sunsets, cirque, and new friends.
Thank you to all of you who commented on my breakdown of an entry. I hope to respond individually because you were incredibly helpful, I just wanted to say thank you first now and let you know that I'm doing a bit better.
Last Tuesday, Jason's best friend Paul took me to Cirque du Soleil. I had never met Paul before, as he lives in Las Vegas, but he came down here to see "OVO" and asked if I'd like to go. UM, DUH. He works for Cirque, he's currently rigging for "O" but wants to get on this show so he can go to Australia. So that's cool in itself, that he works for them and gets comp tickets. It's even cooler that he thought to ask me to go.
He picked me up at 5:30 and he was so friendly - lol we literally only know each other from Facebook and from hearing Jason talk about us, so I wasn't sure. I was going to just shake his hand because even though I'm huggy, I don't want to push people's boundaries. But he gave me a huge hug and was just generally sweet the entire night. The show was in a tent RIGHT on the water at Santa Monica Pier, it was gorgeous. We parked his (super fucking sweet) car at his hotel literally across the street and he asked if I'd like to cross and take sunset pictures before dinner. :) :) Like how thoughtful, right. Never even met me and it occurred to him that I'd want to do that.
We walked along the promenade and lol in the car he had asked what I wanted for dinner and I was like, "I don't like weird stuff, like Thai food, IDK" something along those lines and lol he had said that he saw a Thai place on the way to get me and he wanted to go there and then I felt like an asshole that it was the one example I cited but he really laughed and said it was okay. He was just so generally pleasant in like every aspect ever. It was so refreshing because I've been having a hard time with people lately.
We walked along Third Street Promenade and he was like, "I ate at a great place here the other day--" and I was like, "Was it Yankee Doodle?!" and he was like, "YES!" lol. So we went there. We got on really well - we obviously talked about Jason, and he kept telling me what an awesome influence I am on him because I'm getting him to loosen the fuck up apparently. "So I see you got Jason to start drinking..." I was like, "GOD don't say it like that, it makes me sound awful! I never pressured him! I just drink lol." He said it was a good thing because Jas used to be all like... not judgmental about it but something along those lines, and that Paul has been trying to break him out of that for years. "Clearly it just takes a chick," I say.
He's dating one of the acrobats, it's difficult because she's from Sweden and they've been rocky and now they're not sure what's going to happen when the show is over. It was lovely that he trusted me with things like that. Also lovely, a guy in a mechanical chair came up and started asking for help, he could barely talk and just the look on Paul's face as he watched this guy, I could cry just thinking about it. He asked me to excuse him for a second, and got up and put money in his little box. "That was really sweet," I said as he came back. That stuff is so hard for me to see and deal with, and he looked it right in the face. Jason would have done the same thing. Meeting Paul showed me how he surrounds himself with great, genuine people. He may not have a ton of friends, but the ones he does have are so fucking solid. And that's much more important.
The show was SO COOL, we had AMAZING, third row, front center seats. And it was in an outdoor tent literally right on the ocean. And it was insect-themed! They had spiders and grasshoppers (their costumes had huge, bent grasshopper legs coming out the back of their actual legs, omg every time they walked or did basically anything it was a huge mindfuck) and fleas and spiders - omg that was my favorite. We came back from intermission and there were thick white ropes strung ALL up in the tent and then they had a contortionist dressed up like a crisp white and black spider omg she was amazing. And then the other bugs were climbing in the ropes and shaking them on the BOOMs in the music and sliding down nets omg omg. AND!! They had a climbing wall on the back of the stage, with trampolines underneath it so bugs would run, jump on the tramp, STICK TO THE WALL, and then scurry across it and rotate so they were upside down and omg askldfalkhfa. And then!! At the end, they had HUGE flowers up near the ceiling that shot out a bunch of confetti and they were shaped like butterflies!!!! And crew was walking around dressed like butterfly catchers!!!
I had a very serious realization that I have been living too much in reality lately and that is why I am so unhappy. I need, need to be surrounded by film and theatre, I need to be seeing these things. I used to see the whole WORLD that way, and I just... I need those things to be more important than "real" things. I need magic. This past month I've lost some of that, what with all of the change and the stress (I found a fucking gray hair on my head the other day, you guys) and people wasting my time and having to be so involved in real "social" things and just kljhsafjkha. I need to get back to that. I feel so much better just knowing that that is the fucking issue. Like when this show was over, the stage was empty save for a huge prop shaped like an egg, a shit ton of butterfly confetti, and a soft spotlight. And I remember thinking what it'd be like to dance and play on it alone after everyone left. And those are things that I'll always have, that I'll always be able to go to. I remember leaving excited that I could imagine myself there later. I need to imagine so much more.
