. Marc had said he might have to shelf this for 6 months to make room for a bigger, paying project. He added, "I still really want to do this... not only because I still love the idea but because this project more than any other involves working with people who I genuinely like, and I think that's a precious commodity." and that means the world, because everyone involved feels that way. He emailed a couple of days later saying "Fuck it!", the other project wasn't moving quickly enough and that he wanted to give this a go. So we had that great lunch, and then pulled our lead in to read with us. We went to his office after hours, he showed up with a six pack and scripts for all, we just sat for two hours brainstorming and laughing to the point of tears. I am so excited for this!
I had to rush back home to dance in that short film. I still had to get all my shit together - I danced for years, my parents owned a fucking dance store and I still couldn't find a leotard anywhere in the goddamn house/garage. And then I had a breakdown. I just cried. I was so scared. I still had no choreography, I had fuck all to wear, I didn't have time for a nap like I thought I would, the entire crew are friends of mine and I didn't want to look ridiculous, I am so out of shape, I have put on probably 20 pounds since I last danced and beyond the fact that I'm insecure about it, it's a balance adjustment I'd never had to deal with before, I just freaked the hell out. I almost backed out. But I went. It turned out okay - Natalie and Annie were very helpful with choreography, and it was a much smaller scale project than I'd imagined (I didn't know why I thought the city would be bustling at 2 in the morning...).
He got a permit to shoot overnight in the cutest lake town, and built a homemade camera crane out of weights and a 2x4. The idea was that each one of us would have a different story and place in the city. My piece was on a dock, which was scary enough, okay. He had asked me earlier if I'd fall into the water, lmao, I never said no even though I was opposed to the idea from the get-go so I'm glad it wasn't brought up again and that the location didn't really facilitate it. He had all the best intentions but it was a little frustrating working with him because he knows nothing about dance or how difficult it actually is. He didn't really understand the concept of practice or muscle memory or how much time it takes to choreograph, memorize, and clean a routine, that we practice 2+ hours a day for months before competing one number. LOL he told us at practice that he wanted to do each of us in one constant take and we all just lol'd. When we got to the shoot and I was starting to dance, I was like, "You've given up on the idea of doing this all perfectly in one take, right?" He said he had, lol, and had found an additional set-up for everybody.
But you guys!! About three takes in, he came up to me and whispered, "I want to do you all in one take. I know I can get you in one take." And at that point I said, "Okay." because I did originally want that, I just thought it was impossible. But at this point, I knew I'd get there. Obviously I wouldn't look as flawless as I'd have liked to, but it felt really good and seeing it on playback helped A. TON. The grayscale, moonlight, camera movement and wind were very forgiving. We got a pretty-close-to-perfect take about five in. Tony said he was happy, there were a couple of little stumbles that no one else noticed or cared about, so I let go and wrote it off as me just being an unreasonable perfectionist. PLUS, IT IS FUCKING HARD DANCING ON A DOCK. At one point, I jumped up onto a bench, and my shoe buckle got caught between two boards, I almost fucking died. There's a point were I sit on a rope like a swing, almost died. Even just walking, shit's uneven, I almost died. Seriously. It got to a point where I realized the only way this would truly look how I wanted it to look would be if I went to that same spot and practiced every day for two weeks. So I let it go - big girl! That's something I've been working on lately - I love my perfectionism because it's what makes me good at things, but I'm trying to learn when it's reasonable and when I truly do expect too much. He announced a wrap on me, and just as he detached his monitor I asked for one more take, thinking I could fix the two tiny stumbles that pissed me off. No such luck - it was truly awful, lol. "You're getting tired," he said, he was right and we blew it off lol. It's all good though.
I had asked him to shoot me first so I could leave, but I ended up staying for the other two girls as well. It was such a fun concept and idea, and I wanted to truly have fun without worrying about anything after I had previously dealt with all that stress. Each of us had our challenges - Natalie, while totally flawless, had to do it a million times so the rest of us could get our timing right. We had the camera on the crane on a moving truck bed, so getting her as she danced down a sidewalk with various speeds and stops was difficult. Annie had to dance in the middle of the street, meaning she didn't really have anything to play off of like Natalie and I did. Also we had to cut short on her because she had an asthma attack. I can't wait to see it though, I am very glad I went.
I had wanted to leave early because we were shooting from 2-5am and I had a wedding the next day. I was sore as FUCK from dancing, you guys, and then I had to run around for 6 hours, up down up down, in the brutal heat wearing all black. It is amazing what adrenaline can do, though. Wedding stuff needs its own entry because I've started talking and working a lot with a local wedding photographer and there's lots to say. She is very sweet, but it's all very new, I feel very limited by my gear and can't afford what she needs me to have. She's understanding, though - she remembers what it was like for her in the beginning and has said she's willing to invest in me, which always means so much. Doing another wedding this weekend! I also met with her today to discuss design work, color correction, and videography. There's just so much I can do for her and so much she needs, so I'm very excited. Will write more later! But shit, point is - it was a very busy, high-stress week. I didn't leave bed at all yesterday, pretty much, not only because I was tired but also because I COULDN'T FUCKING WALK.
