About watching the moon - and drabbles
Ithil (200 words)
As dusk greyed to evening, he peered out under the foliage of a mallorn under which he had taken cover from the drizzle. On the darkening skies, a glowing ball crept upwards, half-hidden behind the tall trees.
The silvery haze lent a hypnotic quality to the red moon: it seemed to grow as he watched. Finally he blinked and Ithil ( Read more... )
I tend to use too many words myself, but all too often when someone wants to cut my work, they pick a “useless” phrase to eliminate that for me was the center of the chapter. I am learning now, how to cut the really superfluous ones myself, so someone reading in a cursory way doesn’t try to chop off the essential-which not only an editor, but a reader of a story might do. In this case, the first freezes the moment in time and slows time down, which is a large part of the magic of the experience, trying to make it last. The second gives the main points, but moves along more quickly. A very skillful job of saving most of it, but the tone is subtly different.
Now that I have read the description, I do what I always do, which is try in my head to drop it into a fully worked out scene, with characterization and plot. Who was he with? How did he happen to be there? What was she doing at the moment? Did either of them say anything? Drabbles are for me more a writing exercise than a finished product. I save them and use them later in a story, either dropping them in intact or using them as an outline. (Lucky you, you weren’t around at G of I, during the period when I vented about drabbles at least once a month.)
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You're right in that you use many words, but I really enjoy that; too many stories end too fast! And I quite agree that there are seldom many superfluous words in your stories: every word contributes to convey the atmosphere or background.
As to writing such little pieces into full scenes: Usually, I'm able to do that, but not with this one. It refused to grow. ;-)
However, coming back to it now I think that nothing 'noteworthy' would have happened on the borders for a time - maybe weeks, but to an Elf that would hardly seem long - and that he experienced nothing while keeping watch these long nigths, except feeling the wind and watching the moon, following owls' flight and listening to nocturnal animals seeking food; most border watches would have been that way.
Hmmm .... it may still find its way into my story sometime.
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