Paul and I went to meet the sound engineer, because he had arranged a backstage tour for us. He showed us around the stage, the percussion/drumming booths, dressing rooms and training areas. It was really cool and I'm so happy that I am starting to know people who can facilitate these experiences, and more than that, that they want to. I mean my god, we just chilled for an hour drinking beer with the crew and talent. And everyone was so nice. I also realized how comfortable and confident I feel around artistic people. It's not even discriminatory or that I can't get along with non-artists, I just... they get me, I worry so much less about being misunderstood or seen as "out there".
We walked back to Paul's hotel, except we took a shit ton of outdoor stairs, which wouldn't be a problem except they were made of super uneven, jaggedy bricks. And I was wearing hot pink heels. I almost ate shit approximately two times. When it happened the second time, Paul offered me his arm and it was so nice and he's taller than me even with heels, which I miss... but I just felt sturdy and it was just nice of him. We were going to just leave but he was like, "I have to run up to my room and get a Poptart... do you want a Poptart?" OMG it was adorable! So we went up to his room and had Poptarts and another beer and went through photos. It was nice and relaxing and for the first time since I've been here, I felt completely safe and okay with someone I'd just met. Needs moar of this, please.
He drove me home and on the way he talked about how he had such a nice time down in CA because he got a lot of time to himself. I said I thought that's why I've been so upset lately, I haven't gotten hardly any in a month. "If you ever need to get away, need some time to yourself, come to Vegas - I've got an extra bedroom and you are welcome any time, I mean that." Seriously. So fucking nice.
So much more to say, I've already started writing it. Hope to finish tomorrow. Duh like a whole week's worth. Doing better, but mostly because I'm fed up and finally strong enough to say so. My goal is to get completely caught up on blogging by tomorrow or Friday simply because we start shooting this weekend and I feel like I'll get really busy. I've tried to keep up with f-listing but as always, if I miss something, please tell me! I love and treasure you all, I don't think I say it enough.
Last Tuesday, Jason's best friend Paul took me to Cirque du Soleil. I had never met Paul before, as he lives in Las Vegas, but he came down here to see "OVO" and asked if I'd like to go. UM, DUH. He works for Cirque, he's currently rigging for "O" but wants to get on this show so he can go to Australia. So that's cool in itself, that he works for them and gets comp tickets. It's even cooler that he thought to ask me to go.
He picked me up at 5:30 and he was so friendly - lol we literally only know each other from Facebook and from hearing Jason talk about us, so I wasn't sure. I was going to just shake his hand because even though I'm huggy, I don't want to push people's boundaries. But he gave me a huge hug and was just generally sweet the entire night. The show was in a tent RIGHT on the water at Santa Monica Pier, it was gorgeous. We parked his (super fucking sweet) car at his hotel literally across the street and he asked if I'd like to cross and take sunset pictures before dinner. :) :) Like how thoughtful, right. Never even met me and it occurred to him that I'd want to do that.
We walked along the promenade and lol in the car he had asked what I wanted for dinner and I was like, "I don't like weird stuff, like Thai food, IDK" something along those lines and lol he had said that he saw a Thai place on the way to get me and he wanted to go there and then I felt like an asshole that it was the one example I cited but he really laughed and said it was okay. He was just so generally pleasant in like every aspect ever. It was so refreshing because I've been having a hard time with people lately.
We walked along Third Street Promenade and he was like, "I ate at a great place here the other day--" and I was like, "Was it Yankee Doodle?!" and he was like, "YES!" lol. So we went there. We got on really well - we obviously talked about Jason, and he kept telling me what an awesome influence I am on him because I'm getting him to loosen the fuck up apparently. "So I see you got Jason to start drinking..." I was like, "GOD don't say it like that, it makes me sound awful! I never pressured him! I just drink lol." He said it was a good thing because Jas used to be all like... not judgmental about it but something along those lines, and that Paul has been trying to break him out of that for years. "Clearly it just takes a chick," I say.