The night before Independence Day was spent down the street at this local carnival they put on every year. It's walking distance from my house, which is very cool because parking would be a bitch. My friend Mary had been teaching in Thailand, so I haven't seen her in years but she was there. Molly, Ali, and Teresa came, Tony and his sister showed up, as did Derek and Brian - we just got several pitchers of beer and "enjoyed" the weather (it was so hot I couldn't even take photos for awhile, my lens was too foggy!). Jason and I walked home and then got in one of our biggest fights ever because I dared to care about him and his feelings. He had been so antisocial and lame all night, of course I asked him a couple of times if he was okay or if he wanted to go home. And I was very sincere about it too, like I wasn't bitchy and judgmental, I assured him it'd be completely fine if he wanted to leave.
So we got in a fight about it and we were yelling, it was awful, he told me to stop asking so I was like, "Fine, done caring, dropping it." He was like, "YOU CONSTANTLY GO FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER." Well, fine, but it's better than being fucking lukewarm about everything, I told him I'm not apologizing for it and if he can't handle it then this isn't going to work - it's how I live my life. Everything is huge. It's what makes an artist, it's what makes me good at my job, it's what makes me more alive than most other people I know. Unfortunately, the same huge feeling applies to bad things too sometimes. Like... deal with it. And another huge reason I was frustrated was because I know if I DIDN'T keep checking in on him, he'd be butthurt about that, too. He'd be generally quiet and mopey until it came out and "You totally ignored me! You acted like I wasn't even there!" He claims he wouldn't but I've seen it happen. So IDEK, I said I was done with it and went upstairs to let us both cool off. When I came back down 10 minutes later, he was just gone? It was so not like him, it was awful. Turns out, he had gone to the store to get corn since I had been talking all night about how I wanted corn on the cob. We are obviously fine now, it was just really shitty and draining.
Fourth of July: Slept in, and then went to Lindsey's. There was a beer pong tournament set up in the lake, she'd inflated the water trampoline and made jello shots laid out like the American flag. We pulled her deck chairs into the water and that's where I spent a majority of my day, not gonna lie lol. Tony brought his Go Pro, we had so much fun with that thing - we shot it out of a water balloon launcher, did flips off the dock holding it, I can't wait to see all the footage. My sister picked us up and took us to my dad's family function. I was butthurt because neither Rob nor Tracy were there and I was very excited to see them. Nobody else "gets" me and I would have rather stayed at Lindsey's this year, tbh, just because it was so big and fun. We didn't stay long, but they did have AMAZING FOOD I WANT IT ALL I WANT MORE OF IT EVERY DAY I CANNOT. I called Lindsey and she came and picked us up on the jet ski!! She lives right across the lake from my uncle! It was hilarious - "Okay, bye! *runs to end of dock instead of driveway, lol*" We stayed there for fireworks, got eaten alive but it was a great time.
Me & Jasey at the street dance!
Not the best photo of me but I HAVE TO SHOW YOU MY NAILS. MY SISTER DID THEM!
Me, Ali, & Tree!
The whole gang~
Beer pong in the lake at Lindsey's. So ~Minnesota~.
Jason getting childlike glee from shooting water balloons.
Water tramp, and Tony on the jet ski with the Go Pro!
Jello shots~
The lake at night!
♥ America! ♥
I slept in the next day and then went to ~dance practice~: Tony had asked me a few weeks ago if I'd be interested in dancing for a piece he wanted to shoot for festivals. I said yes, because I have a confidence problem, when in retrospect I probably should have thought about the fact that I haven't danced, really danced, since 2006. Communication was really slow - we only definitively landed on a song about a week beforehand. He had asked his sister, Annie, and his friend's sister, Natalie (who I knew already - she was dancing for Deanna the same time she was my coach! Small world!), to be the other dancers so we met up to kind of do some choreography. Then I started legitimately freaking the fuck out. I have never liked choreography, you guys, it just does not come to me like it does other people. I will come by this honestly - I know my strengths, okay, and this is not one of them. Also, Natalie is a fucking PERFECT dancer, it is effortless for her because she still dances in college. So Annie and I were just like.... fuck. And felt like general pieces of shit. We went to the location to check out what we'd have to work with, and then got appetizers at a local bar. It was a good time and I love the people, I just had a panic attack.
I then had to run downtown for a production meeting for our webseries; I had had a lunch a couple of weeks ago (that I never wrote about, because I suck) to go over a Kickstarter script Marc had written. Broken record time - I. love. this project. And I love these people. I cannot even express how much I enjoy and treasure these lunches. Marc had said he might have to shelf this for 6 months to make room for a bigger, paying project. He added, "I still really want to do this... not only because I still love the idea but because this project more than any other involves working with people who I genuinely like, and I think that's a precious commodity." and that means the world, because everyone involved feels that way. He emailed a couple of days later saying "Fuck it!", the other project wasn't moving quickly enough and that he wanted to give this a go. So we had that great lunch, and then pulled our lead in to read with us. We went to his office after hours, he showed up with a six pack and scripts for all, we just sat for two hours brainstorming and laughing to the point of tears. I am so excited for this!
