About watching the moon - and drabbles
Ithil (200 words)
As dusk greyed to evening, he peered out under the foliage of a mallorn under which he had taken cover from the drizzle. On the darkening skies, a glowing ball crept upwards, half-hidden behind the tall trees.
The silvery haze lent a hypnotic quality to the red moon: it seemed to grow as he watched. Finally he blinked and Ithil magically shrunk to her natural size, only to ease closer again by the moment.
The stars were veiled this night, but the misty moon made up for their absence with her witchery, and his breath caught as the drama unfolded.
Trees were exposed, silhouetted against the reddish light. A thorny holly dramatically hunted the moon with pointy spears while an oak’s majestically rounded form provided shelter for the hunted.
He touched his hand to his breast, his heart flowing over with the beauty of this night. Instinctively, he lifted his voice and began to sing in worship of Eru, the One, who devised Arda, jubilantly expressing his joy at being allowed to witness its wonders.
The clouds thickened, hiding the moon from view, and his song ended, but the memory of the enchanted evening would stay with him forever.
***
The above little piece was critted on GoI, with helpful suggestions from Súlriel, Adaneth and Gwynnyd, but was not really finished since I'm not quite happy with the second-to-last paragraph (who knows - I may find the right words someday).
However, I wanted to show you this anyway because, since it happened to be 200 words long, it made me think of drabbles. I asked some questions on the nature of those, but didn't quite get the explanation, so an hour later, Gwynnyd had written this 'demonstration':
Gwynnyd’s version of Ithil (true drabble)
As dusk greyed to evening, he peered out from under a mallorn. A huge glowing ball veiled in silvery haze crept upwards, half-hidden by trees. He blinked. Ithil magically shrunk to her natural size.
Though clouds veiled the stars, in the misty moon’s witchery trees exposed themselves, silhouetted against sky. Thorny holly’s pointed spears hunted the moon, as an oak’s majestically rounded form provided shelter.
He touched his breast, heart overflowing. Lifting his voice he sang, jubilant, in worship of Eru, the One, who devised Arda.
Clouds hid the moon and his song ended. The memory stayed with him forever.
***
Isn't it lovely! It captures the essence of what I was trying to say, cutting away every superfluous word and leaving just the core of it.
***
Well, it ended up looking like this (posted on OSA and SOA):
As dusk greyed to evening, a warden peered out under the foliage of a mallorn under which he had taken cover from the drizzle. On the darkening skies, a glowing orb crept upwards, half-hidden behind tall trees: Ithil.
The silvery haze lent a hypnotic quality to the red moon: it seemed to grow even as the warden watched. Finally he blinked and Ithil magically shrunk to its natural size, only to ease closer again by the moment.
Veils of cloud hid the stars this night, but the misty moon made up for their absence with its sorcery, and the warden’s breath caught as the drama above him unfolded.
The moon exposed trees, silhouettes against its reddish light: A thorny holly chased Ithil with pointy spears while an oak’s majestic canopy provided shelter for the hunted.
The warden’s heart overflowed with the beauty of it all until finally his voice rose in worship of Eru, the One who had devised Arda. Jubilantly he expressed his joy at being present, in that moment, to witness its wonders.
The clouds thickened, then, hiding Ithil from view, and the warden’s song ended, but the memory of the enchanted evening would stay with him forever.