I need you girls and guys
Wow i am here well i think i am. I am really sliping peeps. I was reading trying to make a last attempt to hold on to this faith that i am often paired with, which is awesome...when i feel it. I was talking to a girl friend and she was struggling with staying on the "Holy Horse" i offered comfort by saying that everyone experiences dry spells. Another one of my friend commented that i shouldn't have those issues. But i do i really do. I don't know where i belong anymore people, and that terrifies me. Where do i belong in the church, my family, school, the future? I love childrens ministry and i would not change that for the world. but who am i? who is this person who stares back at me everyday. I love God and i know that, but how can i love him enough... am i loving him. Actions speak louder than words, but are my words glorifying Him. When i was making my last feble attempt not to breakdown and lose everything not to mention cry and get puffy eyes. i read 2Peter and it said something, well it said alot more but the thing that stuck out were;
"For this very reason make every effort to add to yourfaith goodness; and to goodness knoledge; and to knoledge self-control; and to self-control perseverance; and to perseverance godliness; and to godliness brotherly love kindness,love."
My worrie is that i don't have those things, do i have knoledge? I think i have God but i don't read enough to have knoledge. Self control, my toung need to shut up more often. I am very stubbern so i think i could have perseverance but wouldn't i need to posses the others before it? and godliness? I think i am so far from him and his qualities. Brotherly love? i know i love you all, Chris Tyler Trevor Katrina Ashley Ki Nick Chris2 Andy Tracy Dan Meghan all of you, i know i love you and i used the word ;) i would die if something happened to you all, is that brotherly love? the fact that i hurt when one of you hurts that when one beams with joy i can't help but feel joy too. But if i have these things why do i feel like crap on the bottom of the crap pile?
I know this too will pass, but this has been building up for around four to six weeks, and my crapy hole just keeps getting deeper and my rope won't reach out. I am asking for some kind of help because i can't keep acting like i am fine, it is getting to hard i feel bipolar or something. I am happy when i am worshiping and praising God but at home i just want to cry. I don't know what i am asking, maybe i am just complaining and if that is it than i am sorry for draging all of you through my sob story. but i am just hoping that somehow this can make it a little better, that you guys can help me, please.
"For this very reason make every effort to add to yourfaith goodness; and to goodness knoledge; and to knoledge self-control; and to self-control perseverance; and to perseverance godliness; and to godliness brotherly love kindness,love."
My worrie is that i don't have those things, do i have knoledge? I think i have God but i don't read enough to have knoledge. Self control, my toung need to shut up more often. I am very stubbern so i think i could have perseverance but wouldn't i need to posses the others before it? and godliness? I think i am so far from him and his qualities. Brotherly love? i know i love you all, Chris Tyler Trevor Katrina Ashley Ki Nick Chris2 Andy Tracy Dan Meghan all of you, i know i love you and i used the word ;) i would die if something happened to you all, is that brotherly love? the fact that i hurt when one of you hurts that when one beams with joy i can't help but feel joy too. But if i have these things why do i feel like crap on the bottom of the crap pile?
I know this too will pass, but this has been building up for around four to six weeks, and my crapy hole just keeps getting deeper and my rope won't reach out. I am asking for some kind of help because i can't keep acting like i am fine, it is getting to hard i feel bipolar or something. I am happy when i am worshiping and praising God but at home i just want to cry. I don't know what i am asking, maybe i am just complaining and if that is it than i am sorry for draging all of you through my sob story. but i am just hoping that somehow this can make it a little better, that you guys can help me, please.