I had to rush back home to dance in that short film. I still had to get all my shit together - I danced for years, my parents owned a fucking dance store and I still couldn't find a leotard anywhere in the goddamn house/garage. And then I had a breakdown. I just cried. I was so scared. I still had no choreography, I had fuck all to wear, I didn't have time for a nap like I thought I would, the entire crew are friends of mine and I didn't want to look ridiculous, I am so out of shape, I have put on probably 20 pounds since I last danced and beyond the fact that I'm insecure about it, it's a balance adjustment I'd never had to deal with before, I just freaked the hell out. I almost backed out. But I went. It turned out okay - Natalie and Annie were very helpful with choreography, and it was a much smaller scale project than I'd imagined (I didn't know why I thought the city would be bustling at 2 in the morning...).
He got a permit to shoot overnight in the cutest lake town, and built a homemade camera crane out of weights and a 2x4. The idea was that each one of us would have a different story and place in the city. My piece was on a dock, which was scary enough, okay. He had asked me earlier if I'd fall into the water, lmao, I never said no even though I was opposed to the idea from the get-go so I'm glad it wasn't brought up again and that the location didn't really facilitate it. He had all the best intentions but it was a little frustrating working with him because he knows nothing about dance or how difficult it actually is. He didn't really understand the concept of practice or muscle memory or how much time it takes to choreograph, memorize, and clean a routine, that we practice 2+ hours a day for months before competing one number. LOL he told us at practice that he wanted to do each of us in one constant take and we all just lol'd. When we got to the shoot and I was starting to dance, I was like, "You've given up on the idea of doing this all perfectly in one take, right?" He said he had, lol, and had found an additional set-up for everybody.
But you guys!! About three takes in, he came up to me and whispered, "I want to do you all in one take. I know I can get you in one take." And at that point I said, "Okay." because I did originally want that, I just thought it was impossible. But at this point, I knew I'd get there. Obviously I wouldn't look as flawless as I'd have liked to, but it felt really good and seeing it on playback helped A. TON. The grayscale, moonlight, camera movement and wind were very forgiving. We got a pretty-close-to-perfect take about five in. Tony said he was happy, there were a couple of little stumbles that no one else noticed or cared about, so I let go and wrote it off as me just being an unreasonable perfectionist. PLUS, IT IS FUCKING HARD DANCING ON A DOCK. At one point, I jumped up onto a bench, and my shoe buckle got caught between two boards, I almost fucking died. There's a point were I sit on a rope like a swing, almost died. Even just walking, shit's uneven, I almost died. Seriously. It got to a point where I realized the only way this would truly look how I wanted it to look would be if I went to that same spot and practiced every day for two weeks. So I let it go - big girl! That's something I've been working on lately - I love my perfectionism because it's what makes me good at things, but I'm trying to learn when it's reasonable and when I truly do expect too much. He announced a wrap on me, and just as he detached his monitor I asked for one more take, thinking I could fix the two tiny stumbles that pissed me off. No such luck - it was truly awful, lol. "You're getting tired," he said, he was right and we blew it off lol. It's all good though.
I had asked him to shoot me first so I could leave, but I ended up staying for the other two girls as well. It was such a fun concept and idea, and I wanted to truly have fun without worrying about anything after I had previously dealt with all that stress. Each of us had our challenges - Natalie, while totally flawless, had to do it a million times so the rest of us could get our timing right. We had the camera on the crane on a moving truck bed, so getting her as she danced down a sidewalk with various speeds and stops was difficult. Annie had to dance in the middle of the street, meaning she didn't really have anything to play off of like Natalie and I did. Also we had to cut short on her because she had an asthma attack. I can't wait to see it though, I am very glad I went.
I had wanted to leave early because we were shooting from 2-5am and I had a wedding the next day. I was sore as FUCK from dancing, you guys, and then I had to run around for 6 hours, up down up down, in the brutal heat wearing all black. It is amazing what adrenaline can do, though. Wedding stuff needs its own entry because I've started talking and working a lot with a local wedding photographer and there's lots to say. She is very sweet, but it's all very new, I feel very limited by my gear and can't afford what she needs me to have. She's understanding, though - she remembers what it was like for her in the beginning and has said she's willing to invest in me, which always means so much. Doing another wedding this weekend! I also met with her today to discuss design work, color correction, and videography. There's just so much I can do for her and so much she needs, so I'm very excited. Will write more later! But shit, point is - it was a very busy, high-stress week. I didn't leave bed at all yesterday, pretty much, not only because I was tired but also because I COULDN'T FUCKING WALK.