He's dating one of the acrobats, it's difficult because she's from Sweden and they've been rocky and now they're not sure what's going to happen when the show is over. It was lovely that he trusted me with things like that. Also lovely, a guy in a mechanical chair came up and started asking for help, he could barely talk and just the look on Paul's face as he watched this guy, I could cry just thinking about it. He asked me to excuse him for a second, and got up and put money in his little box. "That was really sweet," I said as he came back. That stuff is so hard for me to see and deal with, and he looked it right in the face. Jason would have done the same thing. Meeting Paul showed me how he surrounds himself with great, genuine people. He may not have a ton of friends, but the ones he does have are so fucking solid. And that's much more important.
The show was SO COOL, we had AMAZING, third row, front center seats. And it was in an outdoor tent literally right on the ocean. And it was insect-themed! They had spiders and grasshoppers (their costumes had huge, bent grasshopper legs coming out the back of their actual legs, omg every time they walked or did basically anything it was a huge mindfuck) and fleas and spiders - omg that was my favorite. We came back from intermission and there were thick white ropes strung ALL up in the tent and then they had a contortionist dressed up like a crisp white and black spider omg she was amazing. And then the other bugs were climbing in the ropes and shaking them on the BOOMs in the music and sliding down nets omg omg. AND!! They had a climbing wall on the back of the stage, with trampolines underneath it so bugs would run, jump on the tramp, STICK TO THE WALL, and then scurry across it and rotate so they were upside down and omg askldfalkhfa. And then!! At the end, they had HUGE flowers up near the ceiling that shot out a bunch of confetti and they were shaped like butterflies!!!! And crew was walking around dressed like butterfly catchers!!!
I had a very serious realization that I have been living too much in reality lately and that is why I am so unhappy. I need, need to be surrounded by film and theatre, I need to be seeing these things. I used to see the whole WORLD that way, and I just... I need those things to be more important than "real" things. I need magic. This past month I've lost some of that, what with all of the change and the stress (I found a fucking gray hair on my head the other day, you guys) and people wasting my time and having to be so involved in real "social" things and just kljhsafjkha. I need to get back to that. I feel so much better just knowing that that is the fucking issue. Like when this show was over, the stage was empty save for a huge prop shaped like an egg, a shit ton of butterfly confetti, and a soft spotlight. And I remember thinking what it'd be like to dance and play on it alone after everyone left. And those are things that I'll always have, that I'll always be able to go to. I remember leaving excited that I could imagine myself there later. I need to imagine so much more.
Paul and I went to meet the sound engineer, because he had arranged a backstage tour for us. He showed us around the stage, the percussion/drumming booths, dressing rooms and training areas. It was really cool and I'm so happy that I am starting to know people who can facilitate these experiences, and more than that, that they want to. I mean my god, we just chilled for an hour drinking beer with the crew and talent. And everyone was so nice. I also realized how comfortable and confident I feel around artistic people. It's not even discriminatory or that I can't get along with non-artists, I just... they get me, I worry so much less about being misunderstood or seen as "out there".
We walked back to Paul's hotel, except we took a shit ton of outdoor stairs, which wouldn't be a problem except they were made of super uneven, jaggedy bricks. And I was wearing hot pink heels. I almost ate shit approximately two times. When it happened the second time, Paul offered me his arm and it was so nice and he's taller than me even with heels, which I miss... but I just felt sturdy and it was just nice of him. We were going to just leave but he was like, "I have to run up to my room and get a Poptart... do you want a Poptart?" OMG it was adorable! So we went up to his room and had Poptarts and another beer and went through photos. It was nice and relaxing and for the first time since I've been here, I felt completely safe and okay with someone I'd just met. Needs moar of this, please.
He drove me home and on the way he talked about how he had such a nice time down in CA because he got a lot of time to himself. I said I thought that's why I've been so upset lately, I haven't gotten hardly any in a month. "If you ever need to get away, need some time to yourself, come to Vegas - I've got an extra bedroom and you are welcome any time, I mean that." Seriously. So fucking nice.
So much more to say, I've already started writing it. Hope to finish tomorrow. Duh like a whole week's worth. Doing better, but mostly because I'm fed up and finally strong enough to say so. My goal is to get completely caught up on blogging by tomorrow or Friday simply because we start shooting this weekend and I feel like I'll get really busy. I've tried to keep up with f-listing but as always, if I miss something, please tell me! I love and treasure you all, I don't think I say it enough.